Well, Am I?.....Half dead I mean. I actualy dug out the record the song lyric is from. (Black & Blue btw, the song is called 'Hold on to Eighteen') & I was more than a little appalled by the imaturity of the lyrics though I still remember enough of my teen years to understand what they're trying to say.

I haven't had time to take stock in a few weeks, I'm so tired all the time now it's starting to scare me (Mostly because of my mother's obsessive tiredness- I so do not want to be like her but I AM Tired!) The problem I have is I'm ok if I get 9 hours of sleep every night but if I get behind.... like I did driving to Mass, sleeping in my car, on floors & pull out sofas for 6 nights & driving back to VA. I was ok the whole time, not falling asleep driving or sitting (well, I think there was one nap on my mother's couch) Now that I'm home though... well I nearly fell asleep here at the computer desk playing Mahjong. (yes, I know many people would take that as a given but I really enjoy computer mahjong) 

I was so tired last night that I was in bed at 11, (I admit I read for annother hour or so though) & then this morning woke up at 9:45 & read in bed for annother couple of hours. (all the kids are on a completely hedonistic schedule & didn't stir until nearly 11am- though Lois says she was up & on the phone at 9 I find it hard to belive since when I was up at 1:30 to pee she was on the phone with John)  

Transitioning to the new schedule will contribute to my tiredness, 2 days on, 1 day off, 2 days on again & then 2 off. I think I'll like having Fridays off though, once I get used to it (E* Is change though, I may get used to it just in time for them to change it on us again) 

  I organized my dvds, videos & cds on my last day off & found I'm missing the Fellowship of the Rings dvd, I have the Two Towers & the Return of the King but the first one is gone, it was the nice one with the ridiculously complete double disk with all the movie stills, making of & other 'special features' the truly obsessed love. I wasn't able to get the special editions on the other two, either couldn't find them when I had the money or didn't have the money when I saw them. If I've loaned it to anyone & forgotten it please give it back, I was planning a nice long LOTR fest for myself during the coming ugly weather this winter. (I know it will get ugly, I just keep hoping we could keep this mild weather, too good to be true though)

 Today, as I said I stayed in bed a lot of the day, I was feeling not only tired but a little weak, My period began while we were in MA & ended Christmas, it came back though on Thursday & I've been emitting bright red blood with largish clots ever since. Last night & early this morning was the heaviest so far & included some pretty heavy cramps. I've been told by others that this is a by-product of having 3 kids & by others that it is no big deal. I know it's not a miscarriage but that's more what it's felt like, especially the clots (not a chance, it's been over a year & A has had a vasectomy anyway) I stayed on my back in bed reading until nearly 1:30 this afternoon (& yes, I was still falling asleep at 715) I have acomplished a bit though, I did a load of laundry, ( & I have about 3 loads worth to fold tonight) did the dishes, picked up around the house, harrassed Val & Cam into cleaning their rooms, read a whole BUNCH of chapters of my book. Went out & got some groceries, took about 20 bags of trash to the dumpsters- we'd been putting it off for awhile, this is the drawback to a garage, somewhere that you can store trash & not smell it, it builds up & then you have to devote an hour to getting rid of it all. The ex & I used to do that all the time in our rentals, at the trailer there was no place to put full bags so they went right to the dumpster. (especially in the summer)

  I don't usually do Resolutions, I belive the universe likes nothing better than helping you break promises & resolutions. But at the same time I know I need to start doing more about not eating sugar than I have been during the last 2-3 months (I was doing ok for awhile there) & I have got to fix my job stuff, I may not want to be there but I have to stop calling in & going home early or coming in late, the only reason I haven't been put on a written warning is because my boss is lazy & hates paperwork. I've also got to start sounding more upbeat in the mornings, when the quality people monitor it is always between 9 am & 11 am. I know this. I'm the one who thought to check the time for each call I'm monitored on over the last 2 years & realized they're catching me early in the day every time. I've got to remember to sound like I'm happy to be there so I can pull up my quality scores. the attendance & the quality are the only things I can do to get myself off the phone & that is what needs to happen. I truly believe this job is a quick-burnout type of job. The fact that I've been able to do it for 5+ years without losing my mind (well, officially at least) Shows that I have either no sanity in the first place!

