Home again
Now Playing: Can't find My way Home by Blind Faith
Topic: Rambling on

{{{{The Birthday girl
It's always fun to roll up on my house when the kids don't expect me home. on a normal day they have a good idea of when I'll show up & they always strive (or miss 16 & miss 10 do anyway) to make it look as if they've been cleaning up all day. But I know better & days like this when I come home sick (or like last year when they were sending us home an hour or 2 early every few days) are always amusing. They come to the door & windows & stare at me like I'm some interloper & then go running around like crazy trying to pick up everything - today they sent their brother out to the car to stall me. this didn't work because it was 4:15 pm & he was schlepping around in his sisters outgrown long sleeved shirt & a pair of pajama pants with a big hole in a very inconvenient spot! we had a 3 minute discussion about exactly why he was wearing what he was wearing (I have never known anyone with more shrugs to his name, he has a shrug for every occasion & they all say something different to me!- this one said 'It seemed like a good idea at the time' as near as I could make out)
& off to the house we went, people were running around frantically behind the door, throwing dirty laundry here there & everywhere, dishes were being rushed from the coffee table in the living room & the dining room table to the sink, alas there they still sit, once busted, 16 seems to think she's done & is absolved of all responsibillity for everything which did not get done. At dinner time miss 10 came to me to ask what was for dinner & I told her to go check with the person in charge. (I was lying down, trying to rest my voice & throat at the time- fat chance in this house!) Miss 16 was very offended at this comment, I got the standard "Mom, you're here, I'm not in charge" screech when her sister told her dinner was on her tonight. "just pretend I'm not here" I told her which she responded to by growling in that charming way 16 year olds can.
Dinner got made though, I'm bowing out of it because somehow either the juciyness in my lungs is working it's way down or I've caught some other sort of nasty bug & my stomach is terribly unsettled this evening.
There are nice things about being home though, the not working part is nice right now especially since work is an exersize in frustration (we released info on our website which is misleading & I spent the majority of the 5 & 1/2 hours I did work verbally sparring with people who think because they watch tv shows with lawyers on them that they're every bit as good as those tv lawyers) We'll see how the missing work feels when the paycheck comes in though, that's not always so great. Also it's nice to relax with the kids (not 16, she's got friends over, school ended 6/1 & she's making the most of it- 'I'll never be 16 again, you know mom!' yes, we can hope not anyway) Especially since today is the day miss 10 became miss 10 rather than miss 9. Party to follow on my next real day off- Tuesday. It's all about her today, she got to sit on the couch, pet the dog first & tell me all about the cartoons they watched this morning.
In other news we replaced 16's cell phone again, you'd think we'd learn, buy from ebay once & have a bad experience, don't do it again. But no, she was shopping & found 'the phone' (cue: choir of angels)so I put it on the beleagured credit card & 7 days later (2-3 day shipping my eye) it appeared, then the nice people on the phone from the cell phone company said that it wasn't theirs. So I had to take it to their office & they were able to activate it but now it says it's roaming every time she tries to use it to call out. very interesting, if it's not the correct companys phone that roaming thing is exactly the sort of thing the phone would do. I do not have the patientice to talk to their technical support people tonight though, after all, that's what I left work to escape, stupid people trying to troubleshoot themselves & messing things up worse than they were before they started! At least I know enough to admit that I know nothing when it comes to cell phones & leave it alone since I'm not feeling up to it right now!

I'm a million different people from one day to the next...
Now Playing: Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve
Topic: Rambling on


It's not funny how conflicted I can be with just general life...
On the one hand I hate learning this new computer system at work, it's cumbersome & agravating, because we're alpha testers theres glitches, bugs & stuff you just can't do.
On the other hand I'm flattered that they think so highly of us in my group that they put us on this - after all everyone will have to use it eventually, I'm just one of about 50 that are learning it early & making suggestions to the improvement of it.
I'm conflicted over what I'm going to do on my next two days off, I need to go get flats to get my vegetable garden under way. this is also my last two days off without the kids & I'd like to enjoy the peace & quiet while I have it. I'm conflicted over that too though, I feel guilty for savoring the peace so much I do love having the kids around - it's just a different feeling around the house & I can't spend as much time here in front of the computer!
It will be nice though, to be able to pick up & go out when I want to, just get the kids in the car & go, we'll be spending a bunch of time up on the parkway, hiking & picnicing. I hope to spend a lot of time around the house, in the garden, painting the rooms, rearranging & generaly getting more settled in the house (It was a year may 26 & it STILL doesn't seem real...I have to keep reminding myself on my way home from work where I'm going)
I'm conflicted about my weight & health problems, I'm craving chocolate almost constantly & I'm not supposed to be eating sugar, I do pretty well on work days about not eating it but when I'm home I have a lot of trouble restraining myself. Add to that the fact that because of my mother's & grandmothers history of high blood pressure, heart disease etc. I shouldn't be eating salt & fat either. That leaves very little, vegetables & fruits, lean meat like chicken & fish. That's about it & all that stuff unless you're talking about canned or frozen is expensive & I can't afford to feed everyone that stuff so I don't eat, just get frozen dinners for work & cheat my way through my days off.
I'm conflicted about the kids, I want them to be free & have their own opinions & be self sufficient but I can't not yell when their independent decisions don't include cleaning their rooms or bringing dirty laundry downstairs (& then being mad at me that they don't have any clean shorts on a hot day! I'd wash them if they were down here!) or the decision to watch tv all day is made & I refuse to allow it & make them go outside. (I'm sorry but I was constantly sent outside when I was a kid & I think having the option to explore the yard & later the woods behind my house made me a better, more attuned with nature person)
I am also conflicted about the money thing, I like making decent money & I'm thrilled that I've got a house to show for it & a decent car. But I dislike the work I do, I find it harder & harder to support the company line & I hate the verbal abuse heaped upon me by customers who feel like they've been done wrong. But then I credit my job -which wouldn't pay as much as it does if it wasn't as big a pain in the butt as it is- with all my success, I would not be where I am now with what I have now if I was still working 35 hours a week at the nursing home for $5.40 an hour (I'd probably be thinner though!)

