Of all the things I've lost, I think I miss my mind the most
Now Playing: Not the Doctor by Alanis Morisette
Topic: Self Portrait Tuesday
My Head is elsewhere, that's not unusual, I multi task at work & at home all the time. I routinely plan 2 weeks worth of meals, the next 6 months budget, what I'm getting the kids for their birthdays or Christmas. While verbally walking people through their bills, putting a snowy screen back on a picture or adding programing or set top boxes to their accounts. I constntly help with homework while doing dishes or even taking a bath (Miss 9 only, 16 & 6 would rather die than be in the bathroom with me- especialy during a bath) I can do dishes, read, watch the news & type on the computer while yelling at people about the state of their rooms, the dishes they were supposed to do & the yard. (come to think of it that last one isn't exactly something to brag about) I don't know why I can't keep track of the days this week though, I posted my thirteen for Thursday last night before I went to bed.... I am REALLY losing it!
Part of the problem is I'm not on my regular schedule this week, I had Sunday off & am working all 5 week days this week instead of working Sunday & Monday & then Thursday & Friday only. The other part of my distraction is the reason I'm on a different schedule, it's because I;m learning a new computer program at work. I've been at my Job 5 years this July & I have of course aged by 5 years since I started but I really don't remember having this much trouble learning the original computer programs. Or all the other stuff I had to learn to do my job correctly (& belive me, there's a LOT to it!) I just absorbed it all & went on from there... & it's not like I'm not stretching my mind constantly. Just doing the job is a challenge mentally every day. Plus we have 2 hours of mandatory training every single week so it's not like I'm out of the loop (any loop at all...) This is the hardest thing I've done in about 2 & 1/2 years. (2&1/2 years ago we released like 5 boxes at the same time, all with different specs & functions & to add to it I was sick with the flu & something else for 7 weeks straight & barely knew who I was let alone how to fix those stupid boxes) This time I have no illness, it's just really hard going. Everyone else (17 of us, all learning this together) is struggling too so I'm trying not to take it personally but it seems like 4 days of training is not enough time to really learn a whole new system of work. Yes, that's all we get, 4 days & then they throw us out to the wolves (you read that: customers) to fend for ourselves. Add to that the fact that the person teaching us learned this system last week & has had about 7 hours of practical application & it's just a recipe for disaster. Just as I think I've figured some of it out they throw annother curve at me or there's something else you have to click on to make it work right!

So I took down my Thursday thirteen & will re-post it Wednesday night. Here's my self portrait for the week.... I was checking for gray hairs is the point there... I should have a full head of them by Friday night.