 

 

Merry F-ing Christmas!

Having myself a little pity party here at work today. Yes I am at work & let me tell you if 1 more person calling in says to me 'why are you working on Christmas?' I'm going to lose it & point out that if they were'nt calling in I wouldn't have to be here! Don't call businesses on a holiday folks! Please! We are all begging to be sent home. If we sit around waiting for calls they send us home! I've worked 3 out of 6 Christmases & have always been sent home, sometimes 3/4 of the way through the day but never have I worked a full shift on Christmas. Im not holding my breath this year though. The people who worked yesterday were here until 8pm just like a normal day. I had a paid day off yesterday & was enjoying the chaos of 15 plus kids all unwrapping their gifts at the same time. The kids have each opened 2 gifts from me, everything they we're given yesterday & their stockings but are waiting 4 me to get home to do the real gift opening when I get there {whenever that is

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this is a test

The last few messages I've sent to this blog have not made it here. So I'm trying again since I may have to do remote posting again very soon.

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Christmas Survey
1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?  Both! Egg Nog says Christmas to me though, where Hot Chocolate is all winter long.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?   He fills the Stockings only, gifts beneath the tree are from friends & family.

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?  Colored lights, Grew up with white & it is boring.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?   Yes!

5. When do you put your decorations up?   The Weekend after Christmas.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?  Mashed Sweet Potatoes with Brown sugar.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child: Christmas morning with my whole family together between the stockings & the tree we'd have breakfast with homemade eggnog & fresh bread or coffee cake & all spend time together & talk. (Last year Christmas eve I was awake half the night remembering all kinds of Christmas memories, I've never had that happen before, just been flooded with rememberances of things past)

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?   I was about 8 & I read everything, voraciously, my Grandmother who lived with us brought home Womans Day & Family Circle magazines all the time & one of them had a story about a boy finding out about Santa & I caught on at that point.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?   My kids do.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?  Lots of old novelty ornaments, (hallmark type & handmade- my mother gives one each year to remind me & others of my brother & father both dead for 15+ years- last year's was a chewbacca action figure because my brother collected star wars stuff) glass balls, new & antique (which I try to collect) strings of popcorn & cranberries, strips of tinsel not the garland kind.

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?   Working at a job where I can get fired for over 7 absences in a year I dread snow like the plauge. I like to see it falling in the few weeks before Christmas I admit, it really puts the Christmas season in place for me. After Christmas though, YUCK!

12. Can you ice skate?  Yep.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?  Probably the year my ex & I got together & he gave me an emerald ring- it didn't fit quite right but I wore it with my finger turning purple all through the holiday weekend until he could get it sized.

14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?   Being with my Kids & family.

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?   Croquemboushe.

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?  Just being together.

17. What tops your tree?  A star with white lights in it. (I know, I said I like color, but the star just needs to be white.)

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?   Giving.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?   Snow at Christmas by Greg Lake (of Emerson, Lake & Palmer) you know, the one that goes: 'they said there'd be snow at Christmas, they said there'd be peace on earth' ?  (as for real, traditional Christmas songs it would be Angels we Have Heard on High)

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or yummy? Yummy but only once or twice a year. not a huge peppermint fan.

21. Favorite Christmas Movies? National Lampoons Christmas, Reckless (Not Exactly a Christmas movie but it deals with it!) Merry Christmas Charlie Brown, Scrooged.

