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BecksBlog
Saturday, March 11, 2006
100 things about me
Now Playing: Incubus: Wish you were here
Topic: 100 things about me
49- I have a very vivid dream life- many of my dreams are of annother place which looks like real places I know but subtly different. I've been having dreams like this for as long as I can remember & so imagine my surprise when I was reading a book on mysteries of the world last summer & found someone who had documented a similar dream world, his name was Robert Monroe & there's a whole institute (in Virginia) dedicated to dreams & brain waves & astral travel (some of the stuff is a little extreme) He documented 3 different 'Locales' in which our dreams take place.

48- Part of my plan at this point in my life is to live here untill my kids are all grown up & have their own lives (I have hope that this happens someday- though I know there's lots of kids who never leave) & then sell the house (at a profit of course), get a small rv & see the country. I'll be too old to be a groupie by then but at least I can see the sights.

47- My parenting style is very laid back- untill the house is a mess. The kids always look shocked when after 3 or 4 reminders in a perfectly calm tone of voice that the living room needs to be cleaned up & they're still messing around or chasing each other from 1 room to annother, when I lose it & start yelling that the living room needs to be cleaned up now or they'll lose their tv privleges for the next week. Sometimes I wonder if I'd get them to do stuff sooner if I started with the yelling instead of starting with the calm, reasoned stuff. (that's how the ex got things done- he calls my style of parenting 'letting the kids walk all over you')

46- I find it hard to belive I am as old as I am, I still don't feel too far away from 19, of course I was old for my age as a teenager, so I've been the same for a long time.

45- I always wanted to birth at least one of my kids at home, my first I had no support for that, the other 2 their father was against it because he was premature he thought his kids would be premature (they weren't) I did get consent from a friend of his who was an emt to have my youngest at home & she was going to help & then we'd just have said the baby came too fast & when they came to get me in the ambulance it had been too late etc. but we moved to the other end of the county & it just wasn't going to be convenient.

44- a little over a year ago I wrote in a notebook, which I keep at work & just found today, a list of things I wanted to have in my house, (this was before I started looking for a house, I just wanted some guidelines, ) I wrote, a bedroom for everyone, garden space, some sort of hill that I can landscape on (I know a semi public garden built on a hill which I'd love to pay homage to) A porch or deck, either attic, basement or shed storage, & not too far off a main road. I managed to get all of these in my home & I only looked at this house. I never set foot in annother house when I went shopping (there weren't that many & I had been looking online for months before- I knew before I even stepped on the property that I wanted the place!)

43- Spring flowers are my favorite, & my new bulbs are sprouting as we speak, (or as I type?)I never thought 50 crocuses would be enough & I was right, but even sparse as they are they're nice to see, the hyacinth & the tulips will be along presently. This fall I'll have to get more bulbs to plant to increase the flowers beside our walkway.

42- When I was a kid we had a little 2 room cottage behind our house, with no electricity or running water, my mothers great uncle had lived there by himself when she was young, when I first started going out there all his stuff was out there still on built in shelves & stuff. The thing I remember most on those shelves was a birds skull. Later my Mother cleaned it out & when she started teaching us at home it was our school house, I could not stand to stay in there alone though, I just felt like someone was glaring at me & did not want me there

41- I used to have an entire collection of 'truly tasteless jokes' books. I loaned them to someone who promptly disappeared out of my life & took the books with her. I had read them over enough times that I really didn't need them anyway, I have an odd memory, if you ask me to tell a joke I'll have trouble coming up with one, if something jogs my memory in general life I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut & NOT telling the joke regardless of company etc. this used to drive my ex nuts; we'd be in bed at night & I'd think of a tasteless joke & just reel it off.. He would rarely actually laugh & always say 'what the hell made you think of that?' This has made me rather popular with my oldest's friends.

40- A friend once asked me when I listened to music did I pay more attention to the music itself or the lyrics, she, herself heard lyrics, her boyfriend at the time heard the music & didn't pay as much attention to the lyrics- (I'm sure he must have paid SOME attention to the lyrics) I had never really thought about it at that time, I just took it all as a package deal but now I find some songs I like the music more & some I like the lyrics more.

Posted by Becky at 12:02 AM EST
Wednesday, March 8, 2006
oooh weird
Now Playing: I'll stop the world & melt with you by Modern English, I love Sirrius alternative!
Topic: Rambling on


