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Am I Half Dead or Am I Doin' fine?
Saturday, December 30, 2006

Well, Am I?.....Half dead I mean. I actualy dug out the record the song lyric is from. (Black & Blue btw, the song is called 'Hold on to Eighteen') & I was more than a little appalled by the imaturity of the lyrics though I still remember enough of my teen years to understand what they're trying to say.

I haven't had time to take stock in a few weeks, I'm so tired all the time now it's starting to scare me (Mostly because of my mother's obsessive tiredness- I so do not want to be like her but I AM Tired!) The problem I have is I'm ok if I get 9 hours of sleep every night but if I get behind.... like I did driving to Mass, sleeping in my car, on floors & pull out sofas for 6 nights & driving back to VA. I was ok the whole time, not falling asleep driving or sitting (well, I think there was one nap on my mother's couch) Now that I'm home though... well I nearly fell asleep here at the computer desk playing Mahjong. (yes, I know many people would take that as a given but I really enjoy computer mahjong) 

I was so tired last night that I was in bed at 11, (I admit I read for annother hour or so though) & then this morning woke up at 9:45 & read in bed for annother couple of hours. (all the kids are on a completely hedonistic schedule & didn't stir until nearly 11am- though Lois says she was up & on the phone at 9 I find it hard to belive since when I was up at 1:30 to pee she was on the phone with John)  

Transitioning to the new schedule will contribute to my tiredness, 2 days on, 1 day off, 2 days on again & then 2 off. I think I'll like having Fridays off though, once I get used to it (E* Is change though, I may get used to it just in time for them to change it on us again) 

  I organized my dvds, videos & cds on my last day off & found I'm missing the Fellowship of the Rings dvd, I have the Two Towers & the Return of the King but the first one is gone, it was the nice one with the ridiculously complete double disk with all the movie stills, making of & other 'special features' the truly obsessed love. I wasn't able to get the special editions on the other two, either couldn't find them when I had the money or didn't have the money when I saw them. If I've loaned it to anyone & forgotten it please give it back, I was planning a nice long LOTR fest for myself during the coming ugly weather this winter. (I know it will get ugly, I just keep hoping we could keep this mild weather, too good to be true though)

 Today, as I said I stayed in bed a lot of the day, I was feeling not only tired but a little weak, My period began while we were in MA & ended Christmas, it came back though on Thursday & I've been emitting bright red blood with largish clots ever since. Last night & early this morning was the heaviest so far & included some pretty heavy cramps. I've been told by others that this is a by-product of having 3 kids & by others that it is no big deal. I know it's not a miscarriage but that's more what it's felt like, especially the clots (not a chance, it's been over a year & A has had a vasectomy anyway) I stayed on my back in bed reading until nearly 1:30 this afternoon (& yes, I was still falling asleep at 715) I have acomplished a bit though, I did a load of laundry, ( & I have about 3 loads worth to fold tonight) did the dishes, picked up around the house, harrassed Val & Cam into cleaning their rooms, read a whole BUNCH of chapters of my book. Went out & got some groceries, took about 20 bags of trash to the dumpsters- we'd been putting it off for awhile, this is the drawback to a garage, somewhere that you can store trash & not smell it, it builds up & then you have to devote an hour to getting rid of it all. The ex & I used to do that all the time in our rentals, at the trailer there was no place to put full bags so they went right to the dumpster. (especially in the summer)

  I don't usually do Resolutions, I belive the universe likes nothing better than helping you break promises & resolutions. But at the same time I know I need to start doing more about not eating sugar than I have been during the last 2-3 months (I was doing ok for awhile there) & I have got to fix my job stuff, I may not want to be there but I have to stop calling in & going home early or coming in late, the only reason I haven't been put on a written warning is because my boss is lazy & hates paperwork. I've also got to start sounding more upbeat in the mornings, when the quality people monitor it is always between 9 am & 11 am. I know this. I'm the one who thought to check the time for each call I'm monitored on over the last 2 years & realized they're catching me early in the day every time. I've got to remember to sound like I'm happy to be there so I can pull up my quality scores. the attendance & the quality are the only things I can do to get myself off the phone & that is what needs to happen. I truly believe this job is a quick-burnout type of job. The fact that I've been able to do it for 5+ years without losing my mind (well, officially at least) Shows that I have either no sanity in the first place!

 

 


Posted by Becky at 10:48 PM EST

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