Thirteen Reasons to Stay Away from my EX
Topic: Thursday Thirteen
1 he's a liar
2 he's not writing or emailing to the kids regularly- out of sight out of mind
3 Shannon, Tracy, Teresa & all the others he was cheating on me with while telling me I was out of my mind to think he would ever cheat.
4 he's having problems with his current wife &, I've heard from her that he's cheated on her too
5 he tries to gather information on me & how I'm raising the kids in order to use it against me
6 he judges how I'm raising the kids because he thinks I should be sterner, meaner & have more control over them.
7 I've only met 1 person in my whole life who was a better chameleon than him.
8 He didn't pay a cent of child support for 4 years & still expects me to praise him now that the government is forcing him to do so by taking it away from him.
9. he's a bully.
10. he's an alcoholic.
11. he had a bad childhood & still uses it as an excuse at 32.
12. he knows he had a bad childhood & would rather use it to explain/excuse what he does wrong rather than rising above it & overcoming his knee jerk responses.
13. he has no conscience whatsoever.
And yet, There's not a thing I can do to keep him from coming here...

Still Stuck on the Same page...
Now Playing: Passive by A Perfect Circle
Topic: Family Business
The computer came home (finally) on monday evening, I pretended to my ex & a few other people that I didn't hook it right up monday when I got home but I did. I've been catching up since then. The ex had left an email on 4/7 saying he was coming the 12th. I hadn't heard from him since, there was only the 1 email on the 7th & nothing else either way. So thinking it was because he was in transit I went into panic mode & cleaned the house, changed my schedule at work, I had hounded my boss through sunday & monday to get me the 17th off. Then when I got the email from the ex that he was coming early I called work to change that & was told I had to come in & do it in person & thursday, the next day I work, wasn't enough notice to do so. I went in there & ended up face to face with the Director of the place who approved my day off with out a pause, originally he was going to set up for me to have both friday & monday, but I said no, friday should do it...
Open mouth, insert foot. Now this morning I get up & there's an email from the ex saying oh, change of plans I'm getting home the 14th, we'll be there the 16th!!
I'm going to let my boss sort it out with the Director tommorow when we're back to work.
Let me just state for the record that I wish my ex would either drop out of my kids lives altogether (no big loss considering how seldom he calls or writes or sees them:2002, 2004 & 2006-if he shows up) Or would move back to this state & file for visitation so we're on a regular schedule where I can say to the kids, ok, Dads going to be here to get you Tuesday, Thursday & next weekend etc.
The thing that really upsets me is the knowledge that he may have been messing with me just to mess with me...No one else in the family had heard of any changes in his schedule but me. Which made me wonder about it at the time, but my work is so psychotic about days off & having to request them in advance & all, that I went & changed my day off.
There are bright sides to the whole thing though, my drive to work at 530 last night with all 3 kids was a pretty drive with the sun in a different position from where it is on my way to work in the morning. Then after my business was taken care of we went to dinner at a mexican resturant which I really love. & then we went & got a push broom & some other odds & ends, wasp spray especially. At the big chain hardware store with the blue sign.
Then on the way home everone (but me) thought we needed desert, since my car needed oil though I stopped at a store & got everyone ice cream treats & a good time was had by all on a night that would otherwise have included homework, showers & negotiating online time for 4 people 2 of whom only want to play games & should be doing their homework.
It really was a nice night, the sort of impromtu thing we used to do a lot of before I bought the house & had more money because when I was in the trailer I paid $150. a month lot rent & once I got up over 10 bucks an hour there was plenty of money for most stuff...

Becky's vanity plate:

MAKMLAF

'What will your vanity plate say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Thirteen things about my childhood
Topic: Thursday Thirteen


1. I have 2 cousins with in a year of my age who were my first friends, from birth forward, I'm friends still with 1 of them. the other is too annoying!
2. I grew up from age 2 forward in the same house with my parents & my mothers parents, My Grandparents had their own living room & bedroom suite.
3. I was homeschooled
4. before that I went to 2 free schools, 1 is now defunct, the other is still a model for free schools the world over called: Sudbury Valley School