Weird things keep happening, I changed the picture to the left on here because It was hard to read the links over it, with dark lettering the bottom half blended in, with light lettering the top half blended, so I just changed the image. When I went to preview it, the computer showed my blog page with the writing & all but the writing seemed to be in latin! how odd! The cat got herself stuck between the screen door & the front door this morning, I was out on the porch reading in the sun. A good thing too because it's gone overcast this afternoon & if I'd waited 'til later which is my usual impulse when it comes to taking time out & reading I would have missed out on the sun & warmth, I mostly did it becuase I had only about 30 pages left in the book I'm reading & wanted to finish it up so I didn't have to drag it to work tommorow (big book & I hate to finish a book at work, especially if I finish during lunch or heaven forbid, first break, then I have nothing to do all the rest of the day) so I left the door part way open to let some air into the house & all of a sudden the cat's clinging to the screen & miaowing like mad. I opened the screendoor & pried her off of it & found she'd managed to shut the actual door tight behind her! she left mildly affronted at my request to know exactly what she thought she was doing. I think someone was here this morning too. I woke up to hear a car accelerating away from the house, since I live on a curve it could have just been someone accelerating aroung the curve, but it sounded like someone pulling out from in front of my house, nothing on my door though, if it were Jehovas witnesses they'd have left a tract, & it wasn't the sheriffs office with a summons, they'd have knocked until I woke up & answered -they know if the cars there so am I. Or they'd have left it on the door- they've done it before (I expect one will be coming eventually, I've been telling the ex to go to court to request visitation because I'm not going to agree to send the kids to Wisconsin for multiple days or even weeks & while he's supposed to be in Kuwait or Iraq he's also said he was going to go to court to have custody/visitation changed & has said he would have a leave in April or May or August or November- you can see why I don't take a lot of what he says very seriously- it's never the same story twice) The custody/visitation thing worries me but I have sat in court for hours on family court day -waiting my turn- & heard enough other people in front of the judge to know VA (or at least the judge here) does not allow non-custodial parents to take kids out of state & that they very seldom reverse a custody decsision once it's been done (& mine's been a done deal since December of 2001) so while I know, if I have to go to court for this eventually I will be sick as a dog over the whole thing but that other than allowing a schedule of visits supervised by my ex's Mother, Brother or other family - rather than the haphazard arangement of the same supervised visits which is what I have allowed previously- nothing much should change. Or maybe I'm just whistling in the dark?
So if someone was here, who? & why? Could have been the farmer who has a right of way on 1 corner of my land but it dosent look like he's been here, since the house was locked up tight I don't have to worry about anyone who might come take stuff (& I know a few people who might try) Then miss 16 has been text messaging me all day asking to come home, not because she's sick or anything, because she 'hates this school' is what she keeps saying & keeps saying- this has been going on for a few weeks, but she won't tell me why & I have to have a reason to deliberately subject myself to the emotional stress of going to the high school office & signing her out of school. I know, it shouldn't be that big a deal, but it is for me, I never went to high school, I was homeschooled & being in the prescence of so many teenagers & the people who try to keep them in line all day is weird for me. I like the elementary school better but only because of more exposure to it than the highschool, 16 spent all but 6 months of her education from 2nd grade to 7th grade at that school & the other 2 little ones coming up in the same school give me a certain clout although they don't like me too much there because I refuse to attend PTA (I've been known to choose work schedules which required me to work on Thursday nights so as not to be able to go & have a better excuse than 'I hate PTA) Most of the problem with PTA is that most everyone has known each other since highschool themselves & are remarkably clique-ey. combine that with a heavy sense of insular attitude- I'm not from here thus bad, odd, a hippie, out to change everything to my liking etc. The couple times I was forced into it by a teacher looking for 100% parental attendance for a special event I sat alone the whole time & I don't even have a little baby to attend to while I'm there for something to do anymore- which gives you an idea of how long it's been since I attended any PTA function! My 16 year old had a friend who moved here from somewhere else & HER mother became president of the PTA so as to get involved with the comunity- but I'm not an extrovert & I'm not about to do anything of the kind. Much to my little one's dismay (my oldest learned this long ago about me)I think the reason my kids don't have the same teachers back to back is an attempt to keep any teacher from losing the possibillity of 100 % parental PTA attendance for more than 1 year! (It does happen down here- though I know I'm not the only one who doesn't go)but enough rambling. it's just been a weird day so far!

Posted by Becky at 2:31 PM EST
Tuesday, March 7, 2006

***You Are 64% Open Minded***


You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.


How Open Minded Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howopenmindedareyouquiz/

Posted by Becky at 2:23 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, March 7, 2006 2:31 PM EST
Monday, March 6, 2006
*^%$# Computer!
Now Playing: Nice Shot by Filter
It's a familliar story, happens to everyone & I should be glad it was just what I was writing here, not anything big like if I wrote reports for work or something & it got lost due to the computer shutting down all on it's own for no reason (well, ok, I hit the power button on the keyboard when I was reaching across the keyboard to pick up my bowl of spinach - hey, it's light & fairly healthy & it's better for you than a bag of chips at 9:30 at night. Who ever thought of putting a power button on the keyboard anyway?)I had written a fairly long discussion of the crazy customers I talk to at work, it had gone on probably longer than was neccesary but what I wanted to really say was I talked to a guy today who wants to build an underground railroad beneath the Atlantic Ocean so you could take a train from America to the UK & not have to fly! this is not the only odd thing he said but it was certainly the funniest! well I spent 30 minutes on writing the first thing & am pretty much through with the computer for the evening. after all, I spent 10+ hours in front of one at work too (& it is every bit as frustrating as this one here I might add!)

Posted by Becky at 10:38 PM EST
Saturday, March 4, 2006
many 4's for the 4th
Now Playing: Wish You were Here by Pink Floyd
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
4 jobs I've had: Housekeeping in a nursing home, (I actually liked this job a lot)- Cook, Waitress etc for a Pizza conglomerate- Getting books unpacked, Logged in & tagged for use in a Library,(I did this for 4 months & could have been happy doing it my whole life except for the frustration of so many books so little time & the fact that the women who worked there were awfully gossipy & mean)- Head Cashier in a discount clothing store.
4 movies I can watch over & over again: The Lord of the Rings trillogy (yes, I'm a geek)Eye of the Beholder. Thunderheart, Moulin Rouge,
4 places I've lived: Hull Mass, Haverhill Mass, Rockland Mass & Floyd Virginia. I've tried a lot of Mass but only had to try 1 place in VA to know I loved it!
4 tv shows I love: Medium - (love that psychic stuff!!) Most Haunted- Good Eats- (Favorite show to watch with the kids) & Cold Case.
4 places I've vacationed: Massachusetts,(every summer now that I live in VA & we allways do at least 1 touristy thing- Plimouth Plantation, science museum etc..) Waterville Valley New Hampshire, (a couple of ski trips there are memorable) Maine (as a teenager I spent tons of time up there with friends for long weekends etc.) Virginia (Back when we lived in Massachusetts)
4 of my favorite foods- Chocolate, Cheesy poofs (nowadays only Barbara's baked ones from the health food store- jalepeno usually) Lobster, Popcorn (with my own special blend parmesan cheese & onion powder blend sprinkled liberally over it)
4 sites I visit daily: Chris-sea's Corner, Ann-is-clever, Looseleafnotes, my 16 year old daughter's myspace. (gotta be a vigilant parent after all)
4 places I'd rather be right now: On a cruise ship after winning publishers clearing house sweepstakes. Exploring the UK. Back in the past...oh, say during the 1770's, (yes, I'm still reading the Outlander series) Right here, RIght now But imagine I never had to go back to work & I had all the money I needed just the same!
4 random observations: Life is a roller coaster & I am not strapped in, The party of the least interest is the party of the most power. (too sad but too true) childrens television isn't what it used to be, not even 10 years ago let alone when I was a kid. Today's date is not just a date, it's a command. (now how's that for random?)