the Lawn wars,
Now Playing: Outshined By Soundgarden
Topic: Rambling on


The yard is too big for us to mow with a push mower, but it's too hilly to comfortably use a drive on lawnmower with. I nearly rolled it down the hill this morning, lost my cell phone out of my pocket & then had to go looking for it in the grass. Lucky for me my daughter texted me at the same time I was looking for the phone & so I was able to follow my ear (I'm deaf in the other & have a lot of trouble telling the direction sound is coming from so I was walking in circles for a few minutes- listening for it & trying to tell where it was at) Then when I went to start the lawnmower it would not start for anything, it kept flooding & I'd have to go sit in the house for 15 min (longer really, because I couldn't go in the house & not mess around on the computer) & then try it again. I finally quit in disgust & Chrissy Mowed the lawn today. She says she likes to do it & that it was no big deal.. More power to her. I can see this is going to be a constant battle for me unless I perhaps drop some weight or something. It's obvious that lawnmower was not made to carry someone as big as I am.
I have always had way too much lawn to mow. the first was growing up, my yard was aproximately 1 acre large, a big back section & 2 large sections on either side of the driveway, at about age 11 I thought it would be a good form of exersize, my dad was one of those go around in squares around & around the yard type of people (my ex told me that this is bad for the lawn it will make it look terrible) & all we had was a push mower, no ride on here - so I figured a bunch of laps around the yard was just what my body needed. My Father disagreed, he felt I was a) too young, b) too uncoordinated & c) he actually liked mowing the lawn & didn't see the need for me to do any of it. Well I made it around the yard two times. both times as I mowed beside the neighbors fence I stepped in dog sh*t & after wiping my blue satin sneakers with the heart imprints on the treads (With rainbow laces yet) I summarily quit. Much to my fathers relief.
Then at 15 when I lived with my Uncle & Aunt I had, as part of my jobs (besided watching their kids 30+ hours a week & cleaning a 12 room house) I was supposed to mow the lawn. (hell, I was happy, I still had a lot of free time & they didn't even ask where I was when I went out on my own when they didn't need me) I have always been car crazy & at 15 with out a learners permit riding the snapper was the closest to driving I could get. it was probably nearly 3 acres all told that I had to mow & the 4 out of 6 months that the lawn was growing while I was there I mowed it all the time. 4 years later when my Uncle & Aunt moved out & my Grandmother & I moved in I was not quite as enthused, I was working 40 hours a week & still expected to mow weekly (my grandmother couldn't do it - she was 79 at the time & had never had a drivers licence,) I did find though that certain, shall we say, herbal smoking things made spending the majority of 1 of my days off on the lawnmower at least a little more enjoyable. I lived there off & on for the next 8 years, my ex & I lived there with my grandmother for a few of those years & we alternated parts of the lawn. often 1 of us would do the close work with a push mower & weed whacker while the other drove the big mower around & alternate weeks as to who did what. The last year we were there though my ex lost interest & basically ignored the whole lawn thing in favor of playing in awful bands (well, 1 was ok the other incarnations sucked) & I was back to doing the whole thing while caring for a 6 year old & an infant. The next fall we moved to Virginia & for the first year, though he did change jobs a lot he did work at least most of the time & I mowed the lawn (because as a stay at home mom I felt it was the least I could do since he was our sole support- such as it was) with an ancient lawnmower he purchased from a all the time yard sale type place for 15 bucks. for some obscure reason he & his best friend painted different parts of the lawnmower different colors & named it #24. (it is telling that ex is a Wallace fan & the friend was an original Earnheart fan. I could never get them to tell me if it was some obscure insult to the lawnmower or what exactly the deal was. It was a colorful lawnmower to say the least & it broke down constantly- which gave me an excuse to do only part of the lawn at a time. At the trailer the ex's & my relations were broken down to such an extent that I basically said 'If you think I'm going to mow a lawn while watching a 9 year old, a 3 year old & an infant you've got annother think coming' & he mowed the lawn grudgingly for the 15 months he lived there with us, the remaining 5 & 1/2 years were a constant struggle, He took the lawnmower with him when he left (he moved to an apartment so I'll never understand why) & I had to borrow neighbors lawnmowers for the next 2 years, then I got myself together enough to by a used lawnmower for $35 bucks I've paid annother neighbor about that much in the last 3 years since then keeping it running & last year with this huge yard I have now I nearly killed that poor lawnmower. I was determined that at tax time I would get a big lawnmower with my earned income credit (hey, being the sole support of 3 kids has it's benifits) & then everything cost more than expected & I didn't do it. so I got a loan against my 401K & bought this one. (after spending too much to look prosperous when my ex was here- but when he looked in the cupboard & the fridge - & he did look- they were chock full of food & that was what was important-)
So now this one seems to be a difficulty, not strong enough for the job & of course it was used so it's not like I can return it or anything- oh well, between 16 & Chris I guess the lawn will get done, even if I'm reduced back to mowing with the push mower & the weed whacker again!