When Toys Collide
Topic: General Diatribes

 I took this Picture on Saturday just because the two toys were on my dressing table & were a funny combination (not really with a 7 year old boy & a 10 year old girl around but still- together it was amusing) I sent it to this blog through my cell phone & it never showed up, I had this great idea to do a bunch of picture/posts for a pictorial day in my life - it was a pretty cool day, we went to Roanoke & the weather was beautiful!- but none of them ever showed up here either! Although my phone's delivery messages say they were recieved, the address is correct, what it says here in the set up on the blog is what my phone says it's sending the pictures to & if I send it to my email it works just fine- that's how I got this picture on here, I did this all through my vacation this year & it worked just fine! Now it won't work! I only get 50 picture messages a month so I'm not about to resend them all! Very frustrating! 

 

 

A Diatribe (you don't have to read this, it's for me not anyone else)
Now Playing: Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox
Topic: General Diatribes

    I'm here because I don't belive many people look here. My Mother & a few other judgemental people don't have this blog address & it's more private but it's still here so that I can put out how I feel, I'm feeling pretty miserable, anyone who reads my regular blog knows my work situation is becoming more & more untennable, I am getting physically & emotionally drained working there, when I started with this boss back last October I thought it would be great, he's an easy going type of guy, low key & casual, he lets a lot of things slide, for instance our attendance policy is 5 days out & you get a verbal, 1 more day & you get a written warning, 1 more day after that & you get terminated, I've had 8-10 days this year alone where I couldn't get there because of weather, or was sick, or a kid was sick, I got my verbal in september, he brushes them off, or finds a way to get it labeled something else so it doesn't count as an absence. Which is a good thing because if he played by the rules I'd be out of work now. I have a solid knowledge base in what I do but there's not a lot of call for people to do this outside of my industry, there's also a contract we're required to sign which states we will not work in the dbs industry for a certain amount of time after we're through with our job there (I think it's 6 months but it might be a year) So a lot of that information would be pretty useless to me in other venues, yes, I've gained a lot of customer service experience but most of that is negated by the fact that I see customers mostly as idiots who don't even have the sense to follow simple directions in the owners manual, sign up for 18 month commitments with out even realizing they're doing so & can't figure out that the red button that says tv is to turn the tv off & on. I have poor tone on my calls & my voice & throat are constantly stressed by talking for 40+ hours a week so my tone is not neccesarily going to get better. It's likely to get worse, this is one of the reasons I like the school term, when it's cold & my voice is the most stressed I can be absolutley silent from the time I wake up in the morning until 3pm when the kids get home if I want to, for 2 days of my week (of course it means I don't call my grandmother or mother, but that's not always a bad thing)

   Now don't get me wrong, I know I never could have done all I have in the nearly 6 years since (p)Rick left me if it wasn't for my job there, they pay more than anyone else around here unless you're a diesel mechanic or a cop or you want to work in a factory (& I do NOT want to work in a factory, Been there, done that- fallen asleep standing up from sheer boredom)  Working there has enabled me to not break down & cry anytime someone raises their voice at me or gets angry with me (something which has made it much eaiser to argue with (p)Rick over the phone & in person) It has made me smarter, better able to articulate what I say & how I tell people to do things & given me an unending store of stories about crazy, stupid or truly scary people. It has also facinated me in that I can make a good educated guess at what state people are calling from by their phone area code, I am good with telling where people are from by their accents now & can pronounce many odd street & town names & know all 50 of the postal abreviations for states & can tell you which state it is without hesitation (the more seasoned customers I talk to, who have had equipment sent to them or techs sent to their house - & have heard other reps mangle addresses- appreciate that I can read back their address with no hesitation) But most of those things are more about my own mind, I like being able to do those last few things because it keeps my brain sharper & entertains me during calls to some extent (we're not supposed to read, write or even look at the tvs while we're talking to customers- everyone does though) That's the biggest problem for me, boredom, it used to not be so boring- there were more challenges. Now out of 55 or so calls in a day I always have 3 or 4 that aren't boring in a pleasant way (as in a challenge to figure out what's going on & how to stop it) & about the same amount in an unpleasant way. (meaning really pissed off customers, or bad billing screw ups) However, that's a lot of calls to take where you could do it in your sleep & to some extent are doing it by rote. The job, as I said pays well, I started at $8.50 5+ yeas ago & have increased by more than a dollar a year since then- to change jobs now would almost certainly mean a financial hardship for me & I'm right to the wire with what I make now- I should be doing overtime, at least the 4 hours which were mandatory (we're off that for the moment but with the threat that it will come back as soon as the calls start coming in heavily again- this is always a slow time of year for us) No one is going to hire me for what I make per hour to do much of anything that I saw people hiring for in the paper yesterday (& there wasn't much there either) I'm traveling 27 miles each way now, most of the jobs which might come close would mean going to Roanoke daily & that would nearly double my commute- even for the same money it wouldn't be worth it. I could take a small cut in pay if I could stay closer to home but there's no jobs here in this county which will pay me anything close to what I make now.