Annother day in ConsumerLand
Now Playing: Hate Me By Blue October
Topic: Rambling on

I have never been able to just get what I needed. All my life from childhood on has been a struggle, it cost for shoes, it cost for coats, my parents would worry about how clothes, shoes etc would get paid for, often my grandmother bailed them out (she's done the same for me more often than I like to think of) Or, worse, we got hand me downs from people at my parents jobs, church etc. I hated that at the time but some of my favorite clothes at 8,9,10, were hand me downs, I just had to have them long enough to feel like they were mine instead of someone else's discards.
All the time my ex & I were together there was never enough money. It was a constant battle to keep everyone fed, clothed & a roof over our heads, he didn't work a lot of the time- he'd get a job, keep it for 6-10 weeks & quit or get fired for not showing up. I didn't work a lot of that time then too... But I had little kids at home, it was cheaper for me to stay at home with them than pay a babysitter, he wouldn't watch them, if I worked the kids were babysat. That was all there was to that. the ex could not/would not watch the kids while I worked for more than 2 days in a row. I don't know why he couldn't take it but he couldn't & so we were almost never a 2 income family. This meant that we were constantly broke. It did not help matters that we brought out the worst in each other in terms of money & spending. One of us would say: 'Man, I wish we could just go out to dinner tonight' & the other would say: 'well, we do have that money for the electric bill...' & off we'd go, we supported in each other the worst, most spendthrift behavior you can imagine! In that way we're much better off seperate. He still doesn't do much better at making ends meet to this day
The best thing about my job is that it pays enough. Enough that we have what we need & a few luxuries to boot... I've had to watch what I spend though, & I do love to spend unfortunately. As I said, my Grandmother has bailed me out & helped with the extras like shoes when people outgrow them too soon & she always has helped me with school supplies each August. For the most part though I manage - I do get a little from the ex each month now that he's in the service (allegedly- still don't belive it) & that little helps, but I know better than to count on it, if & when he leaves the service I doubt I'll continue to recieve any money, he's not too good at keeping up with things like that & he's also known to resent paying it, he feels because I was at home with the kids when they were babies & under 4 while he was working. That I 'owe' him & he shouldn't have to pay support. So I know that there is likely going to be a time when that $225. doesn't come in anymore & I hope to have the money thing going even better than it is now by then. Either that or I'll have to do more overtime at work than they're already forcing on us, (up to 4 hours mandatory every week & they're so desperate that they're paying double time for overtime over the mandatory 4!- I haven't done any of that but I might this week- because of the holiday weekend we have less hours available to do the overtime on -Sunday & Monday are closed up for available hours to work- So I'll have to go in on one of my days off to make the time up & if I'm going to be there for 3 hours I might as well be there for 4! especially considering it's a 40 minute drive each way.)
The point here was that I've finaly applied for & recieved a credit card. (a real one, not the secured type for like 300 bucks.) I belive that's the difference between the poor & the not so poor, everyone nowadays lives paycheck to paycheck I belive, but credit cards just make it easier. When someone needs something you can get it. I've been in the situation where we've gone out, got groceries for 2 weeks, had a meal out, like Burger King or something & then got home & someone's broken their shoe or spilled something uncleanable on their coat. There's no extra money in the bank, just enough for gas for me to go to work & back every day for the 2 weeks until the next paycheck & to buy milk & bread. There's no help for it but for the kid to deal with it with the credit card I could go get the shoes, or worse yet, the car breaks down, in the past that's always meant tearful phone calls home & money wired to me from my mother or grandmother who can't afford it any more than I can but at least have credit cards so they can help. Now I won't have to ask them for help, I'll be able to put a repair on the credit card. I'm still mulling over the whole pay all your bills with the credit card though, the commercials make it seem so easy, pay all your bills through auto pay with the credit card & then just pay the credit card bill each month - That way you don't have to think about it. But of course there's interest, you're paying more to pay your bills because of the interest rate on the credit card (a pretty good one on this card I have to say, at least 'til the end of the year)Someone pointed out though, that if you're paying the money you'd have paid the bills with, to the credit card company then you're paying over the minimum balance & thus would not be getting too bad of an interest rate or getting too behind on your debt. Of course if you're paying over the minimum payment routinely they're likely to increase your limit too!
Then of course I hear my father's voice on credit cards, how they're a slipery slope & you'll end up in debt to your eyeballs & be unable to pay it off. I also have had friends who did get into trouble, both my closest cousin & a former friend ended up in enough trouble with credit card debt that they had to have their money doled out to them & the payments for the cards automatically taken from their paychecks. There's never a decision in adulthood that's all good.. there's always too many pros & cons to everything!

Books on Tape
Now Playing: Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve
Topic: Rambling on

Listening to a book on tape makes me a lot more thoughtful, I truly belive listening to the story rather than reading it stilmulates different sections of your brain. I don't like it BETTER than reading but I do like it a lot. I never thought I would, but a year into working where I work now, with a 50 minute drive each way I had to do something to alleviate the boredom, I don't always have a book on tape going, -only about 4-5 a year. I love music & listen to it most of the time,- just occasionaly I ge bored with music though,- just occasionaly- & books on tape are great. I'll read things on tape I'd never have read by sitting down & listening. The only Larry Mcmurtree book I've ever finished was via a book on tape. currently I'm reading Oryx & Crayke but Margaret Atwood. I'm not a huge Atwood fan, Lady Oracle & The Handmaids Tale are the only books by her I've read all the way through (I'm not one of those obsessive people who once they start a book have to finish it, when I feel like it's not working I give up) The book is a doomsday-future book Depressing but Compelling & I've taken to sitting in the car at work & at home to finish parts of the book before going into work or into the house at night. (The true sign of a good book on tape for me!) I have a love hate relationship with futuristic novels, I like/love them because I was raised with a 'day after/threads' mentality. The idea that society will collapse in my lifetime. The breakdown will not neccesarily be BECAUSE of a nuclear war, (Steven Kings Superflu scenario in the Stand or even his more recent Cell Idea are perfectly plausible to me too. Especially in light of the Bird flu possibilites currently confronting the world) I hate these books for the same reason, because I am a mother & I don't want my kids to inherit a world like the ones portrayed in these stories.
The book is all about genetic & biologic splicing, a future where they splice pigs & baboons to make artificial organs for people, it's a vision of a distant gloomy future, even the childhood memories of the main character recall a world we don't quite live in currently. Though it did give me a chill watching the news the other night where they were talking about alligators in Florida biting people (Killed 3 this last week) the chilling part for me was the mentioned the reason for the alligator activity is that the Everglades are in a drought & they're looking for water, the Everglades being in a drought was in the book though they eventually burned in the book... I'm halfway through currently & don't want it to end. I have way too many unanswered questions still & I don't think 3 cds are going to cover it!
The force of the story seems to be altered hearing someone else tell the story, I think they affect you differently, I can say this with some authority because I have listened to books by authors I have read (Margaret Atwood, Steven King) & the books on tape/cd seem to stay with me longer. They are more likely to haunt my imagination & take me out of myself. I think though, that if I worked 15 minutes from home I would never have listened to them, it takes some distance driving to really appreciate them. Going up to Mass for vacations 2 out of 5 years I have had a book on tape to listen to. The first was one of my favorite books as a young teenager, set in the 1500s & 16 (then 12) didn't like it but miss 9 (then 5) did, we started listening to it on the way up to Mass at 11 or so at night & when I realized 16 had fallen asleep I went to turn it off & this little voice piped up from the back seat 'hey, I was listening to that!' I had to convince her that we'd listen more when her sister was awake. then 2 years ago when we went up we all listened to The Hobbit, I did'nt know it when I rented it from the library but it was not a regular reading it was acted out with different people doing different voices, that actually worked out better because they all were able to listen to it, even mr 6 who was then 4 going on 5, he was the most impressed & recently asked me what we were going to listen to on the way to Mass this summer, I don't quite know though, the things that would thrill the girls are not likely to hold mr 6's attention & vice versa, I've been thinking about trying the Lord of the Rings- we could do 1 book a year- but I'm afraid we couldn't finish it in the trip. We had to listen to the last tape of the Hobbit at home due to length. We shall see though, I still have nearly 7 weeks to decide after all!