>>> The Class of 2001
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change
things.
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try
to
give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year's incoming freshmen.
1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in
1982.
2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and probably did not
know he
had ever been shot.
3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.
4. Black Monday 1987 is as significant to them as the Great Depression.
5. They were 11 when the Soviet Union broke apart and do not remember the Cold
War.
6. They have never feared a nuclear war.
7. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
8. Tianamen Square means nothing to them.
9. Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
10. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
11. Atari predates them, as do vinyl albums. The expression you sound like a
broken
record means nothing to them.
12. They have never owned a record player.
13. They have likely never played Pac Man and have never heard of Pong.
14. They may have never heard of an 8 track. The Compact Disc was introduced
when they
were 1 year old.
15. As far as they know, stamps have always cost about 33 cents.
16. They have always had an answering machine.
17. Most have never seen a TV set with only 13 channels, nor have they seen a
black-and-white TV.
18. They have always had cable.
19. There has always been VCR's, and VHS but they have no idea what BETA is.
20. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
21. They were born the year that Walkmen were introduced by Sony.
22. Roller-skating has always meant inline for them.
23. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
24. They have no idea when or why Jordache jeans were cool.
25. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
26. They have never seen Larry Bird play.
27. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
28. The Vietnam War is as ancient history to them as WWI, WWII and the Civil
War.
29. They have no idea that Americans were ever held hostage in Iran.
30. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
31. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
32. They never heard: " Where's the beef?"," I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"de plane,
de plane".
33. They do not care who shot J.R. and have no idea who J.R. is.
34. The Titanic was found? They thought we always knew where it was.
35. Michael Jackson has always been white.
36. Kansas, Chicago, Boston, America, and Alabama are places, not groups.
37. McDonalds never came in Styrofoam containers.
38. There has always been MTV.
39. They don't have a clue how to use a manual typewriter.
40. Do you feel old yet? pass this on to the other old fogies in your life.

Why Am I Here?

I was reading annother Local blog which had an entry about people coming
from other areas, thinking this was a good place to settle & on the
considerations they should take under advisement, I remember Chrissy
writing to me when I was planing to move here & bring my boyfriend, who
became my Husband & is now my Ex, with me. & she said you really need to
warn him what it's like, most people don't love it here like we do. I
fell in love in 1987 with this place & never looked back. Everything
thrilled me, From the maximum safe speed signs on the curves to the
taking my own trash in the trunk of the car to the dumpsters. (made more
sense to me than saving my trash up for a week & then debating the do I
take it out at night & run the risk of local dogs getting into it? or
attempt to get up early enough in the morning to get it out before the
trash truck goes by & then I have 2 weeks of trash next time? question) I
have never minded losing electricity in a thunder storm or a snow/ice
storm, I loved it as a kid because it meant everyone in my family would
be together & not watching tvs- or reading, each in their own room.
(though the 2 weeks in February 1994 did give even me pause to
reconsider) I fell in love with the mountains the minute it was light
enough to see them on my first day here back in 1987. I could not get
over how much nicer, easy going & polite everyone was here as opposed to
in my home state of Massachusetts, it was what I'd been looking for my
whole life, I had thought, originally Maine or New Hampshire or Vermont,
But when I went there & visited places I found people to be more laid
back but also kindof unfriendly, introverted & distrustful in the
northern New England states. Here everyone was willing to stop & pass the
time of day & take the time to talk to you. Being naturally or maybe I
should say genetically shy it was an amazing feeling to have people ask
me friendly questions. I, being a history lover was thrilled to find a
pharmacy with a lunch counter, drive up resturants & tiny grocery stores
with 5 or 6 asiles which still gave out green stamps. Just like I had
heard my parents & grandparents reminisce about.
I don't have allergies, (unless you count liars & my ex) though I may be
beginning to develop them.
I, being overweight belive midnight cravings are best ignored or anticipated.
I grew up in a home with a septic system & while we did have a well it
wasn't our actual source of water, it was an old well which I was allowed
to draw water from with a bucket on a clothesline up until I was 12 or 13
& my brother started tying the dog in that general area. then, when I was
15 or 16 they covered the well with a breezeway porch.
I don't mind driving 28 miles to work & back each day, I've read a ton of
really great books on tape that way & I belive it gives me a chance to
de-stress & decompress after my work day so I'm less likely to take my
work-stress out on the people at home.The same drive on a day off to shop
is not a problem for me either. sometimes I just take it philosophically,
If I can't find it in town here then I don't really need it that much.