5. I had only 1 sibling, my brother, he killed himself in 1989 at age 16
6. I was pretty spoiled as a young child & even when older, though I didn't think I was spoiled I know now my parents were pretty open handed & easy going (at least on rules & letting me do what I wanted- watching tv, staying up to 4 am reading or watching tv etv...)
7. though I was spoiled etc in some ways in others I was smothered & put down, I was naturally loud, exuberant etc. & though that sometimes pops through still. I smother myself with worry about being too loud, sounding too crazy, being too wild... all of which I know are tapes I heard every day as a kid from my mother...
8. I read a ton from a very early age (3) & at my height 10-15 years of age I could read a book (a thick one like a stephen king book in a day & a half.
9. I Loved history from an early age too...old things, knowing that someone was there before, the house I grew up in had been in my mothers' fathers' family since it was built & that had a lot to do with it.
10. I was very precocious too.
11. I took swimming lessons every year but didn't ever get my lifesaving because I finished at 13 & you had to be 15 to take the lifesaving test, by the time I was 15 I was off doing other things.(drinking, hanging out. You know, Important things!!)
12 we heated with wood in our kitchen & my brother & I helped cut & haul wood every fall...I thought this was fun then. In 1997 & 1998 my ex & I rented a house with only a wood stove for heat & I found there's not a damn fun thing about it at all (& it's so dirty too)
13. I kept a diary from age 11 onwards but my writing was so messy even I can't make out more than half of the words in any of them (I have like 20 of them)

Facing my addiction
Now Playing: The Sweetest Thing by U2
Topic: Rambling on
So this is floating in cyberspace to be posted on day 1 of my exile from my computer, it hasn't worked right in weeks, when we're on instant messenger - doesn't matter which one- we look like we're off. I can't change my desktop from a blank screen, though I can change the color of the screen. that stays. (& I can change the administrator settings, just not my own. & I don't know how to move things between my settings & the administrator because If I could conveniently move a lot of this stuff to there where only I know the password I would move them & leave these settings to the kids...) Anyway, the computer's funky & a coworker who fixes computers in his spare time has offered to try to fix it pro bono. But he doesn't want to drive all the way to my house so I've got to bring it to work & he's going to try to have it back in a day (we have different days off) 3 at the most...due to our schedules it's either 1 or 3. I hope he can do something with it we've never had audio thru the computer & I don't even know where to look to know if I have an audio card... As Important as music is to me you'd think it would have been my first concern.
Because I didn't have a computer untill just last year (thanks J) I didn't really get to do any downloading in the illegal sense back when it was legal. So I didn't get addicted. When friends did show me how they did this all I could think was this has 'got' to be illegal!
I'm sure I'll miss having the computer for 2 or 3 days, but I'm sure I'll get a lot done. hell, as I type this I'm typing it on word pad because my satellite internet is down. This is the first time ever that there's been a problem & I'll be at 2 months tommorow (the tommorow on the day you're reading this, not the true tommorow as I'm writing it!) I was a little worried it was my end but I rebooted, reset the modem & all the modem lights are flashing as if they were ok. Then after an hour (I'm patient about technical stuff, I work in tech support after all) I tried to call & got an all circuts are busy message & then I got thru to the phone tree, but when I selected Technical support I got a busy signal & I have never had a problem reaching them before (before I got installed they sent me a cd rom of virus protection but the sent the wrong one, it was a training cd rom for installers (!) so I have called them before & it took 5 minutes to get thru. So I know it's got to be on their end.) So on to the laundry I need to fold. & then over the weekend if it's not rainy we're supposed to hike, if it is rainy we'll probably do craft stuff 'cause I have a bunch of projects I'm itching to do but haven't had time for since we got online because, of course, this is more interesting than painting a welcome sign for beside my front door (even if I finish it I won't hang it untill after my ex has come & gone- Don't want him to think he's welcome!)

(& annother thing, would you belive he's online on yahoo instant messenger & beside his name it says "busy fighting a war be back soon" what a crock.)

Too Funny
Now Playing: Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads
ok I usualy don't just post random links but I was reading someone else's blog & this was just too funny to pass up, yes, it's a shameless promotion for a prescription drug but it's really cute & just: TOO Funny

annother 20 questions
Now Playing: Happy? by Mudvane
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
1. Who was your first prom date? No prom, I was homeschooled & missed out on all that pomp & circumstance. for which I was profoundly grateful for at the time but think now I have no universal memory like the rest of my peers at least in the U.S.