Lost in the Garden
Now Playing: Champagne Supernova By Oasis
Topic: Rambling on
I am missing my camera phone SO much right now! It stopped responding when I plugged in the charger & had to be repaired, I Hate the temporary (if you can call 8-10 weeks projected a temporary thing!) replacement phone, there's no camera on it, the ring tones are atrocious & it's bigger than my phone, to add insult to injury the young punk who swaped the phones told me that he had removed my picture messaging service (why be charged when you can't use it?) & activated everything that my old phone had, on this phone. When I went to add a ring tone that I can stand to the phone I couldn't do it so I had to call their technical support (I work tech support & so I know what it's like to try to make a stubborn piece of plastic, metal & silicon chips work right with a bumbling idiot following your commands over the phone) so I am easy on tech support people, I'm also easy on anyone in a call center environment (that doesn't extend to actually listening to telemarketers- but I am polite as I tell them 'no thank you' & hang up the phone) The woman I got when I called about my phone was obviously fairly new at her job, she put me on hold about 10 times (I am not exagerating) but she got the phone working, I had to program it to accept that I had the service that allows you to get ringtones & games etc. & then, because I know how things go with this type of issue I had her check & sure enough the punk I dealt with in person did not take off my picture messaging- she removed it but did not apologize, at my work I have to apologize for the oversights of others every day!
The reason for the diatribe on the phone is that I would really like to have pictures of my progress in the garden, the guy who dug it up last Saturday came back on Thursday evening (Unexpectedly- I didn't expect him 'till this Saturday- good thing I didn't spend the money I owed him!) & finished the job of tilling it into smooth dirt. So yesterday evening we were a picture of domestic bliss, Chrissie riding the lawnmower around, me making raised beds in my garden, the kids moving logs & sticks out of Chrissies way & helping me pick rocks, sticks & weeds out of my raised beds, I'm not exactly as healthy as I should be & so I got 2 beds ready to go, probably, judging by the size of the garden, (the guy expanded it a little on 3 sides) annother 8-10 beds to rake up & clean out, I figure if I do a couple a day on my days off I should be ready to plant by the end of the month... (I would feel worse about this if it wasn't for the fact that the news said last night that we're going to be in the 30's overnight 2 or 3 more nights in the next seven days & I hate losing things to the cold, I'd rather leave it alone until it's warmer-) I looove having a vegetable garden! I can't think of anything more magical than having actual food that I grew & can just walk out my back door & go choose! Mr 6 is the most enthused about the whole thing (not too surprising, he's bottomless & especially loves tomatoes & cucumbers) but the girls have helped off & on & are expeceted to help some more this afternoon (if it ever gets warm out there- annother cool one, I understand the need for spring before summer but is it EVER going to get warm?) We'll be putting the half fence up this afternoon & I'll have to decide what I'm doing about the green bean climbing apparatus, I've heard that poles with strings stretched between them works better than just poles. That would require string, which I don't have at home & I'm broke for the moment so if I decied to do that it will have to wait until after my next payday!
I had had ideas of taking pictures of the progress of the garden & putting them on my picture site, so I'd have a record of it & could look back over time & see how much better it looks when the veggies are actually coming in...& of course I thought that might help to motivate me to weed it a little more this year, last year it was a mass of weeds & I think that's why my squashes, watermellons & pumpkins would get to be about 2 inches in circumfrence & then turn black! it was either that or the kids overzealously using the plant food on the garden I haven't figured out which it was.
Anything is better than the previous 6 years in the trailer with no space for a garden at all & I am really glad I have the option now. I hated not having one after 3 years with one in our rental places with the ex.
I set myself an hour online & the alarm I set just went off so I'm going to the garden now- gray clouds or no gray clouds. pic of the lawnmower since I have none of the garden currently!:

the Lawn wars,
Now Playing: Outshined By Soundgarden
Topic: Rambling on


The yard is too big for us to mow with a push mower, but it's too hilly to comfortably use a drive on lawnmower with. I nearly rolled it down the hill this morning, lost my cell phone out of my pocket & then had to go looking for it in the grass. Lucky for me my daughter texted me at the same time I was looking for the phone & so I was able to follow my ear (I'm deaf in the other & have a lot of trouble telling the direction sound is coming from so I was walking in circles for a few minutes- listening for it & trying to tell where it was at) Then when I went to start the lawnmower it would not start for anything, it kept flooding & I'd have to go sit in the house for 15 min (longer really, because I couldn't go in the house & not mess around on the computer) & then try it again. I finally quit in disgust & Chrissy Mowed the lawn today. She says she likes to do it & that it was no big deal.. More power to her. I can see this is going to be a constant battle for me unless I perhaps drop some weight or something. It's obvious that lawnmower was not made to carry someone as big as I am.
I have always had way too much lawn to mow. the first was growing up, my yard was aproximately 1 acre large, a big back section & 2 large sections on either side of the driveway, at about age 11 I thought it would be a good form of exersize, my dad was one of those go around in squares around & around the yard type of people (my ex told me that this is bad for the lawn it will make it look terrible) & all we had was a push mower, no ride on here - so I figured a bunch of laps around the yard was just what my body needed. My Father disagreed, he felt I was a) too young, b) too uncoordinated & c) he actually liked mowing the lawn & didn't see the need for me to do any of it. Well I made it around the yard two times. both times as I mowed beside the neighbors fence I stepped in dog sh*t & after wiping my blue satin sneakers with the heart imprints on the treads (With rainbow laces yet) I summarily quit. Much to my fathers relief.
Then at 15 when I lived with my Uncle & Aunt I had, as part of my jobs (besided watching their kids 30+ hours a week & cleaning a 12 room house) I was supposed to mow the lawn. (hell, I was happy, I still had a lot of free time & they didn't even ask where I was when I went out on my own when they didn't need me) I have always been car crazy & at 15 with out a learners permit riding the snapper was the closest to driving I could get. it was probably nearly 3 acres all told that I had to mow & the 4 out of 6 months that the lawn was growing while I was there I mowed it all the time. 4 years later when my Uncle & Aunt moved out & my Grandmother & I moved in I was not quite as enthused, I was working 40 hours a week & still expected to mow weekly (my grandmother couldn't do it - she was 79 at the time & had never had a drivers licence,) I did find though that certain, shall we say, herbal smoking things made spending the majority of 1 of my days off on the lawnmower at least a little more enjoyable. I lived there off & on for the next 8 years, my ex & I lived there with my grandmother for a few of those years & we alternated parts of the lawn. often 1 of us would do the close work with a push mower & weed whacker while the other drove the big mower around & alternate weeks as to who did what. The last year we were there though my ex lost interest & basically ignored the whole lawn thing in favor of playing in awful bands (well, 1 was ok the other incarnations sucked) & I was back to doing the whole thing while caring for a 6 year old & an infant. The next fall we moved to Virginia & for the first year, though he did change jobs a lot he did work at least most of the time & I mowed the lawn (because as a stay at home mom I felt it was the least I could do since he was our sole support- such as it was) with an ancient lawnmower he purchased from a all the time yard sale type place for 15 bucks. for some obscure reason he & his best friend painted different parts of the lawnmower different colors & named it #24. (it is telling that ex is a Wallace fan & the friend was an original Earnheart fan. I could never get them to tell me if it was some obscure insult to the lawnmower or what exactly the deal was. It was a colorful lawnmower to say the least & it broke down constantly- which gave me an excuse to do only part of the lawn at a time. At the trailer the ex's & my relations were broken down to such an extent that I basically said 'If you think I'm going to mow a lawn while watching a 9 year old, a 3 year old & an infant you've got annother think coming' & he mowed the lawn grudgingly for the 15 months he lived there with us, the remaining 5 & 1/2 years were a constant struggle, He took the lawnmower with him when he left (he moved to an apartment so I'll never understand why) & I had to borrow neighbors lawnmowers for the next 2 years, then I got myself together enough to by a used lawnmower for $35 bucks I've paid annother neighbor about that much in the last 3 years since then keeping it running & last year with this huge yard I have now I nearly killed that poor lawnmower. I was determined that at tax time I would get a big lawnmower with my earned income credit (hey, being the sole support of 3 kids has it's benifits) & then everything cost more than expected & I didn't do it. so I got a loan against my 401K & bought this one. (after spending too much to look prosperous when my ex was here- but when he looked in the cupboard & the fridge - & he did look- they were chock full of food & that was what was important-)
So now this one seems to be a difficulty, not strong enough for the job & of course it was used so it's not like I can return it or anything- oh well, between 16 & Chris I guess the lawn will get done, even if I'm reduced back to mowing with the push mower & the weed whacker again!

Facing my addiction
Now Playing: The Sweetest Thing by U2
Topic: Rambling on
So this is floating in cyberspace to be posted on day 1 of my exile from my computer, it hasn't worked right in weeks, when we're on instant messenger - doesn't matter which one- we look like we're off. I can't change my desktop from a blank screen, though I can change the color of the screen. that stays. (& I can change the administrator settings, just not my own. & I don't know how to move things between my settings & the administrator because If I could conveniently move a lot of this stuff to there where only I know the password I would move them & leave these settings to the kids...) Anyway, the computer's funky & a coworker who fixes computers in his spare time has offered to try to fix it pro bono. But he doesn't want to drive all the way to my house so I've got to bring it to work & he's going to try to have it back in a day (we have different days off) 3 at the most...due to our schedules it's either 1 or 3. I hope he can do something with it we've never had audio thru the computer & I don't even know where to look to know if I have an audio card... As Important as music is to me you'd think it would have been my first concern.
Because I didn't have a computer untill just last year (thanks J) I didn't really get to do any downloading in the illegal sense back when it was legal. So I didn't get addicted. When friends did show me how they did this all I could think was this has 'got' to be illegal!
I'm sure I'll miss having the computer for 2 or 3 days, but I'm sure I'll get a lot done. hell, as I type this I'm typing it on word pad because my satellite internet is down. This is the first time ever that there's been a problem & I'll be at 2 months tommorow (the tommorow on the day you're reading this, not the true tommorow as I'm writing it!) I was a little worried it was my end but I rebooted, reset the modem & all the modem lights are flashing as if they were ok. Then after an hour (I'm patient about technical stuff, I work in tech support after all) I tried to call & got an all circuts are busy message & then I got thru to the phone tree, but when I selected Technical support I got a busy signal & I have never had a problem reaching them before (before I got installed they sent me a cd rom of virus protection but the sent the wrong one, it was a training cd rom for installers (!) so I have called them before & it took 5 minutes to get thru. So I know it's got to be on their end.) So on to the laundry I need to fold. & then over the weekend if it's not rainy we're supposed to hike, if it is rainy we'll probably do craft stuff 'cause I have a bunch of projects I'm itching to do but haven't had time for since we got online because, of course, this is more interesting than painting a welcome sign for beside my front door (even if I finish it I won't hang it untill after my ex has come & gone- Don't want him to think he's welcome!)

(& annother thing, would you belive he's online on yahoo instant messenger & beside his name it says "busy fighting a war be back soon" what a crock.)