I found, when I moved down here in 1993for what I thought was my
permanent relocation that there were lots of things I hadn't even known
about in 1987 & '88 that were really wonderful, I was only on the Blue
Ridge Parkway 2 times the first time I came here, the 2nd time I
practically lived there. I had a 3 year old & lived in a 1 bedroom
apartment with her & the space up on the parkway was a much needed relif
valve for both of us. I Don't make friends easily, (though compared to my
mother & grandmother I'm downright gregarious) but both of the first 2
times I was here I forced myself to become more outgoing. I was able to
connect with people I'd met in 87 again in 93 & 94, & Chrissy moved back
down not too long after I came back in 93, in 94 my ex & I got married &
his family ended up moving in with us a few weeks after our marriage.
this has turned out to be a really good thing in the long run because I
still count them as some of my many friends here but at the time the
stress nearly fractured our marriage before it even got started, about 6
months after they moved down we moved back to Mass. We tried to make it
up there, we really did, met a few really great people (you know who you
are!) But even with both of us working full time we did not have enough
money to get out on our own (we were living with my grandmother) after
our first daughter was born my ex wanted to bring her to meet her
grandparents & the rest of his family so we came for a visit, after the
visit we both started yearning to come back here. After yet annother of
his many serial affairs we decided to make a clean break & come back to
Virginia. That was in 1997 & though I've been back 5 out of 9 years for
visits to Mass I don't have any desire to move back there permanently at
all. When I came here I knew for sure I was truly home.

Annother Self Portrait (sort of)
Topic: Self Portrait Tuesday

Famous Bands I've seen Chronological order, first first
Now Playing: Wish you were Here by Incubus
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
1 Preservation Hall Jazz Band too many times to count 2 Iron Maiden & Twisted Sister (1983 Worcester Centrum) 3 Joan Jett & the Blackhearts & David Johansen (1985 Orpheom Boston) 4 The Firm (1985 Worcester) 5 AC/DC (1986 The Boston Garden- I was 16 my brother was 12 & I took him but would not take his best friend who ended up being my ex- he's held a grudge ever since) 6 The Firm again (Providence Rhode Island Civic Center) 7 Max Creek (1991 Living Room Providence RI) 8 Mettalica, Guns & Roses & Faith No More (1992 Sullivan Stadium with the ex, we heard Faith no More but didn't see them because he didn't like them & we had been delayed, -Massachusetts state cops can read lips you know...) 9 The Greatful Dead at RFK stadium Washington DC, 1993. 10 ZZ Top & George Thorogood (1994 Roanoke Civic Center) 11 Tori Amos (may 1996- some college in NH, a mothers day present from the ex, I was 8 months pregnant) 12 Cheap Trick (Fall 1996- free concert in Boston, I didn't actually see them, I had 4 month old baby with me but my then 6 year old & my ex went down to where they were playing & saw them- I could hear them just fine though) 13 Rush ( xmas time 1996 The new Fleet center Best ever because I LOVE Rush) 14 Bon Jovi & Peter Wolf (summer of 1997 great woods, my only concert at great woods) 15 Slaughter (summer/Fall of 1997 (some bar in Nashua or Manchester NH - we saw annother band there that summer too but I can't rememeber who...lol & no, I was not drunk, I was the DD it was our last gasp before moving back to VA & the ex & I tried to see every band we could see.