2. Who was your first roommate? Chrissy...19 Berkley Road Hull Mass...1 block from the ocean & right next door to hell (to hear the neighbors tell it they were next door to hell being next door to us though) What a wild year! - ok 9 months!

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? Vodka & Fruit Punch. With Chrissy...Also the night of my first kiss & because I was drunk I do not remember my first kiss- A life lesson I have done very well in remembering...next day Chris dropped me off at home & I went out with my father & brother while hung over... don't have a clue where we went either, I just remember being in the car feeling sick & it being very hot....years later when I told my father I was hung over he was amazed & could not belive I could possibly have been.

6. What was your first job? pre taxes: Babysitting for my aunt & uncle.at their house, 25 bucks a week & room & board. free cable in my room & saturdays & sundays off.
post taxes: Dunkin Donuts pouring coffee & serving donuts...ugh

5. What was your first car? 1978 Plymouth Arrow. this is where I learned the life lesson that 4 cylinder cars should not have automatic transmissions! at least not if they're 10 years old & have been driven in the mountians for their whole lives.

6. When did you go to your first funeral? Memorial Service: at age 8 I was an acolyte at my church & was asked to do the service. real funeral? I guess my Brothers graveside service would qualify so I was 20.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 15 if you count moving in with the aforementioned aunt & uncle. 18 when I moved here to VA for 3 months...

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Hallie, though we didn't label it as first grade, that was too limiting...as you can see we also didn't belive in the ms or mrs labels either. we were all on a first name basis....lol, though I admit I'm still more comfortable that way myself, I hate it when my kid's friends try to call me mrs anything (that's my (ex) step mother in law..not me)

9. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? at 24 to Houston Texas with my ex & my oldest kid who was 2 then & did not like the pressure "ok," she said as the plane took off, "that's enough, I want to get OFF NOW" my ex & I were laughing so hard we couldn't even speak to her. We went there to get my mother who'd been living there for awhile & was driving back, she flew us down to spell her in the driving, when I tell people on the phone at work who are from Texas, when they ask if I've ever been to Texas. That I've only been to Houston, they tell me not to judge Texas by Houston! I think that's funny 'cause I saw nothing wrong with Houston.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was with you? I never had to sneak out of the house, my mother was at work & my father upstairs in his den. They also (probably stupidly) trusted me.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends always? My cousin Jenn was really my first best friend. for non-related people, it was Heather & no, it was one of those friends because our parents were friends things (we were a year old) & the last time I saw her we were 10 or so.... We were supposed to get together after my Brother died but after 2 years of missing each other's calls, & not being able to find each others places (that was me, I hate driving around Brockton MA) we sortof gave it up.

12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house? Hull with Chrissy, (See #2)

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Call? The reason I have a bad day is because I'm on the phone with a headset on my head listening to people bitch. The last thing I do after a bad day is call someone....(if it's a bad day that was not work related I'd probably call my Grandmother- even at 88 she's got a great way of taking things as she come & I'm glad she's rubbed off on me over the years)

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Never have been a bridesmaid, I was a flower girl when I was 3 or 4 though, & the only thing I remember is the bride grabbing me (during the wedding at the front of the church) by the shoulders & planting me in one spot hissing 'stay still' I sincerely hope I didn't ruin the wedding.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Make sure everyone has coats on & their knapsacks, this is from my bed as they go out the door....

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? Preservation Hall Jazz Band at the south shore music circus, I think they took me in utero even....Concert I cared about: Iron Maiden & Twisted Sister at the Worcester Centrum

17. First tattoo or first piercing? 15 years old, on my left thigh above my knee, a heart, all because I'd watched Escape from New York on hbo that night & was really in love with that snake on his belly, I wanted to know just where that snake ended....lol...

18. First celebrity crush? Davy Jones of the Monkees.

19. First crush? JH from my church.

20. First love? Ugh...I mean Doug. My oldests dad...We all have our lessons to learn He taught me well...

Self Portrait Tuesday
Topic: Self Portrait Tuesday

Ok, I promised myself I would not do any more 'days' with asigned themes, but I can do this...it won't take much after all...
& if I break my self promise now I won't feel so bad when I get around to doing memory mondays!