The Ex Cometh
Now Playing: Changes By Black Sabbath
Topic: Rambling on
I left work early back on Friday, I was feeling Ill & on top of that my ex's threatened visit was really putting me into a tailspin. My house is a mess, my yard is a mess, I'm broke, I have broken windows & can't figure out how to take the boards that hold the windows in their frames off to take the windows out & repair them (or how to keep the rope & weight system, that keeps them up when they're open, intact so they'll still work when I'm thru with the glass change)& the night before I got a harsh email from the ex. Being himself & mad because I have a problem with unsupervised visitation & have made it clear that he'll see the kids with me or at his Moms or Brothers houses only. I have had reservations about even having him at my house, so far he dosen't even know where I live now. So I went home early & cleaned house, got no further on the window issue but at least the house was clean, even the cobwebs came off the ceilings (I'm not much of a housekeeper generally) Then I went to my kids school, they have copies of the custody orders & know he's not allowed to take them anywhere but I wanted to give them a heads up about the visit, especially since he was making a fuss about wanting to talk to their classes about his alleged Iraq visit, the school told me addressing the classes was by invitation only & he was not invited(!) then I got an apology from him via email,(glad I have this one stored, I've only had a couple in 14 years so it's a treasure) he blamed his hateful, mean email on the stress of being in Iraq & then slipped it in that he or they are coming almost 2 weeks earlier than he originally said. Now he can't even give me a date for sure. maybe arount the 13th, maybe closer to the 17-18. He's just not sure, I really have my doubts that the military does things this haphazardly. I realize that they might make leaves a little random but it seems that since we're talking about less than 14 days notice for a supposed 15 day time off that they'd have pinned it down by now (at the very least for the military's own convenience) So once again, I have to come to the conclusion that this is just annother B.S. attempt like so many others to put me in a unbalanced, uncomfortable space of mind. Or maybe I just THINK it is? with him you can never tell. Now today I get annother email with all kinds of assurances that he would not, ever, think about taking the kids away from me, he doesn't want to do 10 years for kidnapping etc. (all valid points I admit) but I know him well enough after living with him for 9+ years & knowing him for 24, that I know he belives himself to be invincible & thinks that if he doesn't want to be found he won't be found. Of course, the real kicker in this one is that I don't actually belive he's in the military so all his assurances that he'd be court martialed etc. are not in the least impressive to me! We shall see what happens though, at the least I'll be interested to see his wife face to face in light of her emails back in February. I hope after what I wrote to her back then it is clear to her now that I have no designs on getting him back & would rather shoot him for tresspassing than have him back in my home & so she can hopefully overcome some of her jealousy. (the other 2 times they've come for a visit -2002 & 2004- we've all done things together with the kids & I have strived to keep things light, friendly & fun. But have heard thru the grapevine later that she thought I was too friendly & was flirting with him etc. Anyone who know's me knows I do not flirt. ever. & I certainly do not want that JackA** back! She's welcome to him & all the sorrow that goes with him!)

The Boondocks (& I don't mean the comic strip!)
Now Playing: Devils Haircut by Beck
Topic: Rambling on

Over the past few weeks a co-worker's life has been getting steadily worse, she took her mom back to where she was from so her mom's sister could take care of her for awhile & she could get a break (mom has dementia probs etc) her dad's still in the area & so she still has care of him but it's still half the load which was supposed to be a good thing. But as usual when you get one thing 'fixed' a dozen more come crowding in needing attention. So she's having trouble making ends meet & started making comments about living in her car. I have space & though she can be a little tiresome I said look, I'm not going to let you live in your car, if things are that bad come stay at my house, I have a half finished garage which is at least, insulated & has a fridge, we discussed a few things she/we could do to make it more inhabitable etc & tonight after work she wanted to follow me home from work & see the place, meet my kids etc. As I said I did this not with out reservations but: 1) I could not see letting her live in her car while I had spare space & 2) Once I impulsively offered I couldn't very well take it back (it's that Damn Sagitarius birth sign, My Libra rising sign tries & tries to quell it but once in awhile it just busts out & I end up in a rainy 32 degree day in a skirt & suede shoes or something worse) During work tonight I listened as she made plans with annother co-worker who's started a part time business with her husband in repo-ing cars. KS (the first co-worker) likes to ride along with ES while she's repo-ing cars & I'm sure it's a thrill. I tried to get the ex to do that with me for a company in Roanoke during our last year together but he thought he'd get shot. So they made plans for K to meet E at E's house at 6 am. I said to K 'are you sure you want to come to my house to visit tonight when you've got to be at E's house so early?". "oh, no problem" she airily replies. I had already warned her it's a 27 mile drive & mentioned I take the curvier, shorter way in daylight & the 2 miles longer but (Slightly) straighter way home in the dark (I have an aversion to going the same way anywhere twice on the same trip- too boring) So we start out after she warns me not to drive too fast- I didn't but 24 miles into the trip she flashed her headlights & pulled over, I pulled over (never a good idea on curving mountain roads in the dark. What can you do though- I thought her car may have broken down) & the first thing she says to me is "how much further is it?" I told her annother 3 miles or so & she just gapes at me. "well, I told you 27 miles" I say, "I thought you lived in the country in Illinois & Kansas" she assures me country in those states is nothing like country here! when we finally get to my house she said she didn't remember my saying 27 miles & she can not belive I drive 'all that way' to go to work every day, I pointed out why did she think I like working 4-10 hour days instead of 5 8 hour days & why I bitch so much when we're on mandatory overtime & why when there's anything over 3 inches of snow on the ground I don't come to work. She offered to support me when I discuss this with our boss next time as she said she can really see why I would not be able to get there in bad weather. She liked the garage but said her car could not take that kind of abuse even if we only used it 2 days a week to go to work & my car the other 2. On her days off she'd still need to see her dad & could not go that far because he's back near where we work. I can't say I'm disappointed, she's nice enough but kind of an attention grabber & as I said, as soon as I had offered I was sorry just because of thinking of my late nights with the computer & Sirrius music on the tv set! My drive is not unusual either at our work or in the area, I've heard people in the breakroom discussing traveling 77 miles each way to work where I work & having been there less time than me they make even less than I do. there's 2 people who drive by my house at about 530 & 545 who are going somewhere distant monday thru friday too. I'm often on the way to the bathroom or just back from there at that hour & see the cars lights pass my windows. A daily drive, for many people, to Roanoke is not unusual either, that's 50+ miles from here either way you go. Of course no one's commute is easy, if you don't have distance you often have traffic! In Mass from my childhood home it was 20 miles to Boston & from my later home it was 40 miles, either way unless you hit it just right (& in later years we're talking from 10:30 am to 2:30 pm monday thru thursday only-friday saturday & sunday & evenings all bets are off) you were on the road at least an hour often a lot more than that. (I'm a vetran of the North Shore to South Shore run thru Boston & have driven it in all types of weather, all times of day & night & multiple states of awareness - including thru the main part of highway thru the city in borrowed Spencer's halloween masks - of course the stretch I'm refering to has been gone for a few years now but anyone who was there before that will remember it- I annoyed my daughter telling her to take a good look as we drove north to south thru there 2 years ago because I said she'd never see those buildings up close like that again, the whole thing is closed in now & just a tunnel- ugh. oh well it's still better than 128!)
So no roomie for me. Not a problem, sometimes I think if I ever do find annother guy I'd drive him crazy anyway with my independence & disinterest in doing anything but what I want to do & being with the kids (& then there's the other half of me which worries that if I got involved with annother guy I'd go back & make the same mistakes I made with the last one & have no life but him like I did with my ex. Single is easier & much more comfortable I'm sorry to say- Balance again-)
P.S. Happy Birthday Chris-sea! sorry again for being late with my wishes.