Summing it all up
Now Playing: Gasoline by Audioslave
Topic: Family Business

All in All it could have been a lot worse, The Ex's visit went off flawlessly, we all went bowling on Tuesday & they aparently left at 3 am Wednesday morning so I got my Wednesday to myself (or to the kids & Chrissy & Samantha - we went bowling too) the downside is my vacation to Massachusetts this summer has to be moved back by 2 weeks, originally it was supposed to be June 28 to July 12, now it's going to be July 11 thru July 26, which the kids are especially upset about, but it's not anything I can change, they only let you borrow 1 paid day off & because I took one for the Ex's visit I have to earn annother day before we can leave, I've tried multiple configurations of borrowed days, swaped days etc. but this is the only one which makes sense, because I work 2 days, have a day off & then work 2 more & have 2 days off, taking 1 day off instead of 2 makes no sense because if I take 1 then I have to work 1 & have 1 or 2 off again.
Things could have been much worse, I definitley felt his attitude a bunch, he was pretty obvious that he thought my house too small & dumpy. I don't much care, I like it & that's all that matters really. I'll be surprised if he does a whole lot better that I. His last comment about the house thing was that they're going to use his vetrans benifits to buy his Mom's doublewide. No offense to my Mother in law (especially since I love her place & think the views from her place are spectacular) I'm still glad I have a house not a doublewide... Also I didn't mention it to him but I know from when I was buying my place that you have to have a down payment of 20% to purchase a manufactured home of any kind which is already in use, it's easier to get your own new one on a piece of property than to buy someone's used doublewide!

68 Questions
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:35

2. Diamonds or pearls? neither, Emeralds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Yeah, right. It might have been What Dreams May Come & I still owe the ex a movie because I told him if he didn't like it I'd treat him to annother movie later to make up for it.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Medium

5. What did you have for breakfast? a soy protein shake

6. What is your middle name? Carleton

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian

8. What food do you dislike? Peanut Butter

9. Favorite chips? No Chips, Barbara's cheese puffs, jalapeno

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Audioslave's first

11. What kind of car do you drive? 2001 Chrysler PT Cruiser

12. What characteristics do you despise? Lying, Cheating, Insincerity & Snottyness

13. Favorite item of clothing? Comfy Nightgowns

14.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? UK

15. What color is your bathroom? Mauve

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Stuff that fits, no brand

17. Where would you retire? Right here where I am

18. Favorite time of day? Evening to Late night

19. Where were you born? Melrose Wakefield Hospital, Melrose Mass

20. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey

22. Person you expect to send this back first? Since it's going on my blog I'd like to get links to anyone who does it.

23. What laundry detergent do you use? Purex= Cheap

24. Coke or Pepsi? Coke, Diet Coke

25. Are you a morning person or night owl? Night Owl

26. What size shoe do you wear? 10

27. Do you have pets? A Cat Who is evil & psychotic

28. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your friends? The Ex is Gone! Bad news: he says he's coming back for Xmas

29. What (who) did you want to be when you were little? A Teacher or a Farmers Wife

30. Favorite Candy Bar? Pepermint Patty

31. What is your favorite childhood memory? Too many to list I remember having a lot of fun out in the woods behind my house though

32. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Dunkin Donuts counter girl, waitress in a seafood resturant, ran fresh fish counter at same seafood resturant, cashier in multiple stores, pizza & grill cook, stitcher in line at clothing factory, inspector of clothes at clothing factory, housekeeper in nursing home, library support staff, tech support/customer service rep inbound calls.

33. What color underwear are you wearing? underwear? yeah, right.

34. Nicknames? Becky, Beckles, Rebecky, Beckala

35. Piercing? Ears only so far

37. Ever been to Africa? Nope but I have hopes

38. Ever been toilet papering? No, But I'm closely related to someone who has!

39. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes

40. Been in a car accident? Yes

41. Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons

42. Favorite day of the week? Any Day I don't work (Saturday, Tuesday & Wednesday)

41. Favorite restaurant? Kabukis or El Grande Rodeo (or in New England: Markeys, Themis, Aris)

44. Favorite flower? Most but especially Peonys, Irises, Daffodils,

45. Favorite ice cream? New york fudge brownie. by Ben & Jerrys

46. Disney or Warner Brothers? to watch, warner brothers, never been to either theme park though so I couldn't say

47. Favorite fast food restaurant? Pretty sick of all of them

48. What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige

49. How many times did you fail your driver's test? once because the guy was a sexist pig & told me women shouldn't trouble themselves with stick shift cars! (that's all my parents had so I didn't have much choice)

50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? This was not an email, but my last email was from My Mother

Where are questions 51 & 52???

