I'm here because I don't belive many people look here. My Mother & a few other judgemental people don't have this blog address & it's more private but it's still here so that I can put out how I feel, I'm feeling pretty miserable, anyone who reads my regular blog knows my work situation is becoming more & more untennable, I am getting physically & emotionally drained working there, when I started with this boss back last October I thought it would be great, he's an easy going type of guy, low key & casual, he lets a lot of things slide, for instance our attendance policy is 5 days out & you get a verbal, 1 more day & you get a written warning, 1 more day after that & you get terminated, I've had 8-10 days this year alone where I couldn't get there because of weather, or was sick, or a kid was sick, I got my verbal in september, he brushes them off, or finds a way to get it labeled something else so it doesn't count as an absence. Which is a good thing because if he played by the rules I'd be out of work now. I have a solid knowledge base in what I do but there's not a lot of call for people to do this outside of my industry, there's also a contract we're required to sign which states we will not work in the dbs industry for a certain amount of time after we're through with our job there (I think it's 6 months but it might be a year) So a lot of that information would be pretty useless to me in other venues, yes, I've gained a lot of customer service experience but most of that is negated by the fact that I see customers mostly as idiots who don't even have the sense to follow simple directions in the owners manual, sign up for 18 month commitments with out even realizing they're doing so & can't figure out that the red button that says tv is to turn the tv off & on. I have poor tone on my calls & my voice & throat are constantly stressed by talking for 40+ hours a week so my tone is not neccesarily going to get better. It's likely to get worse, this is one of the reasons I like the school term, when it's cold & my voice is the most stressed I can be absolutley silent from the time I wake up in the morning until 3pm when the kids get home if I want to, for 2 days of my week (of course it means I don't call my grandmother or mother, but that's not always a bad thing)

   Now don't get me wrong, I know I never could have done all I have in the nearly 6 years since (p)Rick left me if it wasn't for my job there, they pay more than anyone else around here unless you're a diesel mechanic or a cop or you want to work in a factory (& I do NOT want to work in a factory, Been there, done that- fallen asleep standing up from sheer boredom)  Working there has enabled me to not break down & cry anytime someone raises their voice at me or gets angry with me (something which has made it much eaiser to argue with (p)Rick over the phone & in person) It has made me smarter, better able to articulate what I say & how I tell people to do things & given me an unending store of stories about crazy, stupid or truly scary people. It has also facinated me in that I can make a good educated guess at what state people are calling from by their phone area code, I am good with telling where people are from by their accents now & can pronounce many odd street & town names & know all 50 of the postal abreviations for states & can tell you which state it is without hesitation (the more seasoned customers I talk to, who have had equipment sent to them or techs sent to their house - & have heard other reps mangle addresses- appreciate that I can read back their address with no hesitation) But most of those things are more about my own mind, I like being able to do those last few things because it keeps my brain sharper & entertains me during calls to some extent (we're not supposed to read, write or even look at the tvs while we're talking to customers- everyone does though) That's the biggest problem for me, boredom, it used to not be so boring- there were more challenges. Now out of 55 or so calls in a day I always have 3 or 4 that aren't boring in a pleasant way (as in a challenge to figure out what's going on & how to stop it) & about the same amount in an unpleasant way. (meaning really pissed off customers, or bad billing screw ups) However, that's a lot of calls to take where you could do it in your sleep & to some extent are doing it by rote. The job, as I said pays well, I started at $8.50 5+ yeas ago & have increased by more than a dollar a year since then- to change jobs now would almost certainly mean a financial hardship for me & I'm right to the wire with what I make now- I should be doing overtime, at least the 4 hours which were mandatory (we're off that for the moment but with the threat that it will come back as soon as the calls start coming in heavily again- this is always a slow time of year for us) No one is going to hire me for what I make per hour to do much of anything that I saw people hiring for in the paper yesterday (& there wasn't much there either) I'm traveling 27 miles each way now, most of the jobs which might come close would mean going to Roanoke daily & that would nearly double my commute- even for the same money it wouldn't be worth it. I could take a small cut in pay if I could stay closer to home but there's no jobs here in this county which will pay me anything close to what I make now.

  In thinking about it though, I wouldn't neccesairly want to go back to being a stay at home mom, (unless I had tons of money & could go out shopping & get home improvement projects to do while at home- I can't even afford an extra gallon of paint right now)  That was boring too, in a different way, I was so limited by money & the lack of it to what I could do & couldn't do I was miserable & of course the fact that mr working dad would stay out & drink a couple nights a week & was aparently chasing women & girls like mad didn't help, especially since I couldn't get him to keep an eye on the kids long enough for me to take a shower, let alone long enough to go do anything on my own. I did like being able to read or watch tv as much as I wanted & I was definitley a lot more motivated to get the house cleaned up, If I didn't (p)Rick would bitch endlessly, 'what was I doing with all of my time, how come I couldn't do a simple thing like keep the house clean, was I stupid? He worked all day & didn't need to come home to a messy house' personaly I feel the same way now but I don't have a housewife to do it & Lois is only motivated by her own personal needs & wants John is coming for an impromtu visit this weekend so chances are good my house will look pretty good this weekend & then back to the pit of hell. I can bribe her but the things I have to use to bribe her with are not really great things & I'd prefer not to do so. Which leaves me with a dirty house most of the time.

  I am taking the day before Halloween off next week, giving me a 3 day weekend for which I am profoundly grateful, I'm really torn about the whole days off thing, I've always loved going to Mass for vacations, last year I couldn't afford to do so & instead took a lot of 4 or 5 day off spreads, timed with my regular days off I can get a lot of those in a year & after having my vacation this year with 16 days off in a row combined with driving to MA & all over New England I think the 4 & 5 days off way was easier, I did have extra days off this year, (due to our fulfilling a challenge to get more customers & because I had saved a couple of days for Christmas & didn't need them because we were swapped off, meaning we worked on one of our regular days off in exchange for not working on Christmas day- I hope that happens again this year)  so instead of 12 paid days off I had 15 & used a total of 10 for my vacation & the rest interspersed throughout the year but it's not exactly the same, as spreading them out more evenly, especially since the Vacation did more to wear me out than relax me, I loved seeing everyone but all that driving is begining to feel more like work than fun to me. (I NEVER thought I'd say that! Man, I am getting so old) Anyway, I'm looking forward to 3 days off in a row for halloween, I'm also scheduled to have my birthday off & am still saving 1 day off to use for Christmas if we don't get swapped off

(we might not, just because we had it off last year) To get back to my original complaint, I'm just feeling really unfulfilled right now, the job sucks, the kids are so caught up in their own stuff- some of that is tv which I hate but Cam would rather watch tv than do anything else, Val's always willing to do stuff with me but so much of the time she's off in her own little world & Lois is totaly gone to me, she's always on the phone with John or her friends or we're fighting about computer use or my not doing what she wants me to or her not doing what I want her to. a peaceful hour is a rarity between us right now. (though I will admit it has gotten a little better now that we're a house with 4 people in it) Nothing is really thrilling me, I'm mostly just

escaping into books & reading stuff like other peoples blogs online, even doing things like figuring out what bills I can pay each paycheck is almost too overwhelming right now & I've always been facinated by manipulating my available funds in the most lucrative way. Part of the problem is there isn't enough funds in general right now! But I tried to fix that the other day & got a loan & even figuring out which bills to pay off completley is too much to work on right now! I'm not exactly depressed but I'm not feeling very cheery right now. Oh well, maybe putting it all out there will help a little.

Posted by Becky at 3:45 PM EDT

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