Decorate?
Topic: Rambling on

When I was younger (like 11) my room was supposed to be done in rainbows, my walls were going to be painted white & we were going to paint a rainbow on the wall. I was going to have rainbow sheets & a comforter etc. & the real reason for this was I was going to keep the room clean once the room was done, of course, I never got the room, my Grandmother sewed a rainbow of bias binding on the edges of a sheet & pillowcase for me & we found one of those paper rolls which unrolls into a rainbow & put that up on top of my red flocked wallpaper & that was about as far as the plans got, soon though the room was papered in rock posters, walls, ceiling, everything. 16 had a room with a rainbow on the wall once when she was 5, we painted the room blue, but the room ended up being a teal which looked more like the inside of a pool & then I made a perfect 5 foot rainbow on one wall, my ex painted a sun & clouds & we did trees in one corner where we hung her stuffed animal hammock. it was beautiful. we got kicked out not 6 months later. As usual, the ex wasn't working & we weren't paying rent, He was supposed to have been working on the apartment for part of our rent but my ex felt that gave him the right to not pay any rent at all! The new place is just about the same as it was on day one, the cupboards I intended to paint white are still brown, the cupboards which are sponge painted in blue & were supposed to have been white now too are still sponged. the dining room has this silly apple basket border around the top, 6's room is half painted blue (thanks to 16 who painted the half which is done & her own room lilac purple the day we bought the house) 6's room was supposed to be a spiderman theme, light blue, red & dark blue trim on doors & frames, & a spiderman movie cutout from my work, the cutout is in there but they've ripped his arm off & he's looking kindof worn. my living room is the same white it was when we moved in & I liked my bedroom the way it was so had no intentions of changing it anyway. 9 has changed her mind so many times about what she wants in her room that my head spins when I think about it, so she still has the paneling which was already up when she moved in. The only things about the trailer which I liked were my room which was a deep dark blue & the bathroom which was yellow with sunflower stencils, the bathroom here is a pale mauve with a rose stencil. all of the rooms here are ok, kind of neutral but ok. I just haven't had time for anything like what it would take to get a room painted or papered. Though I have had plenty of thoughts on what I'd like to do with the rooms. We shall see if I ever acheive what I want to do with them though.

More rambling
Now Playing: Pop Song 89 by REM
Topic: Rambling on
Owls, Owls, hmm, southern tradition holds hearing an owl means someone is going to die. nothing about seeing one though, that I can find anywhere, I know native american myth goes both ways, some say death like the appalachian tradition. others say good omen. The last time I saw an owl was 1992, my ex & 16 (who was 2 then) & I were driving from where he lived to where I lived (we're talking about 70 miles here folks,) My little one & I had gone to get him & then we took him back to where we lived. He & I were friends then, no one really belived that, everyone thought we were doing it but we weren't. quite, yet. I belive that was a friday night & that sunday night we had our first kiss- so it was close but not quite there. which leaves me feeling like an owl might not be too good a sign in the long run. But in the short run- if 7, 8, 9 years of ok, (some much better than others) times & 2 beautiful kids can be called the short run. I guess in the course of a life that many years could be called a short time. So the point here is I saw an owl on the way home tonight, it flew from one tree across the road to annother tree & was fairly large & very pretty. The one back in 92 was bigger & all white where this one was white & brown but both were impressive. in 2002 we had an owl in the pine trees behind the trailer & I'd hear it hooting in the middle of the night all that summer which I loved, I love wildlife, hawks, owls, I saw a fox a few weeks ago in the field with out the cows & llamas across the road from my house. The most interesting thing I ever saw like that was a hawk carrying a snake in it's talons, it flew over my car (only about 12-15 feet above the car. here in VA back in 1994. considering what that year was like for my ex & I it's no surprise that I would take that type of sight now as a bad omen but of course I'll probably never see anything like that again! (I hope) Deer I like but only when they wander by when I'm out in the yard, on the porch or in the house, (& they'd better not be in the garden!) I do not like to see them while driving & considering out of nearly 5 years at my job I have worked straight days (home at 330 or 530 in the afternoon) for only about 1 year (sept 2004 to sept 2005) & been driving at some time of night all the rest of the time (now is the earliest night time end of day I've had at 8 pm) & I have had plenty of close calls with deer, dogs, cats, opossoms, racoons, drunks & other nocturnal animals. I haven't hit too many considering the odds when you calculate all the nights I drive & have driven compared with my hit rate (2, neither were domestic animals, 1 opossom & 1 rabbit) so I'll be googling Owls tommorow to see what I can come up with!

Glad I'm not the one giving birthday parties for 1 year olds.
Now Playing: Been Awhile by Stained
Topic: Rambling on
The computer is getting funkier not better, I had a draft all ready to go the other night, I'd worked on it off & on for a few days because on work days I don't even walk in the door before 8:45 (this is why I have 3 days off though so it evens out) so I don't have a lot of time to spend online & like to have stuff ready to post with just a little bit left to do & this was looking good, I previewed it, made corrections, added a picture, previewed again, the picture looked good, I hit add & it disappeared. it just never showed up on the blog, I dunno if it was my computers fault or the site was having troubles but I was so annoyed I just shut it off & went to bed!!
It has been a hellish week of billing questions at work, they kept us doing what I described previously for 6 days, not 4 & then an hour before time to leave on Friday night they changed us back to regular calls & I was never so happy in my life! I woke up in the middle of the night Thursday & was all the way in the bathroom still having an argument in my head about a bill with someone I'd been dreaming about before I realized it was all a dream. I am actually looking forward to going to work tommorow because I don't have to struggle through billing calls. I just have to know all about tech.
Earler in the week I got an email invitation to my nieces first birthday party, I have 3 neices, 1 nephew & multiple cousins, step cousins etc. my ex's family is extended & moved here in 1994 because, in part, of my ex & I talking it up. I have had my regrets over the years off & on but they're very entertaining & in small doses (as long as you leave before the alcohol starts flowing or while it's flowing slowly) they're a lot of fun. I see less of them than when my ex was around but I like them better now. Only 1 of my sisters in law has bestirred herself to come see my new house, but in some ways that's better, if they don't know where it is they can't tell the ex. When we walked in Baby had just finished smearing herself with cake & was covered in chocolate. the other cousins were running around & playing & the adults were just standing around watching & quite a sight it was too, chocolate cake smeared everywhere, eyebrows, ears etc- I know it's form to do that, they let me once & all my kids got to do it too but ugh.... & the floor...the high chair. oh lord I don't miss that at all. (though I have my own messes, I bought a lamp for mr 6 because the overhead light doesn't work in his room anymore & the box & packaging are all over the floor & when I call to him to tell him to pick it up I get 'val helped me open it, let her pick it up') 16 doesn't deign to speak to most of the family because a cousin's daughter told lies (at least 16 says they're lies) about her about a year ago. so she sat in the car for awhile. Eventually though she decided to unbend & come say hi to everyone. Though she just glared at the little girl who may or may not have lied (little, well she's 14) Miss 9 was in her element, a 1 year old, a 4 month old & a 2 year old to play with, she's quite a baby person & loves the whole baby dolls, diapers, bottles stuff. Mr 6 was in his element as my only nephew is just 11 months younger than him & they have this amazing connection for kids who see each other on average of 3x a year. My brother & sister in law & I were discussing trying to get them together more though so I hope that will happen for 6's sake at least, though I do like my sister in law very well. Annother day gone completely, more stuff to do than time to do it in as usual, in a way I like the second half of the year better, this part of the year I can't take a day off because I'm saving them all for the summer when we go to Massachusetts, after the vacation's over I can take a day anytime I want to, though I found saving them 'till I had enough for 2 days together is better because that gives me 5 days off in a row. Very restful & the only things I have to save days off for are Halloween & Christmas! Leaving now to take a shower & relax for awhile with the kids before bedtime (for all of us) pic of mr 6 & his cousin::