53. Bedtime? 1130 on work nights, 1 or 2 am on nights I don't have to get up early after

54.Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? I couldn't say

55. Last person you went to dinner with? Chrissy & Samantha & my kids

56. Ford or Chevy? Ford

57. What are you listening to right now? My kids playing some odd Polly Pocket/Spiderman legos fusion game. (not as weird as the Thomas the Tank Engine/Barbie one though, let me tell you...)

58. What is your favorite color? Teal, aquamarine, & most shades of green & blue

59. Lake, Ocean, River? To Swim in? what are we looking for here? I like them all.

60. How many tattoos do you have? 3. all hand done by me.

61. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? A little birdie told me dinosaurs had eggs before chickens

63. Favorite Cocktail? Blue Motorcycle

64. Where would you go for a girl's weekend get-a-way? Have no idea

65. What would you do if you had to select another career? Pick something less stressful...ha ha.

66. Republican or Democrat? Democrat/independent

67. Favorite Family Vacation? Massachusetts in the summer

68. All Time Favorite Concert? HMMM it would have to be Rush at the Fleet Center in 1996 (or maybe that was 95? the ex couldn't remember what year it was either so I don't feel so bad)

A Status Report on the Only Thing On My Mind Currently
Now Playing: Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds
Topic: Family Business
Yeah, he's here, so is Chrissie, She's been a great support, though it really has not been too bad yet. They spent yesterday, Easter, with his Brother's family & their Dad, his wife & their son. The worst part was on my way to the house after a 10 hour work day I saw the car with the WI liscence plates rolling towards me on the road & it kept going, it was dark & I could not see who or how many people were in the car, I immediately remembered all the times I have heard him say, 'well fine, I'll just take the kids to WI & the WI laws will apply & I'll have custody' I almost turned around & followed the car but I called my Brother in law & acted like I was just letting him know I was on my way & he immediately told me the Ex & miss9 had just taken a run to the store but mr6 & his 5 year old son were playing together as we spoke. I felt very relieved & my hands had almost stopped shaking by the time I arrived at the house, I hung out & waited for them to come back from the store, made plans for mr6 to go with his uncle & cousin fishing in a few weeks on a sunday- which I'm sure he'll love.
The Ex is as usual morose & bitter & grouchy. Even when he's trying to be caring towards the kids it comes out as commands & threats.
No major confrontations last night, we behaved ourselves. Today was also non eventful in the arguing, cutting remarks & rude asides categories too, though I definitley got the feeling he was inspeecting my house for dirt, grime & unsafe things (the ladder stairs to the girl's bedrooms were inspected at length to the point where I offered to have him build some steps there if he'd like since he'd be cheaper than a handyman. He declined) We actually had a pretty good time because his new wife has been through the wringer with him lately & so we kind of ganged up on him & teased him a little.
The ETD (estimated time of departure) was supposed to be Tuesday, now it's being moved around & may be Wednesday or Thursday, I'm not too pleased about that let me tell you!