">Self Portrait Tuesday

The Ex Cometh
Now Playing: Changes By Black Sabbath
Topic: Rambling on
I left work early back on Friday, I was feeling Ill & on top of that my ex's threatened visit was really putting me into a tailspin. My house is a mess, my yard is a mess, I'm broke, I have broken windows & can't figure out how to take the boards that hold the windows in their frames off to take the windows out & repair them (or how to keep the rope & weight system, that keeps them up when they're open, intact so they'll still work when I'm thru with the glass change)& the night before I got a harsh email from the ex. Being himself & mad because I have a problem with unsupervised visitation & have made it clear that he'll see the kids with me or at his Moms or Brothers houses only. I have had reservations about even having him at my house, so far he dosen't even know where I live now. So I went home early & cleaned house, got no further on the window issue but at least the house was clean, even the cobwebs came off the ceilings (I'm not much of a housekeeper generally) Then I went to my kids school, they have copies of the custody orders & know he's not allowed to take them anywhere but I wanted to give them a heads up about the visit, especially since he was making a fuss about wanting to talk to their classes about his alleged Iraq visit, the school told me addressing the classes was by invitation only & he was not invited(!) then I got an apology from him via email,(glad I have this one stored, I've only had a couple in 14 years so it's a treasure) he blamed his hateful, mean email on the stress of being in Iraq & then slipped it in that he or they are coming almost 2 weeks earlier than he originally said. Now he can't even give me a date for sure. maybe arount the 13th, maybe closer to the 17-18. He's just not sure, I really have my doubts that the military does things this haphazardly. I realize that they might make leaves a little random but it seems that since we're talking about less than 14 days notice for a supposed 15 day time off that they'd have pinned it down by now (at the very least for the military's own convenience) So once again, I have to come to the conclusion that this is just annother B.S. attempt like so many others to put me in a unbalanced, uncomfortable space of mind. Or maybe I just THINK it is? with him you can never tell. Now today I get annother email with all kinds of assurances that he would not, ever, think about taking the kids away from me, he doesn't want to do 10 years for kidnapping etc. (all valid points I admit) but I know him well enough after living with him for 9+ years & knowing him for 24, that I know he belives himself to be invincible & thinks that if he doesn't want to be found he won't be found. Of course, the real kicker in this one is that I don't actually belive he's in the military so all his assurances that he'd be court martialed etc. are not in the least impressive to me! We shall see what happens though, at the least I'll be interested to see his wife face to face in light of her emails back in February. I hope after what I wrote to her back then it is clear to her now that I have no designs on getting him back & would rather shoot him for tresspassing than have him back in my home & so she can hopefully overcome some of her jealousy. (the other 2 times they've come for a visit -2002 & 2004- we've all done things together with the kids & I have strived to keep things light, friendly & fun. But have heard thru the grapevine later that she thought I was too friendly & was flirting with him etc. Anyone who know's me knows I do not flirt. ever. & I certainly do not want that JackA** back! She's welcome to him & all the sorrow that goes with him!)

Paranoid
Now Playing: Dosen't remind me of Anything by Audioslave
Topic: Family Business



So the Ex is coming, first it was for a week, now it's for 3 days or maybe 3 & 1/2. As usual he's not sure, of course I know that the 'not sure' & 'doesn't remember' stuff he perpetuates is often a mask for his true motives, he often pretends he doesn't know something when he actually does because he likes to display an image of not paying attention to much when he actually is watching things like a hawk. Once when we were married I drove us somewhere & I thought he was asleep the whole drive, when we got there & he told me he hadn't been asleep I questioned this as I was not too pleased that he had not been asleep (there was someone else in the car & we were having a private discussion)He not only was able to report back to me the entire discussion the other person & I had but also tell me the make & model of every car we passed on our 20 mile drive (not a lot of them, it was very early in the morning & we only passed about 10 cars)He is scary that way & it wories me that he's being rather vague about the dates. He says 3 days but then he says they're driving from Sunday to Monday & will be here Monday afternoon & fails to say wether monday is counted as a day or if Thursday would be the third day. It's typical of him & worries me, I've already alerted the school & certain Family members & friends who are my backup. I'm leaving it to him to let his Mom & Brother know. Since he says they're staying with his Sister & his Brother I certainly hope he's mentioned it to them! I've also asked for a swap at work so I work the Saturday before he shows up & then have Thursday off (when he may or may not be here still) & I left work early today because I was sick & timed my drive when leaving halfway thru the day to see if leaving at that time would get me home in time to pick up the kids at school on that Monday.(it should, barring any log trucks!)Which, should be ok. If he's not lying & actually staying more days than he's said he would (not unheard of in the past)So he drives me nuts, I have to worry all the time about it & on top of that he's remarried & she's aparently jealous of the time we were married which is silly because the 2 times we've met I've worked very hard to show that I have no interest in him in the least except that he's the only person who cares as much as I do about the kids.