Posted by Becky at 10:14 AM EST
Updated: Wednesday, April 5, 2006 11:47 AM EDT
Friday, March 3, 2006
Annother day annother drive
Now Playing: Keep 'em Seperated The Offspring
Topic: Rambling on


27 miles each way, I drive the twisty way on the way to work, the straighter, longer way on the way home. music blasting, full out, balls to the wall as fast as centrifugal force will allow. I have found, since I moved, that it makes a great deal of difference what time I leave home in the morning, a difference of 2 minutes decides if I'm behind a school bus for 7 miles (untill he turns off at his home -it's my kid's bus driver & as he passes me waiting to turn onto the main road behind him he waves & laughs) or not. It can decide I'f I'm going to chance hitting this guy who drives from his driveway, across my path, to get onto the road to what is probably the way to his work (we've come close 2 or 3 times, most mornings his trucks still warming up in his driveway as I go by.) Wether I cross paths with the county sherrif on his way to work, headed in the opposite direction from me. (we wave) Or if I end up driving behind 2 guys in a 1 ton truck with a wood flatbed who shoot the breeze back & forth & seem to delight in driving 45 mph where I could (& would, if it weren't for them) do 55 or 60 with ease. the only passing zone for 15 miles is right in front of where my road turns onto the main road so passing is out of the question, there's 3 ways to go (4 if you want to go over a fairly large mountain - which I don't.) & then there's the town in the next county. the entire mile & a half thru this town is 25 mph while I'm driving through on my way to work due to 3 schools right in a row.The police are there every day. not just sometimes, every single day. the people who run the store I stop in every day I work think it's funny to count how many people the cops pull over. It has yet to be me & I don't intend to be pulled over. I speed, but not in school zones. I still feel guilty when I see a cop, even if I'm not doing anything wrong I feel like I am just by seeing the blue lights- even when they're not flashing- the drive to work is beautiful in some ways though, there's a couple of beautiful mountain ranges & when the sun is right, or the clouds are right it is something to see. Still though, I'd rather stay home!

Posted by Becky at 11:10 PM EST
Thursday, March 2, 2006
Annother day in the life.
Now Playing: Does the NBC Nightly news count? I'm multi tasking here!
Topic: Rambling on
Becky --
[adjective]:
Like in nature to a train-riding hobo
'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

It Could always be worse...
It was not the worst day I've ever had, it wasn't among my best though. I didn't lose my temper at anyone on the phone & I only remember shaking my middle finger at the computer screen during 3 or 4 calls today! over the course of 55-60 calls in a day that's pretty good, for me. I only talked to one really dumb tech & only 2 or 3 really snotty yuppies. For the most part everyone else was pretty easy to deal with, I think I remembered to say the stupid thing we are required to say at the end of every call now about 1/2 the time ('Have I addressed all of your questions & concerns on this call') just does not roll off my tounge in a matter of fact fashion I'm afraid & now the ad-libbers at my work have forced the management to insist we say it verbatim (every time) But I know ways around it, first of all, for 5 months now, every time I get a quality assesment they listened in between 9 am & 11 am. So I try really hard for the first 2 hours on the phone to do everything right & remember the stupid statement. After that I try, because I know if I don't keep trying I'm never going to be able to incorporate it into my speech as a matter of course. (there are many things I can roll off my tounge without even thinking about it & be doing other stuff on the computer while I'm saying it- 'well, your tv had a snowy screen because the tv needs to be on 3 to get a picture but the tv was on 10, no, I don't know how it got there')I get paid tommmorow & the $$ I'm getting will just cover what it has to cover. (except sneakers for miss 9 who's growing too fast for me to keep up with!
Then it could have been better too
Miss 16's cell phone has yet to arrive, I'm officially pissed at ebay & especially pay pal.
The kids decided they didn't want anything I had in the fridge or freezer for dinner & so made pasta, no sauce, no meat, just pasta & wonder of wonders they decided when I walked in that they were hungry for something more. When asked about her siblings dinners miss 16 just said 'they wanted pasta, they got pasta' & went off to whisper things I don't want to hear into my phone- I need to remember to get that thing disinfected when I get it back on a permanent basis.
I was hoping mandatory overtime, every other saturday would end with last saturday, it does but it's a qualified ending. they're changing it to 1x a month, which is somewhat relived by the fact that they're going to let us choose any of our days off to come in & do 4 hours (they pick the week though, the third one of the month) or we can choose to work 2 hours over 2 nights of that week. It's like they were reading my mind in my diatribe last week. (that'll be me doing 2 hours 2 nights a week, less driving & I can do it on nights when I don't have to come back the next morning)the other bad part of this is this does not have an end date, last time they put us on the once a month cycle we (& I mean all 550 of us) were doing m/o for 19 months. I like to have an end date in sight but I have alot of trouble making myself do the OT I need to do to meet my bills... at least this way I can do it with company.
I didn't break this news to anyone in the house yet, the kids resent the OT highly, though if I do it at night after a regular day they're less likely to even realize I'm doing it- the only problem would be 16 will have to help with homework on that 1 monday night a month.
Worse things have happened (though I'm sure she won't see it that way!)
I also...
Did not hit any deer coming or going today
Did have some training tonight which means off the phone even if it was only 45 minutes
Got the kids homework done with them & them into bed before 10 (no mean feat that- they're insomniacs- or power sleepers- I don't know which but they don't seem to need much sleep at all)
Have not argued with or said anything to hurt miss 16's fragile feelings (yet)- oops- spoke too soon now we're arguing about who's going to change the wash over to the dryer- as I speak- she's got a homing device I tell you.. she can always tell when I think I'm doing ok & then she knocks me right back down!
The store I stop at in the mornings had my favorite morning caffeine boost in the sugar free variety- they've been out for a week- & I'm supposed to be totally restricting my sugar intake now which meant going with out caffeine- if I could just stand the taste of coffee- life would be much easier....
well that's all the good things I can think of right this moment unless I start on things like I haven't had an email from the ex in a few weeks, but I know If I celebrate that too much I'll get mail.
Try to focus on the good not the bad.