Thirteen Reasons to Stay Away from my EX
Topic: Thursday Thirteen
1 he's a liar
2 he's not writing or emailing to the kids regularly- out of sight out of mind
3 Shannon, Tracy, Teresa & all the others he was cheating on me with while telling me I was out of my mind to think he would ever cheat.
4 he's having problems with his current wife &, I've heard from her that he's cheated on her too
5 he tries to gather information on me & how I'm raising the kids in order to use it against me
6 he judges how I'm raising the kids because he thinks I should be sterner, meaner & have more control over them.
7 I've only met 1 person in my whole life who was a better chameleon than him.
8 He didn't pay a cent of child support for 4 years & still expects me to praise him now that the government is forcing him to do so by taking it away from him.
9. he's a bully.
10. he's an alcoholic.
11. he had a bad childhood & still uses it as an excuse at 32.
12. he knows he had a bad childhood & would rather use it to explain/excuse what he does wrong rather than rising above it & overcoming his knee jerk responses.
13. he has no conscience whatsoever.
And yet, There's not a thing I can do to keep him from coming here...

Still Stuck on the Same page...
Now Playing: Passive by A Perfect Circle
Topic: Family Business
The computer came home (finally) on monday evening, I pretended to my ex & a few other people that I didn't hook it right up monday when I got home but I did. I've been catching up since then. The ex had left an email on 4/7 saying he was coming the 12th. I hadn't heard from him since, there was only the 1 email on the 7th & nothing else either way. So thinking it was because he was in transit I went into panic mode & cleaned the house, changed my schedule at work, I had hounded my boss through sunday & monday to get me the 17th off. Then when I got the email from the ex that he was coming early I called work to change that & was told I had to come in & do it in person & thursday, the next day I work, wasn't enough notice to do so. I went in there & ended up face to face with the Director of the place who approved my day off with out a pause, originally he was going to set up for me to have both friday & monday, but I said no, friday should do it...
Open mouth, insert foot. Now this morning I get up & there's an email from the ex saying oh, change of plans I'm getting home the 14th, we'll be there the 16th!!
I'm going to let my boss sort it out with the Director tommorow when we're back to work.
Let me just state for the record that I wish my ex would either drop out of my kids lives altogether (no big loss considering how seldom he calls or writes or sees them:2002, 2004 & 2006-if he shows up) Or would move back to this state & file for visitation so we're on a regular schedule where I can say to the kids, ok, Dads going to be here to get you Tuesday, Thursday & next weekend etc.
The thing that really upsets me is the knowledge that he may have been messing with me just to mess with me...No one else in the family had heard of any changes in his schedule but me. Which made me wonder about it at the time, but my work is so psychotic about days off & having to request them in advance & all, that I went & changed my day off.
There are bright sides to the whole thing though, my drive to work at 530 last night with all 3 kids was a pretty drive with the sun in a different position from where it is on my way to work in the morning. Then after my business was taken care of we went to dinner at a mexican resturant which I really love. & then we went & got a push broom & some other odds & ends, wasp spray especially. At the big chain hardware store with the blue sign.
Then on the way home everone (but me) thought we needed desert, since my car needed oil though I stopped at a store & got everyone ice cream treats & a good time was had by all on a night that would otherwise have included homework, showers & negotiating online time for 4 people 2 of whom only want to play games & should be doing their homework.
It really was a nice night, the sort of impromtu thing we used to do a lot of before I bought the house & had more money because when I was in the trailer I paid $150. a month lot rent & once I got up over 10 bucks an hour there was plenty of money for most stuff...

Becky's vanity plate:

MAKMLAF

'What will your vanity plate say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Thirteen things about my childhood
Topic: Thursday Thirteen


1. I have 2 cousins with in a year of my age who were my first friends, from birth forward, I'm friends still with 1 of them. the other is too annoying!
2. I grew up from age 2 forward in the same house with my parents & my mothers parents, My Grandparents had their own living room & bedroom suite.
3. I was homeschooled
4. before that I went to 2 free schools, 1 is now defunct, the other is still a model for free schools the world over called: Sudbury Valley School