Thirteen Favorite Rock Bands
Topic: Thursday Thirteen
13 Favorite Rock bands (not in order for sure)
1 Led Zeppelin
2 Guns n Roses
3 Rush
4 Audioslave
5 Alice in Chains
6 Soundgarden
7 The Beatles
8 Ozzy Osbourne
9 Smashing Pumpkins
10 Pink Floyd
11 Def Leppard
12 The Eagles
13 Godsmack

40 Questions
Now Playing: Keep 'Em Seperated, by Offspring
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
40 Questions,
With thanks (apologies?)to Open Book Jennifer

1. My uncle once:. Let me live with him & my aunt for 6 months, if they hadn't done so I doubt I or my mother would have survived my 15th year.

2. Never in my life: Have I seen the sun set into the ocean, that's part of my plans before I die to go to California & see that, some poor, unromantic soul pointed out to me once I could do that on the west coast of Florida & could not understand when I said ''but it's not the same"

3. When I was five: I used to set up all the lawn chairs in our barn, I showed my mother what I'd done, pointed to the little chairs & said these are for the kids, then I pointed to the big chairs & said these are for the people, my mother didn't get what I meant at first, then she realized I meant grown ups when I said people & told me 'kids are people too, we're all people', I still remember this because it was such a total revelation to me!

4. High School was: High school?....lol... I never went & I don't mean I skipped, I was homeschooled & belive me there are not alot of 37 year olds who can say THAT!

5. I will never forget: Any of my kid's births, or when I was told, ever, that someone I knew had died.

6. I once met: ??? no one famous

7. There's this girl I know who: Coughed so hard she ruptured all the blood vessels in 1 eye, the whole white part of her eye is bright red.

8. Once, at a bar: Someone drove thru the wall of the bar as they were pulling into the parking lot, he'd already had a few at home, needless to say.

9. By noon, I'm usually: (work days:) needing to go pee because I drank a whole bottle of Sobe on break an hour before. (home days:) either just getting out of bed because I've been reading there for a few hours or glued to the computer.

10. Last night: I watched a dvd with my kids on tv, (Harry Potter & the goblet of fire) took a shower & went to bed at a reasonable hour.

11. If I only had: (are you kidding?) An electrician, A lot of money, A good man (oxymoron...& that's why I'll never have one...lol) All the time in the world.

12. Next time I go to church: I will have a long drive - it's 30 miles to the nearest Unitarian church- which is what I grew up as, other wise, as far as I'm concerned anytime I take a walk outside or on the blue ridge parkway I am in church.

13. Terry Shiavo: Is at peace now.

14. What worries me most: oh, everything, I worry about my kids, I worry about the rest of my family, I worry about money & not having enough & about getting sick & losing everything because I can't afford

15. When I turn my head left, I see: The door to the garage, Cat clinging to the edge of the window wanting to come in.

16. When I turn my head right, I see: my printer, my sewing boxes, my antique sewing machine.

17. You know I'm lying when: I say I don't remember something, I almost never forget anything- though I have a few fuzzy years, (I try not to remember too much of my time with my ex, at least the parts he was in)

18. What I miss most about the eighties: being a teenager.. maybe some of the music...

19. If I was a character in Shakespeare, I'd be: certainly not Juliet...lol, maybe lady Macbeth

20. By this time next year: I hope to have a clean neat house...ha ha...

21. A better name for me would be: I don't mind my name, I know my mother was going to name me Jemima after a character in a book, Mima for short. but she didn't because of Aunt Jemima's pancake syrup, she felt people would make fun of me.