Posted by Becky at 10:33 PM EST
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Good Weather, Good kids
Now Playing: Save it for Later by the English Beat
Topic: Rambling on
For some reason people in Virginia don't see today as a great day, it's 55+ degrees out, sunny, not a cloud in the sky & supposed to stay that way (or warmer) for the next 3 days. & the people who come by my house in their cars (with the windows closed) slowed down to stare because I was sitting on my back step in the sun playing with the cat. On a warm lovely day in November I had a lady in a car roll down her window to take me to task for walking the 30 feet from my car to the door of Target with out my coat, as if I was not smart enough to know that tommorow may be cold again. so what? I belive in taking each day as it comes, it's nice today, I'm not going to wear a coat & sweat just because it may be cold tommorow. it's not cold right now & I'm going to make the most of it because it may very well be cold tommorow & then I'll have to wear the coat... Maybe I'm supposed to be distrustful of the beautiful weather because it's the last day of February? so it's not truly spring yet...so what? it feels like it & I'm ready for it (though I will pause here to thank the weather gods for a truly mild & easy winter for my first in the new house, I really needed it because of the difficulties with the heating system. {the difficulty being that I am heating with kerosene} & the kerosene being so expensive $2.59 a gallon & we use aprx.a gallon a night or an evening really, if it's not below 40 I turn the heat off when I go to bed) I am really looking forward to spring, there's a 20 foot row of daffodills already planted here- I saw them on my first visit to this house last year. & the kids & I planted tulips, hyacinth & crocuses etc. along the path to the front door so we'll have lots of lovely flowers to enjoy. & then I can start thinking about having someone till my garden & begin to work some of the good stuff into the dirt to try to make it work better this year(what should really make it work better is that I'll have more time for weeding it this year)
A day with my little ones,I have a guilty pleasure which is sending my 16 year old to be with a friend on a school night, it means I get to focus on 9 & 6 with out the drama of their older sister distracting me. They're always interesting to be around & now with the computer around to give us all a focus we have a lot of fun, of course my plans for the afternoon when they get out of school don't really focus on the computer, we have to go get cheese for the pizza they requested we make together tonight for dinner & check the mail & before any of that happens I have to put gas in the gas tank or we'll end up on the side of the road!

Posted by Becky at 5:17 PM EST
Updated: Tuesday, February 28, 2006 5:47 PM EST
100 things about me
Topic: 100 things about me

59- I love quizes, polls etc. & am always aggravated when they come up with a new political one of local people where my opinions are not reflected in the slightest. I belive they're calling the same people every time, they most certainly are not calling me...

58- I thought I'd love ebay untill I tried it, I know they're trying to protect me from identity theft but when you're trying to buy a cell phone for a 16 year old & it tells you your credit card has to be verified (especially when you've carried the same card for 3 years) & it will take 4 days & the child is in tears & you're about ready to take your cell phone back- well, it's frustrating to say the least.

57- I am almost clinically unable to not read things, if my eye falls on the school calendar suddenly I'm halfway thru the highschool basketball schedule before I know it. At work when I ask my boss a question & have to lean over his cubicle half wall to ask (he's in his 60's & does not hear too well) I find I'm reading (upside down I might add) what he's working on.

56- Sirrius Satellite Radio is a good thing if you like a certain genre of music, if you like a wide variety (& I do) you have to keep changing the channel. Especially frustrating if you're like me & always have, in the back of your mind, that there's probably something better on annother channel. on the subject of Sirrus, (I don't subscribe, a bunch of channels come free with the at120 from dish net) why is it odd to me that someone would subscribe to radio but subscribing & paying for programing from dish net seems perfectly normal?

55- When I drink (on a par with once in a blue moon) I tend to get bad attitudes or I get weepy ( this is why my drinking is very limited)

54- I have no patientice with telemarketers at all.. I take inbound calls myself & realize they have it worse but still... If I tell you politely twice that I'm not interested & you persist the next sound you hear will be a dial tone...

53- I would rather be so busy I can't think straight at work than for it to be slow. The time drags so slowly that in the last 2 days I put in 20 hours & it felt like 40 hours, just from boredom. you can only talk to your co-workers so much! especially if every 5 -7 minutes one of you has to break off to actually take a call. It gets very confusing!

52 My signature perfume is Lutece which most people have never heard of, in order to get it nowadays I have to get it online, which means I know more about my perfume than I ever wanted to- for some reason the perfume retailers seem to think that we need a life history on the perfume. mine was begun in 1984 I chose it in 1985 actually. You see, my friend Jennie wore Lauren by Ralph Lauren all the time when I met her & to this day I still think of her when I smell it. In imitation of (homage to ?) her I wanted a scent that everyone would think of me when they smelled so I went shopping (on my ten speed- to cvs) for a fragrance & Lutece just seemed like the right one, I know both my oldest's father & my ex both liked it on me (although the last 3 years with the ex I didn't have any - or any money to buy any...divorce has it's privleges).