5. I had only 1 sibling, my brother, he killed himself in 1989 at age 16
6. I was pretty spoiled as a young child & even when older, though I didn't think I was spoiled I know now my parents were pretty open handed & easy going (at least on rules & letting me do what I wanted- watching tv, staying up to 4 am reading or watching tv etv...)
7. though I was spoiled etc in some ways in others I was smothered & put down, I was naturally loud, exuberant etc. & though that sometimes pops through still. I smother myself with worry about being too loud, sounding too crazy, being too wild... all of which I know are tapes I heard every day as a kid from my mother...
8. I read a ton from a very early age (3) & at my height 10-15 years of age I could read a book (a thick one like a stephen king book in a day & a half.
9. I Loved history from an early age too...old things, knowing that someone was there before, the house I grew up in had been in my mothers' fathers' family since it was built & that had a lot to do with it.
10. I was very precocious too.
11. I took swimming lessons every year but didn't ever get my lifesaving because I finished at 13 & you had to be 15 to take the lifesaving test, by the time I was 15 I was off doing other things.(drinking, hanging out. You know, Important things!!)
12 we heated with wood in our kitchen & my brother & I helped cut & haul wood every fall...I thought this was fun then. In 1997 & 1998 my ex & I rented a house with only a wood stove for heat & I found there's not a damn fun thing about it at all (& it's so dirty too)
13. I kept a diary from age 11 onwards but my writing was so messy even I can't make out more than half of the words in any of them (I have like 20 of them)

Facing my addiction
Now Playing: The Sweetest Thing by U2
Topic: Rambling on
So this is floating in cyberspace to be posted on day 1 of my exile from my computer, it hasn't worked right in weeks, when we're on instant messenger - doesn't matter which one- we look like we're off. I can't change my desktop from a blank screen, though I can change the color of the screen. that stays. (& I can change the administrator settings, just not my own. & I don't know how to move things between my settings & the administrator because If I could conveniently move a lot of this stuff to there where only I know the password I would move them & leave these settings to the kids...) Anyway, the computer's funky & a coworker who fixes computers in his spare time has offered to try to fix it pro bono. But he doesn't want to drive all the way to my house so I've got to bring it to work & he's going to try to have it back in a day (we have different days off) 3 at the most...due to our schedules it's either 1 or 3. I hope he can do something with it we've never had audio thru the computer & I don't even know where to look to know if I have an audio card... As Important as music is to me you'd think it would have been my first concern.
Because I didn't have a computer untill just last year (thanks J) I didn't really get to do any downloading in the illegal sense back when it was legal. So I didn't get addicted. When friends did show me how they did this all I could think was this has 'got' to be illegal!
I'm sure I'll miss having the computer for 2 or 3 days, but I'm sure I'll get a lot done. hell, as I type this I'm typing it on word pad because my satellite internet is down. This is the first time ever that there's been a problem & I'll be at 2 months tommorow (the tommorow on the day you're reading this, not the true tommorow as I'm writing it!) I was a little worried it was my end but I rebooted, reset the modem & all the modem lights are flashing as if they were ok. Then after an hour (I'm patient about technical stuff, I work in tech support after all) I tried to call & got an all circuts are busy message & then I got thru to the phone tree, but when I selected Technical support I got a busy signal & I have never had a problem reaching them before (before I got installed they sent me a cd rom of virus protection but the sent the wrong one, it was a training cd rom for installers (!) so I have called them before & it took 5 minutes to get thru. So I know it's got to be on their end.) So on to the laundry I need to fold. & then over the weekend if it's not rainy we're supposed to hike, if it is rainy we'll probably do craft stuff 'cause I have a bunch of projects I'm itching to do but haven't had time for since we got online because, of course, this is more interesting than painting a welcome sign for beside my front door (even if I finish it I won't hang it untill after my ex has come & gone- Don't want him to think he's welcome!)

(& annother thing, would you belive he's online on yahoo instant messenger & beside his name it says "busy fighting a war be back soon" what a crock.)

Too Funny
Now Playing: Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads
ok I usualy don't just post random links but I was reading someone else's blog & this was just too funny to pass up, yes, it's a shameless promotion for a prescription drug but it's really cute & just: TOO Funny