22. I have a hard time understanding: How we can spend the day out, from 10 am to 6 pm & by 8 the house is a wreck again

23. If I ever go back to school, I'll: Yeah, right!

24. You know I like you if: I actually talk to you

25. If I ever won an award, the first person I'd thank would be: My mother for giving me life & then my kids for beliving in me

26. Darwin, Mozart, Slim Pickens & Geraldine Ferraro: Does Barbra DeAngelis count? (back when my ex left one of her books probably saved my life.) Kurt Cobain, Johnny Depp & Hillary Clinton

27. Take my advice, never: oh boy, way too many things to list, never belive a liar, never fall in love untill the background check comes back. Never tell a 9 year old that you might do anything because overnight it becomes written in stone that you 'promised' to do whatever it was not just said in passing that you might or would try.

28. My ideal breakfast is: Homemade Pancakes (i'll mix them you cook them) spread with Raspberry Jam

29. A song I love, but do not have is: Finger Eleven: One Thing

30. If you visit my hometown, I suggest: You check out the Blue Ridge Parkway

31. Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: Peonys, Liars, Music & Celebritys in general

32. Why won't people: just live & let live

33. If you spend the night at my house: either you'll sleep in my bed or you'll be uncomfortable, I have a terrible couch.

34. I'd stop my wedding for: I don't intend to get married again so almost anything, I'm not much for pomp & circumstance. my daughter was my flower girl at the first (only) one in front of the fireplace at my grandmothers house & we did take a little break because she was bored & restless

35. The world could do without: people who seem to know how you should live your life better than you do yourself.

36. I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: um, not much I would not do rather than do that.

37. My favorite blonde is: my son, who will tell you he's not a redhead hes 'strawberry blonde'

38. Paper clips are more useful than: Rubber bands? what are we looking for here?

39. If I do anything well, it's: Read

40. And by the way: The Only Constant is Change

100 things about me
Topic: 100 things about me
29- I learned from my father as a child & teenager how to develop black & white negatives & prints, the last time I used the skills was after my father died to print a bunch of pictures of he & my brother thru their lives for a bunch of family members. I have my Fathers equipment but I don't have the chemicals & probably couldn't remember how to mix them or anything. Everything is different nowadays anyway, you've got computers where you had enlargers & chemicals to develop the prints.

28- I see my ex's family more than my own, they're a lot more fun than most of my own family & we've all gotten closer since my ex moved away than we ever were when he & I were married.

27- I am a lot more interested in other peoples blogs these days than I am in my own. My assumption is that most people like blogs which are about current events, I don't expect a large readership on my own because I'm mostly writing for myself, I unlike, (what I assume is) the general opinion of others like the blogs which are more similar to mine. people talking about themselves, their childhood memories, their own kids, stuff like that in general.

26- I started this feeling like I would have no trouble ripping off 100 things about myself but they're getting rarer, I'm reading other people's 100 things for ideas, that's where things like favorite cars, foods etc. came from.

25- If I borrowed something from you & you're reading this please consider imitation the sincerest form of flattery

24- If I could have any car I'd have a new 2005 mustang, my next expected car purchase will probably be a honda crv or something in that small suv range, I shop all the time for cars, not at car lots, I just point out cars I like to the kids while we're driving, This drives them nuts since I can't get a replacement car for my pt. cruiser for at least annother year & I would be smarter to wait for 2 more years & pay it off.

23- My favorite flowers are Peonys, Roses & Irises. But I like Lilacs, daffodills & hyacinths too, about the only flowers I don't care for are the November (my birth month) flower, chrysanthemums.

22- Besides my family's 10 acres & the neighbors multiple acres behind my house growing up I also had the park across the street to hike around in. I'm not supposed to mention the park anymore because that's where my brother hung himself later but I(& he)had a lot of fun there before that happened & so I keep my good memories of the place,

21- I took my kids to that park in 2003 (I think it was that year, I had my white car still I'm pretty sure) I didn't tell them about the bad stuff about my brother, just my happy memories of swimming there, hiking around there, the giant rock in the hill above the swimming hole. the carvings in the trees up there that we used to walk around & read, the frog pond etc.