51- I feel it is a waste of time to do only 1 thing at a time, I can not read or be online with out music on, & I actually prefered things when I had the tv in the same room as the computer so I could have a documentary of some kind going on in the background while I am online. When online I have to have at least 3 windows with different stuff running at the same time so I can switch back & forth.

50- As a child I was the same way, if I was sent to watch tv I would always have a book on my lap, or be coloring or building with blocks while viewing the tv program. Later it became crafts or cross stitch while the tv was on. I used to watch a lot of hockey with my ex & cross stitch while it was on, he was surprised at first that I could keep track of the game & stitch at the same time. (to his credit he's one of the few men I know who can do two things at once, I know from reading psychology & language books that it is not normal for men to do so)

Posted by Becky at 12:29 PM EST
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Many thoughts, Little time
Now Playing: Limp Bizkit: Re-arranged
Topic: just letting off steam


I know I shouldn't complain, I know there's people all over the country out of work & worried & I should be happy (or at least thankful) for my good fortune. still though, if it's all the same to everyone (& it isn't) I'd really rather not work mandatory overtime.
*It makes me more tired.
*The reason I work 4 10 hour days is to eliminate the need to drive 27 miles each way for a 5th day, this saves me gas, wear & tear on the car, exaustion & aggravation.
*The frustration is increased by looking out the windows at work (small, up high & hard to see out of) & seeing the sun out & the sky blue & knowing it's beautiful & warm out & tommorow it's going to be no warmer than 35.
*They won't even tell us if this is the last week of m/o or not. it was supposed to be for 2 alternating weeks in January & then at the beginning of February they told us we had to do annother 2 weeks. they're now not commiting to it being over, they're telling us they 'should' know wednesday if we have to do more.
*When I try to explain to people in management that I'm a single parent & my kids have no real, steady adult influence besides me all they ever say is 'oh if you're a single parent you should be here for even MORE over time than you're already pulling'
*I don't get the trash taken out, the laundry done on time, the meals cooked, the errands run or the sleep I need when I work an extra 4 hours a week.
*I have made the offer to work an extra hour a day after work instead of 4 hours on Saturday- well at least 2 out of 4 days a week - & belive me they need me from 8 to 9 pm most nights- But that's just not good enough.
*When I point out to people in management that I drive 40 minutes to work & the same to go home so it is wasteful to come in for 4 hours their response is that I should stay longer to 'make it worth the drive'
*I get a blank stare when I suggest that I have other things I need to do besides work
*Management also is trying to make it a requirement that we recruit- twisting it to fit their need 'if you all recruited people to work here you wouldn't have to do mandatory overtime'
*Annother blank stare recieved when I point out that most people I know either already work there or have been fired because of the companys punitive attendance policies.
*I won't even begin to address the job itself...it's not a lot of fun.
*The #1 reason I hate to work mandatory overtime is that we sat waiting for calls... all day, I had at least 3 minutes between calls & all this week while at work & other poor saps were there on m/o we sat available for even longer, for awhile Friday I waited 32 minutes between calls not just once but 4 times (I timed it)

OK enough complaining. In other news: I have yet to w/b to mrs sc since my initial 2 line note right after I recieved her first email. The more I've thought about it the less I like the feel of the whole thing. it still makes me laugh my head (& other parts) off. But I just see too much potential for mahem involved in my getting deeply involved with my ex husbands wife- or soon to be ex wife- yesterday during all that time waiting for people to lose signal or screw up their tvs & call in with snowy screens I wrote about 8 pages 'to' her. but that (except for a few clear & well known examples of the ex's true nature which I will transpose to an email for her) will go right in my journal. I told a friend at work who is 'sensitive' (shall we say) about the whole thing & with out knowing much more that I'm divorced & he might or might not be overseas the first thing she thought of was that telling mrs sc too much could hurt me later, especially thru the ex.
I don't mean I think it's a predeveloped plot (though I would NOT put it past him- he is very cunning & sneaky in ways most people don't even realize) I just can see she's mad & that she's out for blood (she's a scorpio. So is he for the record- I told him when he first told me about her that if they didn't rip each other to shreds they'd be unstopable) And I know how many chances I gave him in 9+ years. She's just beginning they're barely at 5 years. If they do work their issues out (& her second email told me she'd just recieved a letter from him asking for exactly that) I do not want anything I told her to be used by him or even on his radar screen (which is remarkably wide given his true eyesight)
The kids (9&6 at least) know none of this.They did ask the other day why Dad hadn't been on instant messenger lately (I have 2 theorys, supposedly he's been in Kuwait & was going to Iraq very soon- this is what he told me last time we I/M'd 2 weeks ago yesterday- so he may be in transit & not able to use his pooter for personal stuff. the other is that I gave him the link to my online photo album & it has a bunch of pics of my new house. he is a jealous s.o.b & I know how much seeing what I've acomplished with out him must get under his skin- his usual reaction to being jealous is to avoid & ignore so likely that's why we're not hearing from him)
Mr 6 is absolutley bottomless just what I've seen him eat today: cereal, ramenn noodles, peanut butter & jelly sandwich, peanut butter & jelly right out of the jars, chicken divan, pop tart & an apple.
Miss 9 came back for seconds on the chicken divan & she said 'do you want any more mom?
I said 'yes, please' she came thru the room I'm in & said 'I left you some' when I went to check she'd very generously left me 1 piece of broccoli & 2 cubes of stuffing!
16 reads the blog now so I have to be careful what I write (next mood swing 3 minutes- put your protective headgear on- anyone who's ever had a teenage girl knows what I mean) It's not enough that I have to request visitation with MY cell phone 12 hours in advance with a written notice of who I intend to call & how long I'll be (maybe I exaggerate a little!) now I have this phantom lurking over my shoulder while I'm online moaning: 'Are you almost done? how much longer will you be? don't you think you should take a break? DON'T WRITE THAT!!'
So I cede the computer to the evil 16 year old hormone machine, at least long enough to watch the news & take a shower...