  In thinking about it though, I wouldn't neccesairly want to go back to being a stay at home mom, (unless I had tons of money & could go out shopping & get home improvement projects to do while at home- I can't even afford an extra gallon of paint right now)  That was boring too, in a different way, I was so limited by money & the lack of it to what I could do & couldn't do I was miserable & of course the fact that mr working dad would stay out & drink a couple nights a week & was aparently chasing women & girls like mad didn't help, especially since I couldn't get him to keep an eye on the kids long enough for me to take a shower, let alone long enough to go do anything on my own. I did like being able to read or watch tv as much as I wanted & I was definitley a lot more motivated to get the house cleaned up, If I didn't (p)Rick would bitch endlessly, 'what was I doing with all of my time, how come I couldn't do a simple thing like keep the house clean, was I stupid? He worked all day & didn't need to come home to a messy house' personaly I feel the same way now but I don't have a housewife to do it & Lois is only motivated by her own personal needs & wants John is coming for an impromtu visit this weekend so chances are good my house will look pretty good this weekend & then back to the pit of hell. I can bribe her but the things I have to use to bribe her with are not really great things & I'd prefer not to do so. Which leaves me with a dirty house most of the time.

  I am taking the day before Halloween off next week, giving me a 3 day weekend for which I am profoundly grateful, I'm really torn about the whole days off thing, I've always loved going to Mass for vacations, last year I couldn't afford to do so & instead took a lot of 4 or 5 day off spreads, timed with my regular days off I can get a lot of those in a year & after having my vacation this year with 16 days off in a row combined with driving to MA & all over New England I think the 4 & 5 days off way was easier, I did have extra days off this year, (due to our fulfilling a challenge to get more customers & because I had saved a couple of days for Christmas & didn't need them because we were swapped off, meaning we worked on one of our regular days off in exchange for not working on Christmas day- I hope that happens again this year)  so instead of 12 paid days off I had 15 & used a total of 10 for my vacation & the rest interspersed throughout the year but it's not exactly the same, as spreading them out more evenly, especially since the Vacation did more to wear me out than relax me, I loved seeing everyone but all that driving is begining to feel more like work than fun to me. (I NEVER thought I'd say that! Man, I am getting so old) Anyway, I'm looking forward to 3 days off in a row for halloween, I'm also scheduled to have my birthday off & am still saving 1 day off to use for Christmas if we don't get swapped off

(we might not, just because we had it off last year) To get back to my original complaint, I'm just feeling really unfulfilled right now, the job sucks, the kids are so caught up in their own stuff- some of that is tv which I hate but Cam would rather watch tv than do anything else, Val's always willing to do stuff with me but so much of the time she's off in her own little world & Lois is totaly gone to me, she's always on the phone with John or her friends or we're fighting about computer use or my not doing what she wants me to or her not doing what I want her to. a peaceful hour is a rarity between us right now. (though I will admit it has gotten a little better now that we're a house with 4 people in it) Nothing is really thrilling me, I'm mostly just

escaping into books & reading stuff like other peoples blogs online, even doing things like figuring out what bills I can pay each paycheck is almost too overwhelming right now & I've always been facinated by manipulating my available funds in the most lucrative way. Part of the problem is there isn't enough funds in general right now! But I tried to fix that the other day & got a loan & even figuring out which bills to pay off completley is too much to work on right now! I'm not exactly depressed but I'm not feeling very cheery right now. Oh well, maybe putting it all out there will help a little.