Good Day Sunshine
Now Playing: More than a feeling By Boston
Topic: Rambling on

***Disclaimer: this is not 2 in one day, I wrote what I wrote late last night & I just happened to get it posted right after midnight, really the post below should have been for friday***

Once again, it's happend, I had everything nearly set to go on a lovely little thing about reading & my relationship with it, (let's just say reading should be having me arrested as a stalker) & the Damn Computer went out again, Y'know, when I started typing on my blog I thought, 'you should type it on notebook first' & I shrugged it off, typical of me I thought it would be a short thing, just a few lines about reading. Sure enough though, I ran on at some length & then when moving between one screen & my email which I'm reading intermitently I got an error & mozilla shut down entirely, leaving me looking at notebook which I had up because I was also working intermitently on some other things. so, if I'd been on notebook I would not have lost my writings, oh well.
I did have a good day though, it was beeaaauutiful outside today 72 & sunny with a nice breeze, I hung a clothesline & hung clothes on it (I was motivated to do this because I thought the dryer was not drying, it turns out the washer is not spinning the clothes so the dryer could not get them dry because they were so wet & the local appliance repair guy had his answering machine turned off so now it's going to be at least Tuesday before I can get anything done about the washer- oops trying to focus on the GOOD here Becky!) I was aided by 16 & her friend who was over & with all of us pulling on it I think we got the tension right on the line so it won't sag too bad (can't tell right now because the clothes out there currently are so soaked they're three times as heavy as they'd normaly be.) Then the girls went with the weed whacker to the garden & took down some of the old dead weeds which choked my garden out at the end of the year last year. They didn't have much luck though because they said they needed a rake to do much so I have to get a rake next week... We surveyd my creek area to see how/where I'd like to landscape it into a garden/rest spot, I found there's a large rock outcroping there which forms (or may have been formed into) a natural seat. Man, it's nice that I'm in slightly better shape this year & can go down there & come back up with out too much huffing & puffing. I was going to get a bench to put down there in a mail order catalog but I may hold off because theres a lot to be done before I could even put in a bench, the trees are all pines & the branches stick out all over them & are dead because someone just let the trees grow up there & they're very tall so the top branches are all green but the first 10 feet up is broken, bare dead branches just sticking out all over, someone cleared some of it maybe 2 or 3 years ago but left the sticks they cut where they lay so that's all got to be picked up. & then closer to the water I'd have to do more cutting & I don't have a chainsaw or anything like that (yet) I can hear people who know how clumsy I am shuddering at the thought of a chain saw in my hands! trust me, I've gotten a lot steadier- I've noticed I'm a lot less clumsy when I'm around people who just accept me & don't judge me at all (my ex, my parents, certain friends) I first discovered this when my friend Jennie from Haverhill came with me to the south shore for a weekend at my parents house because we were going to do a craft show & she was shocked at how clumsy I was all weekend. I thought about how she kept remarking on it when it was just business as usual for me & I decided that it was being in my home (from age 2 to 17 with occasional sojurns back at 18, 19 & 20) & feeling my parents disaproval of me in general. Jennie had known me for about 7 years at that point but had only known me in Haverhill where I lived with my uncle & aunt or with my grandmother all of whom are a lot more accepting of me than my parents ever were & so she aparently never saw me as clumsy. So back to my day, we went to get mail at the p.o. box & then to town because the little store by the post office didn't have salsa or sour cream. we had quesadillias for lunch out on the porch & then the girls went back to the garden to whack some more weeds & the little ones & I straightened out the shed a little. I hung my collection of liscence plates. thanks to my ex's family I have Florida & North Carolina thanks to R&J I have Missouri & Nebraska (a few of each thanks) & thanks to my ex & myself I have tons of Virginia & Massachusetts & New Hampshire. I also have a ton more VA plates from the previous tennants.
I did not fold to repeated requests to show everyone the bears head in the freezer, though I may do it next week & take a picture for my picture albums online. The brother of the guy who owned this house before me (The brother lived here with mom more than the owner did) shot this bear near Buffalo Mtn a few years ago & has kept it wrapped in a trash bag in the big chest freezer out in the shed - this freezer is big enough that if my ex comes around I could store him in it if things went poorly....lol- & he has not come back to claim the bear head yet (may 26 it will be a year) I know he was saving to pay to have it professionally stuffed so I don't mind, I don't think my electric bill is all that much higher due to the freezer & it's nice to know if I ever have a bunch of extra money I could stock up on groceries & store them out there. (I have yet to even fill the freezer in the spare fridge in my garage. though I've come close a few times.) So then I made a nice beef roast for dinner with souper rice & green beans & have been online ever since.
I'll finish up with a funny thing someone sent me as an email:

Things to say to telemarketers
The police photographer is still here, and the county medical examiner
hasn't released the body to the coroner yet. Can you call back a little later?
What's that you say? Speak up, please, will you? The battery has run down
on my hearing aid.
Louder, please, louder. Is that the best you can do? I'm afraid we're just
not communicating.I'm gonna have to put you on hold. The baby is due any minute now. Quick someone, get some hot water. Lots of it. Sorry, gotta
hurry now, don't go away.
Oh, it's you again. I was hoping you'd call back. The better business people
said I need more positive identification to file my complaint.Now first
let me have your name and telephone number...