Posted by Becky at 8:37 PM EST
Friday, February 24, 2006
What Goes Around Comes Around
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: in my head: The 59th street Bridge Song, aka Feelin' Groovy
Topic: Family Business
& Why am I feeling groovy???
Well, as allways, I am happy when I'm vindicated & oh man I am so vindicated today.
Last night I got home from work after working an hour of overtime (trying to make up for missing work on 2/12 due to snow.)& was tired, I decided to just check my email, post something I already had typed up & go to bed. Well I don't allways check my junk email but I happened to & surprise surprise there was a little note from mrs'sc'this is my ex husbands current wife! So I checked it out with no little trepidation, for all I knew she could have found out & been mad about our little indiscretion back in 2001 after we'd been seperated for over 6 months. He had told me she knew about it but with him if you divide what he tells you in half & then that half is divided again you're probably close to the truth. which is the same reason when he told me over instant messenger that they were seperated & had been for 6 months already I was a little skeptical. Well her note was amusing to me who has been through hell & high water in the 9+ years my ex & I were together & more hell since he has been gone. It turns out they are seperated. he's in Kuwait she says but this is an emotional seperation not just the physical one imposed by his millitary silliness. And ooohhh is she PISSED!!! It turns out he had fed her a bunch of B.S told her I was a psycho & that he was always faithful to me (she pointed out that she 'finds it hard to believe that he never cheated on you for 10 years and then gets with me and he can't keep his dick in his pants.' With apologies to S because she never saw him coming & I can't fault her- she didn't know anything about him except what he told her- (Though the fact that his own mom barely speaks to him is telling) I have to laugh out loud, every time I think about it I just giggle.. She apologized to me because he told her when they met that we'd been legally seperated for over a year already (try 4 months & 2 months after that & into their relationship he came here & tried to get back together with me - with him in Illinois at the time with her. & I & the kids in VA I guess he figured he could pull it off.- that's the previosly mentioned indiscretion I was worried about her knowing about...lol) I resolved her worries on that since I really didn't care, luckily he didn't have me so snowed after 9+ years of living with him that I couldn't see even after only 6 months with out him that I was a lot better off without him. (Just the steady paycheck that I brought in was better than his work 6 weeks, take 2 months off & go back to work when we were about to starve to death or loose the electricity mode of work) So she asked me a lot of questions on what exactly went on during my marriage & how he acted during it & since then. I only answered a few last of her questions night partly because of being tired partly because after all this time I don't fully trust him enough to belive that he hasn't put her up to this to get me to say unpleasant things about him or get close enough to her to say or do something which he could use against me in trying to take my kids away from me. (don't roll your eyes - I'm not paranoid, the spring before last (2004) he called his whole family individually & tried to get each of them to come to my trailer while I wasn't home & make a list of everything wrong with it, take pics of the falling down ceiling & sagging floors so he could use them to 'prove I was keeping his kids in unsafe living conditions' never mind that he insisted we move there & lived there for 16 months with us before he left me!! never mind that he had not paid a cent of child support in 3 years at that point! Lucky for me his family knows him & has been here watching me go thru all I've been thru & they know the real deal on all of this & told him hell no & within 12 hours I got 4 phone calls from different people in his family letting me know about this attempt on his part to wreak havoc. Anyway, I don't trust him any further than I can throw him & am not entirely convinced that it's not all an elaborate ruse on his part as I said!! So I'm taking it slow... emailing back with a few little things, all in the distant past & other than mentioning how much the kids & I love the new house I bought with my own income last spring barely mentioning the present. I do feel for her, this is not the first time I've been in this position. The girl he left me for whom he left when he went into the Navy came to me a few weeks after he had left upset about his lack of attention & it turned out when we did get letters they were nearly identical. he told me he wanted to work things out & told her he wanted to marry her when he finished bootcamp! I am handling the whole thing a lot better this time, I take it all as an amusing story not anything to get emotional about at all- but I am 'feelin' groovy' just the same!

Posted by Becky at 10:08 PM EST
Updated: Friday, February 24, 2006 10:28 PM EST
Thursday, February 23, 2006
100 things about me
Now Playing: Voodoo by Godsmack
Topic: 100 things about me
69- The Ex would have something to say about the # to the left. I have all kinds of stuff to say about him. I had, (before the computer crashed) the first 40 things on a list of reasons why not to talk to him or consider him a friend. the problem is I've known him 23 years. we were together for 9 & while I know I am 1000 times better off with out him I still miss talking to him & getting his feedback on life in general & now that I'm online & we chat on I/M about 1x a week it all comes back in a bad way...gotta get going on the new list.

68- I consider 68 (the year of my birth) as my lucky #. Most everyone else in my family goes for 13.

67- I sit, at work, between 2 people who are in love, they've been together since we all began working together (october 1, 2005) & I have watched their relationship develop over my head/behind my back thru the past few months...another woman sits beside me on the guy's side & we both commiserate because we're both too otherwise occupied with other stuff to be in relationships currently (she with her elderly parents, me with my kids) I'm not looking forward to their first fight I can tell you that!