20- we didn't stay long, not because of the memories. It was mostly the bugs, I always forget how many bugs there are in Mass, here in the Virginia mountains there just aren't that many blackflies or mosquitos, just ants, flies, sweatbees & the biggest wasps & bees I've ever seen! I've already laid in a supply of wasp killer- the kind which is supposed to keep them away for a couple of weeks, if I spray a can every 2 weeks & buy annother each time I get paid I might be able to avoid any unpleasant nests cropping up anywhere on the eaves of the house or shed

The Boondocks (& I don't mean the comic strip!)
Now Playing: Devils Haircut by Beck
Topic: Rambling on

Over the past few weeks a co-worker's life has been getting steadily worse, she took her mom back to where she was from so her mom's sister could take care of her for awhile & she could get a break (mom has dementia probs etc) her dad's still in the area & so she still has care of him but it's still half the load which was supposed to be a good thing. But as usual when you get one thing 'fixed' a dozen more come crowding in needing attention. So she's having trouble making ends meet & started making comments about living in her car. I have space & though she can be a little tiresome I said look, I'm not going to let you live in your car, if things are that bad come stay at my house, I have a half finished garage which is at least, insulated & has a fridge, we discussed a few things she/we could do to make it more inhabitable etc & tonight after work she wanted to follow me home from work & see the place, meet my kids etc. As I said I did this not with out reservations but: 1) I could not see letting her live in her car while I had spare space & 2) Once I impulsively offered I couldn't very well take it back (it's that Damn Sagitarius birth sign, My Libra rising sign tries & tries to quell it but once in awhile it just busts out & I end up in a rainy 32 degree day in a skirt & suede shoes or something worse) During work tonight I listened as she made plans with annother co-worker who's started a part time business with her husband in repo-ing cars. KS (the first co-worker) likes to ride along with ES while she's repo-ing cars & I'm sure it's a thrill. I tried to get the ex to do that with me for a company in Roanoke during our last year together but he thought he'd get shot. So they made plans for K to meet E at E's house at 6 am. I said to K 'are you sure you want to come to my house to visit tonight when you've got to be at E's house so early?". "oh, no problem" she airily replies. I had already warned her it's a 27 mile drive & mentioned I take the curvier, shorter way in daylight & the 2 miles longer but (Slightly) straighter way home in the dark (I have an aversion to going the same way anywhere twice on the same trip- too boring) So we start out after she warns me not to drive too fast- I didn't but 24 miles into the trip she flashed her headlights & pulled over, I pulled over (never a good idea on curving mountain roads in the dark. What can you do though- I thought her car may have broken down) & the first thing she says to me is "how much further is it?" I told her annother 3 miles or so & she just gapes at me. "well, I told you 27 miles" I say, "I thought you lived in the country in Illinois & Kansas" she assures me country in those states is nothing like country here! when we finally get to my house she said she didn't remember my saying 27 miles & she can not belive I drive 'all that way' to go to work every day, I pointed out why did she think I like working 4-10 hour days instead of 5 8 hour days & why I bitch so much when we're on mandatory overtime & why when there's anything over 3 inches of snow on the ground I don't come to work. She offered to support me when I discuss this with our boss next time as she said she can really see why I would not be able to get there in bad weather. She liked the garage but said her car could not take that kind of abuse even if we only used it 2 days a week to go to work & my car the other 2. On her days off she'd still need to see her dad & could not go that far because he's back near where we work. I can't say I'm disappointed, she's nice enough but kind of an attention grabber & as I said, as soon as I had offered I was sorry just because of thinking of my late nights with the computer & Sirrius music on the tv set! My drive is not unusual either at our work or in the area, I've heard people in the breakroom discussing traveling 77 miles each way to work where I work & having been there less time than me they make even less than I do. there's 2 people who drive by my house at about 530 & 545 who are going somewhere distant monday thru friday too. I'm often on the way to the bathroom or just back from there at that hour & see the cars lights pass my windows. A daily drive, for many people, to Roanoke is not unusual either, that's 50+ miles from here either way you go. Of course no one's commute is easy, if you don't have distance you often have traffic! In Mass from my childhood home it was 20 miles to Boston & from my later home it was 40 miles, either way unless you hit it just right (& in later years we're talking from 10:30 am to 2:30 pm monday thru thursday only-friday saturday & sunday & evenings all bets are off) you were on the road at least an hour often a lot more than that. (I'm a vetran of the North Shore to South Shore run thru Boston & have driven it in all types of weather, all times of day & night & multiple states of awareness - including thru the main part of highway thru the city in borrowed Spencer's halloween masks - of course the stretch I'm refering to has been gone for a few years now but anyone who was there before that will remember it- I annoyed my daughter telling her to take a good look as we drove north to south thru there 2 years ago because I said she'd never see those buildings up close like that again, the whole thing is closed in now & just a tunnel- ugh. oh well it's still better than 128!)
So no roomie for me. Not a problem, sometimes I think if I ever do find annother guy I'd drive him crazy anyway with my independence & disinterest in doing anything but what I want to do & being with the kids (& then there's the other half of me which worries that if I got involved with annother guy I'd go back & make the same mistakes I made with the last one & have no life but him like I did with my ex. Single is easier & much more comfortable I'm sorry to say- Balance again-)
P.S. Happy Birthday Chris-sea! sorry again for being late with my wishes.