 

 

Sweet 16 or devil spawn?
Well, Anyone who has to deal with a 16 year old knows the answer to my question in the title- shes demon spawn! example? I had this blog up & she started reading- now there are reasons I didnt include her in my diatribes last night I didn't have any pictures I liked of her on the cameraphone, I was afraid she'd be mad about it & she always gets mad if I do! So here we are looking over my blog & after scrolling through a few entries I gET: 'jeeze, Mom don't you care about me at all? you don't even write about me on your stupid blog!' & like a ghost, right in my ear I hear my mother saying with disgust as she walked away from the teenage me: 'damned if I do, damned if I don't I can't win with you. I give up' ok, so I apologize to my mother! To her credit Lois is getting remarkably mature lately- she was supposed to go to the football game tonight & her ride canceled at the last minute & she accepted that with good grace & no tears which was a nice, but rare,thing to see!

Cameron- sweetie pie or monkey in boy skin?

So I walk into Cams room yesterday right after he got home from school & hes standing on the back of his bed as I walk in he somersalts down the length of the bed hooks his feet over the bottom of the bed & lands on the floor at the foot of the bed.After nearly fainting & having a bunch of alternate scenarios pass through my head - including one where he takes a tumble to the right & somersalts right through the window- glass & all! I ask him 'why did you do that? you could get hurt?' to which he replies -in the same tone I use with elderly people on the phone at my work who think we can see them through the satellite box- 'Don't worry mom I know what I'm doing!' so I made him clean his room. I helped- at one point we had the toy box pulled out into the room & I asked him to go get a bag for trash {why does he keep the gummy snack wrappers?} & instead of walking around the toy box he leapt over it, caught his foot & knocked the whole thing over!At least I hadn't cleaned it o!
ut yet!

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Valerie - light of my life- scourge of my evening!

BehoLD: The Queen of procrastination! This child began her homework before I arrived home from work at 845 & now as its rapidly heading for 10 pm shes balancing shovels on her palm {plastic shovel} & going out to check on the cat because she thought she heard it. Theres still homework to be done & a bath to be taken! I'm not happy about it. Yelling, screaming & appealing to her common sense are not working tonight.This is no odd night its like this every night. Tonight shes been sent to the dining room to do her homework so I can watch the news before I go to bed & we are talking about less than 20 minutes here.On the nights when I work all day & then have to get up the next morning & go back to work the next day {only 2 days in a week I admit} I go to bed as early as possible!- Val is always loving, sweet, headstrong & impatient.Shes always feeling like she is getting the short end of the stick- not the oldest & not the baby- always wanting to keep the peace.My difficult mid!
dle child!

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Yesterday

You never think, when you're out running around that the day will fly so fast! how can 24 + hours have passed already? I'll always take a bad day at home or out & about over a good day at work- Yesterday- in spite of not having much of any money was a pretty good day- The kids & I went to C'burg & directly to Target, this was the first time we'd been there since they put out the Halloween stuff so we had a lot of fun checking it all out & I got a plastic tub in orange & black to store my halloween decorations in. {thank goodness for the target card!} After that we drove to a different Walmart than we usually use because there was a Virginia Tech game in town & I try to avoid that mess at all costs. If I had had more money we would have gone to Roanoke!I was broke enough that we went home to eat dinner instead & the kids played around Lois disappeared as usual & I did laundry & went online & man do I wish I was back there & not here at work-!

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