66- I used to lug the laundry to the laundromat, spend up to $15. a week- $60 a month to wash & dry it, lug it all back home & fold it all & get it put away before the end of my 2 in a row days off (also have 1 day off by itself in each week) all the time I did that I wished I had a washer & dryer, prayed I'd be able to get one & comforted myself with the only positive I could think of about doing laundry for 4 once a week: at least it's all done at the same time!

65- Now I have a washer & dryer, my electric bill has gone up aprox 30 bucks (still half what I paid at the laundromat) and I am allways doing laundry, I have the kids do their own laundry 1x a week, & I do a few washes each week too... this would be great but it seems on the kids laundry days they have nothing to wash because they've thrown it all in my basket or the family basket (for towels, facecloths, sheets etc.) & there's allways a basket full of laundry waiting for me to fold it. now there's nothing coherent about doing laundry, all my sneakers need bleaching & I'm hard pressed to find anything else white to throw in a bleach wash!

64- I guess it seems I'm never satisfied! really though, I'm of two minds about the whole thing with the laundry. that's something my Ex could never understand- I allways see both sides of everything & I take it for granted that there's allways going to be good & bad to everything. he interpreted that as I could allways find something to bitch about!

63- My Favorite season is everything but winter I hate wearing shoes, boots are worse, I hate spending the $$ for heat. I hate snow (But not enough to move so far south that there is none- I like the change of seasons & VA's shorter winter is almost perfect for me)

62- When I was a teenager I wanted to be a groupie & hitchike around the country seeing rock bands (& the other stuff groupies do with rock bands) my alternate plan was to be a farmers wife.

61- My mother thought I'd make a good scientist.

60- The majority of jobs I have had centered around food & kids, I've baby sat, worked for Dunkin' Donuts, Waitressed & cooked in a Seafood Resturant & other resturants, been a Cashier in a few different stores, retail & grocery, done housekeeping in a nursing home, labeled books & got them ready to go on the shelves in a library, & done the tech support job I have now. the most frustrating was the library job, my list of books I wanted to read & or check out was 4 or 5 pages long! my current job comes in a close second in the frustration dept. imagine telling someone to press the select button & they go up to the tv & push on the screen! (the scariest part for me is, what do THOSE people do for a living?)

Posted by Becky at 10:26 PM EST
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
A Day in my life (not a work day- too boring!)
Now Playing: Audioslave: I am the Highway
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
* Got up ridiculously late (yes, I wanted a good, restful sleep & took a melatonin to achieve that but 1130? when I went to bed at 1am?)
* Text messaged a friend who's in transit this week, taking her altzheimers ridden mother & her fairly hfrail father back to Illinois to stay with the mothers sister.
* Web surfed,
* Wrote in my blog,
* Did 4 washes & dried all the clothes in them (this was of course, during the web surfing)
* Read my book (A Breath of Snow & Ashes) by Diana Gabaldon, the most recent in the Outlander series which I have been reading, nearly with out stop since august or september.
* Hung out with my 6 year old when he got home from school for an hour,
* Went to pick my 9 year old up at 4 after her remediation for reading
* Took the little ones to Town to get medication at the drugstore & milk at the grocery..this also includes many 'don't touch', 'no, you can't have that', 'come back here' & 'if you don't stop that you won't come with me again' comments.
* Mediated 1 hour of online time for 9 & 6 year olds & walked them through a Lemonade stand session & helped them find a Teenage mutant ninja turtles website with games.
* Argued with 16 as to why I didn't leave her my phone & as to just who's phone it is anyway.
* Made a halfway decent dinner (pasta bake) only 1 out of 4 doesn't like that one, I only have about 3 meals everyone likes, fortunatley there's more the 3 of them like that I don't like so that helps a little.
* Folded the aforementioned laundry
* Got assorted children to take care of their laundry (found this morning they just stuffed it in the closet)
* Watched the news, local & national,
* Had annother argument with 16 about why I don't want her with my phone glued to her ear for 2-3 hours at a time (I have a problem with one of the guys she is talking with, he strikes me as running her life due to the way she acts when she's on the phone with him.)
* Helped little ones with their homework.
* Miss 16 does not need help, as a matter of fact, she had to leave school early one time & her algebra teacher gave her a paper for me to sign stating that I had given her no help on the paper she had to take with her & she very scornfully said to the teacher "oh, she can't help me at all- she doesn't know anything about algebra at all.
* Watched '30 days' on fx, the topic was Living off the Grid.
* Went back on line to check out info I was interested in on what I'd seen on tv. the people who went to live off the grid lived so wastefully before that if everyone lived as they do we'd need 12 & 1/2 earths to sustain us all, I checked my own usage out & we'd still need 3 & 1/2 if everyone lived like me. How about you? how big is your global footprint?
* Went back to bed at 1130 pm with 16 still online & ended up reading untill 2am.

Posted by Becky at 3:29 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, April 5, 2006 12:10 PM EDT
More about me
Topic: Rambling on