oooh weird
Now Playing: I'll stop the world & melt with you by Modern English, I love Sirrius alternative!
Topic: Rambling on

Weird things keep happening, I changed the picture to the left on here because It was hard to read the links over it, with dark lettering the bottom half blended in, with light lettering the top half blended, so I just changed the image. When I went to preview it, the computer showed my blog page with the writing & all but the writing seemed to be in latin! how odd! The cat got herself stuck between the screen door & the front door this morning, I was out on the porch reading in the sun. A good thing too because it's gone overcast this afternoon & if I'd waited 'til later which is my usual impulse when it comes to taking time out & reading I would have missed out on the sun & warmth, I mostly did it becuase I had only about 30 pages left in the book I'm reading & wanted to finish it up so I didn't have to drag it to work tommorow (big book & I hate to finish a book at work, especially if I finish during lunch or heaven forbid, first break, then I have nothing to do all the rest of the day) so I left the door part way open to let some air into the house & all of a sudden the cat's clinging to the screen & miaowing like mad. I opened the screendoor & pried her off of it & found she'd managed to shut the actual door tight behind her! she left mildly affronted at my request to know exactly what she thought she was doing. I think someone was here this morning too. I woke up to hear a car accelerating away from the house, since I live on a curve it could have just been someone accelerating aroung the curve, but it sounded like someone pulling out from in front of my house, nothing on my door though, if it were Jehovas witnesses they'd have left a tract, & it wasn't the sheriffs office with a summons, they'd have knocked until I woke up & answered -they know if the cars there so am I. Or they'd have left it on the door- they've done it before (I expect one will be coming eventually, I've been telling the ex to go to court to request visitation because I'm not going to agree to send the kids to Wisconsin for multiple days or even weeks & while he's supposed to be in Kuwait or Iraq he's also said he was going to go to court to have custody/visitation changed & has said he would have a leave in April or May or August or November- you can see why I don't take a lot of what he says very seriously- it's never the same story twice) The custody/visitation thing worries me but I have sat in court for hours on family court day -waiting my turn- & heard enough other people in front of the judge to know VA (or at least the judge here) does not allow non-custodial parents to take kids out of state & that they very seldom reverse a custody decsision once it's been done (& mine's been a done deal since December of 2001) so while I know, if I have to go to court for this eventually I will be sick as a dog over the whole thing but that other than allowing a schedule of visits supervised by my ex's Mother, Brother or other family - rather than the haphazard arangement of the same supervised visits which is what I have allowed previously- nothing much should change. Or maybe I'm just whistling in the dark?
So if someone was here, who? & why? Could have been the farmer who has a right of way on 1 corner of my land but it dosent look like he's been here, since the house was locked up tight I don't have to worry about anyone who might come take stuff (& I know a few people who might try) Then miss 16 has been text messaging me all day asking to come home, not because she's sick or anything, because she 'hates this school' is what she keeps saying & keeps saying- this has been going on for a few weeks, but she won't tell me why & I have to have a reason to deliberately subject myself to the emotional stress of going to the high school office & signing her out of school. I know, it shouldn't be that big a deal, but it is for me, I never went to high school, I was homeschooled & being in the prescence of so many teenagers & the people who try to keep them in line all day is weird for me. I like the elementary school better but only because of more exposure to it than the highschool, 16 spent all but 6 months of her education from 2nd grade to 7th grade at that school & the other 2 little ones coming up in the same school give me a certain clout although they don't like me too much there because I refuse to attend PTA (I've been known to choose work schedules which required me to work on Thursday nights so as not to be able to go & have a better excuse than 'I hate PTA) Most of the problem with PTA is that most everyone has known each other since highschool themselves & are remarkably clique-ey. combine that with a heavy sense of insular attitude- I'm not from here thus bad, odd, a hippie, out to change everything to my liking etc. The couple times I was forced into it by a teacher looking for 100% parental attendance for a special event I sat alone the whole time & I don't even have a little baby to attend to while I'm there for something to do anymore- which gives you an idea of how long it's been since I attended any PTA function! My 16 year old had a friend who moved here from somewhere else & HER mother became president of the PTA so as to get involved with the comunity- but I'm not an extrovert & I'm not about to do anything of the kind. Much to my little one's dismay (my oldest learned this long ago about me)I think the reason my kids don't have the same teachers back to back is an attempt to keep any teacher from losing the possibillity of 100 % parental PTA attendance for more than 1 year! (It does happen down here- though I know I'm not the only one who doesn't go)but enough rambling. it's just been a weird day so far!

Annother day annother drive
Now Playing: Keep 'em Seperated The Offspring
Topic: Rambling on

27 miles each way, I drive the twisty way on the way to work, the straighter, longer way on the way home. music blasting, full out, balls to the wall as fast as centrifugal force will allow. I have found, since I moved, that it makes a great deal of difference what time I leave home in the morning, a difference of 2 minutes decides if I'm behind a school bus for 7 miles (untill he turns off at his home -it's my kid's bus driver & as he passes me waiting to turn onto the main road behind him he waves & laughs) or not. It can decide I'f I'm going to chance hitting this guy who drives from his driveway, across my path, to get onto the road to what is probably the way to his work (we've come close 2 or 3 times, most mornings his trucks still warming up in his driveway as I go by.) Wether I cross paths with the county sherrif on his way to work, headed in the opposite direction from me. (we wave) Or if I end up driving behind 2 guys in a 1 ton truck with a wood flatbed who shoot the breeze back & forth & seem to delight in driving 45 mph where I could (& would, if it weren't for them) do 55 or 60 with ease. the only passing zone for 15 miles is right in front of where my road turns onto the main road so passing is out of the question, there's 3 ways to go (4 if you want to go over a fairly large mountain - which I don't.) & then there's the town in the next county. the entire mile & a half thru this town is 25 mph while I'm driving through on my way to work due to 3 schools right in a row.The police are there every day. not just sometimes, every single day. the people who run the store I stop in every day I work think it's funny to count how many people the cops pull over. It has yet to be me & I don't intend to be pulled over. I speed, but not in school zones. I still feel guilty when I see a cop, even if I'm not doing anything wrong I feel like I am just by seeing the blue lights- even when they're not flashing- the drive to work is beautiful in some ways though, there's a couple of beautiful mountain ranges & when the sun is right, or the clouds are right it is something to see. Still though, I'd rather stay home!