Saturday: Just annother day of Work, with out the Headset & the Customers
Now Playing: Audioslave: Doesn't Remind Me of Anything
Topic: Family Business
For a day where I was cleaning for the majority of it, it's been a pretty good day, 6's room was a mess, as usual, so I decided to tackle it today, he did help, which proves he's growing up, he used to just wander off or whine & cry the whole time. For once he was fairly enthusiastic. He seems to have figured out that we find all his missing toys during the cleanup. I don't care one way or the other about the toys but I like to have a clear path to the closet since the only closet in the downstairs is in his room, it has 2 doors but you (or he) can walk between them inside the closet, so one half is mine & the other is his (his sister's rooms upstairs have their own closets which I hear are packed full I would prefer not to go look for myself thank you!) After that lovely mess was finished I changed sheets, nagged other people to change their sheets, washed & dried laundry all day long & ran around picking up & fixing broken things like the drawer in my coffe table that 'someone' broke off the front of I'm not sure who 'Not Me' & 'Ida Know' are but they're no longer welcome in my house because the break stuff every time they stop by! After I was sick of yelling & tired of going from room to room finding more stuff which was broken, filthy or in disaray miss 9 & I pulled out my box full of little bead drawers & I showed her how to make necklaces, I found to my dismay that I had only 1 beading needle so I couldn't do much while she was making her necklace so I sorted beads. which have been a mess for aproximately 6 years, the last time I remember doing much of anything with the beads was the Christmas after 6 was born when I made beaded crystals to hang on car rearview mirrors for everyone for gifts. messing with the beads along with making dinner took up the rest of the day, later the 4 of us looked at ghost pictures, played scrabble online & checked out a site called About which had a bunch of urban legends etc. we took a really neat quiz there which had a bunch of pictures, (some of which I have seen in emails) & you had to guess which were real & which were fake. (everyone liked the giant ant a lot)
It was all in all a pretty good day in spite of the weather. Everyone was a little disappointed because 2 weeks ago today it was over 80 & in anticipation of beautiful weekends in the future I had said we'd go on our first hike of the season today. Then it snowed last night & today, though no accumulation, so no hike, as a matter of fact only 6 went outside today at all, the rest of us pretty much stayed in all day & 16 never even changed out of pajamas,(in her case sweats & a t shirt really) So weather permiting 2 weeks from now we'll be hiking on the parkway or down in Patrick county hiking by the river which is a favorite that I haven't been able to do for a few years due to being ill & then weak from being ill. It's nice to be able to do stuff again with out getting exausted & ending up with shaking knees!
Back to work for Monday 1 of my week on Sunday, as my boss says working 2 days, having 2 off then working 2 & having 1 off means it's always monday or friday! The good thing I didn't mention when writing about my pay raise last night is that they're giving us merit bonuses monthly now. yesterday was the end of the most recent monthly incentive & I'll know Thursday how I did (the info is available Tuesday but I'm not there) so far, after 3 weeks I'm at 'silver' which means if I maintain that I'll walk away with a $90. bonus on my first check in April & a 5% increase in my hourly pay for the next 4 weeks. if I make gold both figures are doubled & platinum would double the gold money but I doubt I'll ever make platinum, they always catch me on quality assurance between 9 & 11 am & I'm just not at my best then so my scores suffer, either way it's more money for my vacation which is what I've earmarked any money I make thru this promotion which is going on all year. Or so they tell us!