No really I was the original goth chick, (see Below) when I was a teenager in the 80's, I wore black eyeliner, rock tshirts & ripped up jeans (before they were trendy) I listened to heavy metal & hard rock exclusively & did not smile, I had either long hair down over my eyes or my hair was cut the same 2 inch length all over. I was always tuned into a walkman wether it was fm or tapes (most of mine had both options- & belive me I went thru quite a few of those babys) I had this amusing (to me) suicide poem over my bed, there were few girls like me back then & even fewer who 'got' me. (thanks Chris) I can remember my grandmother bemoaning me quite often 'if you have to wear black shirts would you at least wear a black bra - so your decent white one doesn't turn gray' My mother mostly just ignored my look & focused on my mind - or trying to get me to learn more accurately. I know she despaired of me ever amounting to anything. My father for his part told me to watch the movie Badlands as a warning, I loved it & he predicted that I'd turn out just like Sissy Spacek's character. Honestly I was rather insulted in spite of myself but I could see where he was coming from!
At times, when I had to go to a family party, during the holidays, or when I went to stay with my Uncle & Aunt in Haverhill at a historical landmark I felt like I was doning a costume & getting into a role- the role of sweet teenager who likes puppys, babys & kittys etc- has stuffed animals on her bed & flowers on her sheets... although I was way out of that from 14 onward...If I thought I could have gotten away with it I'd have dyed my sheets black. I had a black light & many rock posters, wall, ceiling door, everything was papered with rock stars & their...uh, socks.
I sent an Xmas card out this year with a fairy on it, I thought it was beautiful, she was in pale teal & holding a red gift wrapped in green ribbon... & my mother told me it didn't look like 'me' I suppose she still sees me at 15,16 etc. I was a little insulted at first that my mother didn't think it represented me. but really, she doesn't see that much of me & I am awfully conflicted about what I like, or it's not that I'M conflicted it's that the things I like are major contrasts, I like old music like Simon & Garfunkle & the Beatles, I like Godsmack & Audioslave & Rem & Pearl Jam, & everything in the range between them (just not country or rap or dance music) & I can play, but seldom listen to classical music. I like Grateful Dead stuff, tie dye & I like Antiques & beautiful things, plus I like having a larger television (27 inches- in 2 more years I'm going to 36- I think) & I have a dolby digital surround sound & know how to use it- but I've been here 9 months & have yet to put up the speakers, they're just grouped on top of my dvr. I like Faires & study Wicca (too much involved in the practice, If I was independently wealthy & didn't have to go to work 40+ hours a week I'd be wiccan.) I love reading historical novels & modern ones, (not too much on Scifi though) I feel funny (have withdrawls my daughter calls it) if I don't watch the news every night but the only network tv shows I care about can be counted on less fingers than the average hand has (Medium, My name is Earl & Ghost Whisper) the first time I read the Lord of the Rings trillogy I was 8 years old & I am constantly surprised at how few other women have read them. If there's not music playing in the back ground there had better be one hell of an interesting conversation going on. I still would not mind going back 150 years & living like my Grandmother's ( & 1 of my) favorite artist/authors Tasha Tudor depicts. But I've hung my clothes on a clothesline in 3 of 4 seasons for 8 years (actually in truth, the first year back here in VA we were poor enough I hung clothes in winter too! & I have not actually gotten around to getting a clothesline put up here at the new house) but I am just like that. I like what I like & belive what I belive & who cares if certain parts conflict with other parts (well, my 16 year old daughter does- but I just tell her it makes for a more faceted personality & to get over it!)

I was the original goth chick!


You're a true goth. You see all the wonders and beauties around you that others seem to be blind to. Don't let anyone get you down, you are truely beautiful.

& you? find out at: http://quizilla.com/
(thanks Chris)

Posted by Becky at 1:50 PM EST
Monday, February 20, 2006
a couple of things bothering me today
Topic: just letting off steam
When setting up my homepage with my new satellite internet provider (Wild blue & it's great by the way) I was chosing options: horoscope, news, etc that I wanted on my site, including weather here in VA & in my adopted hometown of Haverhill MA. a quote of the day & so forth. I noticed they had a 'new word of the day' piece so I added it thinking I'd like to learn some new words & this would be a painless way to do so although I do have a pretty good vocabulary. Well it's been 2 weeks now & they have yet to show up with a word I did not already know! The only thing they're helping me on is pronuciation! (that's because most of the words I know I learned from reading in books & the bigger superlatives don't get a lot of spoken word use so I'm not allways sure how it should sound)
In other news I'm continually shocked at how used I have become to having a cell phone by my side every day in only 10 months it has gone from being novel to being irreplaceable & I miss it every day now. You see: the 16 year old's phone died, it dosen't beep when you plug in the charger & so can not be charged. She had dropped it a few weeks before this happened & broken her front screen which is customer damage & voids the warranty so no new phone with out purchasing one. I work in an industry where I have to discuss warranty & out of warranty daily so I didn't freak out on anyone at the store because I know what that's like. I did however go off on miss 16 who dropped the phone in the first place. The response? 'oh, come on mom, I've dropped the phone a thousand times, it just hit the floor wrong that time' I'm ashamed to say I could not restrain myself from pointing out that my phone, the same 10 months old as hers is in perfect condition & I don't drop it at ALL - that got me a goggle eyed look & a 'so? your phone has a camera, it's a better phone- that's why you haven't broken it yet... can I borrow YOUR phone?' Since then I haven't seen my phone much at all... I'm not one of those lucky people with charge cards that aren't maxed to the limit so I had to put 16's money for a new phone in the bank, write a check to the credit card co & am currently waiting for it to show up on the credit card so we can go on ebay & get her a used phone. (cheapest used phone at the phone store? $149.00) she's counting the days & so am I. on work days I only miss it because I'm so used to having it. on days off I flat out refuse to let her take it to school which gives me some time with it to check bills & usage (sharing 1000 minutes a month with a teenager is an adventure let me tell you - thank god for free nights & weekends & free mobile to mobile usage!!) & actually call someone if I should want to. the worst part is knowing it's going to be at least annother week maybe more before she gets her new phone & I get mine back to myself. My contacts list is full of her friends names, I went thru this morning & added a 'z' to all of them so they're grouped together & I'm waiting untill after 7 when usage is free to find a ring tone for all of her friends so when the phone rings that song I know it's for her. I doubt she will appreciate my efforts on her behalf... I think that's the worst of the whole thing the whole assumption on her part that I have no one to call & if I did, it could wait. HER calls are Important though, Life & Death to hear her talk about it.
You spend the first 12 years protecting them from everything & the next 6, 8, 10 (or more?) trying not to kill them yourself....lol!



Posted by Becky at 12:01 AM EST

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