WHAT am I thinking?
Now Playing: One thing by Finger Eleven
Topic: General Diatribes

I am thinking Chrissies wasting the day sleeping (& I'm wasting mine on the computer) & if she thinks I'm staying up til 3 am with her tonight she's nuts, I'm thinking I will be glad in many ways next week when school ends but I will miss my peace & quiet in the morning & afternoon on tuesday & wednesday, just the cat & I (& the other cat now, & the dog & Chrissie snoring away in her room) But the kids being here means I get to see them more.
I'm thinking about my garden lying out there growing weeds waiting for me to come make more raised beds, I'm thinking of the clothes I have ruined out there already this year & trying to decide what clothes I'm going to ruin out there today because even though it's past noon I'm still slopping around in my nightgown.
I'm thinking about milk, cheese, eggs & bread all of which we need & the fact that I have 11 bucks on my credit card & hate taking it to the store to buy groceries (it just feels wrong) & that Tuesday is too early to kite a check on a check deposited on Thursday & not technically available until Friday.
I'm thinking about the check I already kited to the school to send Val to a field trip on Friday, hopefully they won't cash it too soon... they usualy hold them for awhile which is what I'm betting on. I'm thinking that I should call the bank & check my balance (bank does not have an atm or automated system you actually have to talk to a person) I'm thinking, as I call the bank that there should be a way to pause napster when it's playing your music but there isn't & then I'm thinking after hearing my paltry balance that I should have put $100. in there for emergencies & kept it out of my balance sheet so I would have it available at times like this (HA!) of course I know I would have spent it long ago if I had done so. I'm thinking now that it's about time I did something other than mess around on the computer even though by my measure I haven't been on very long (I average 4-5 hours on my days off & 30 minutes on my work days) I've only been on for about an hour now but there's so much to do around here that I know I should give this up. I should wash dishes & clean up the house, I would like to do some laundry but Chrissie says she's doing some today so I'm leaving the washer & dryer alone for her. I need to put my laundry away & I have a book case & a media rack to build & put up. cabinets to organize & Cam's room to clean, I have the garden calling my name but it being aproximately noon I know I won't be going anywhere near there for awhile yet, even going out around 4 pm Saturday my neck & upper back were red & painful later on, I'm too light skinned the slightest sun can make me burn lately. From what I've read, that's the St Johnswort's doing.
I'm thinking that if the credit card I applied for last week appears in the mail today I might say the hell with it about the chicken divan I'm supposed to cook tonight & take everyone out to dinner instead. I'm thinking that that sort of thing has got to be kept to a minimum unless I want to be paying a huge credit card payment every month... & of course I'm also thinking that everyone going out to dinner is a messy idea because either someone has to sit in the trunk or we have to take 2 cars & there is school in the morning so I'd have to worry about getting back in time & about homework getting done, especially if we go anywhere but right here in town which is what I don't want to do. I'd rather go somewhere else, even Galax, though I shouldn't say it like that because I do like Galax, at the very least it's not on my way to work & that's a plus, I'd rather drive to Roanoke than drive the same way I drive to work each day. Also I'm thinking if we go out to eat the garden won't get anywhere today. I think I should say goodbye now & get the stuff I need to do done, at the very least I should get dressed!

Things to do before I die
Now Playing: What the Hell Have I? Alice in Chains
Topic: General Diatribes

I was filling out a survey to put on my 'regular' blog & was struck by the question: '3 things you want to do before you die'. It reminded me of a book I saw either at the library or in a bookstore (been to both recently & can't remember where I saw it) about 1001 things you 'must' do before you die. & they were all things like skydive, see yellostone ntl. park etc. Now I'm not against these things & I hope to do the 2nd one & would theoretically like to try the first (assuming I was of normal size, strength & abillity- all of which I am not.) also some of the stuff on the list was out of reach of most people I know. I realize that living where I do & coming from the background that I do I am not actualy in the normal range, for instance: My father never went anywhere further south than New York City, (He'd spent plenty of time in all of the 6 New England states though) He never had a credit card & did not want any. None of that is normal by todays standards, it was amusing to me that with in a year of my fathers death my mother had not 1 but 3 credit cards & moved to Houston Texas (that part was temporary- she was back in Mass in less than a year) My ex Aunt here in VA (originally from Mass too) spent almost 10 years up here before she ever went to Roanoke. (She did go home to Mass a few times but never would go to Roanoke- she said she was afraid of the ride down the mountain- I did that ride within 2 weeks of coming here for the first time in 1987 & have loved it ever since. My best friend who's living with me left awhile ago to go to Roanoke & I had a burst of jealousy because she was going to get to drive down there & I had to stay here because the kids will be home from school soon. I comforted myself by reminding myself that the weather is gray & cloudy & the view won't be that good! (I am trying to forget that the weather here has no bearing on the weather in Roanoke, it could be beautiful there when it's pouring cats & dogs here or vice versa) I know of other people, elders I met when I worked at the local nursing home etc. who had never been further than 30 miles from home in their entire lives & were proud of that fact. I could totally understand that. When we first moved back here in 1997 we lived 20 miles from the center of town & 8 miles from the main road, part way up a mountain & since Valerie was only 13 months when we moved I was a stay at home mom for the first 4 or 5 months & then again the following Summer because it made more financial sense for me to be home with the kids than to earn $5.25 an hour & pay someone to watch the kids. Due to the way my ex is he'd go to work & then go out with friends from work or decide to go visit his mother & step dad or other people instead of going home & so I would go at least 2 weeks with out ever leaving home, except for an occasional late night excursion to the nearest store to get milk or something like that. & then, when he did get paid & we went out to go grocery shopping I felt all weird due to having been at home with kids all the time & not leaving the house at all even the small town felt huge & too busy after being at home on a road that saw maybe 10 cars pass by all day long! Things aren't the same for me here, even if I could stay home more than the 3 days a week that I do, the road is too busy for me to feel as isolated as I did there.
As for other things to do before you die, most of them seem to be travel destinations. Places to see & experience, though I did find a bunch of peoples lists of things THEY wanted to do before they died, I don't know that I could do that though, certainly there's things I want to do but I don't like to limit myself with a list, after all, who knows what might happen next. I want to sell my house after my kids are grown & buy a smallish rv & travel around the country to see it. But if gas is $5. a gallon or if I end up a grandmother younger than I hope to, I might have to change those plans. you just never know, & I don't want some piece of paper I wrote 20 years earlier hanging around & making me feel bad about not reaching my 'goals'especially since I've done pretty well so far with getting what I need to keep my family going!

It Could Always be Worse
Now Playing: Once in a Lifetime by The Talking Heads
Topic: General Diatribes

Did you ever have a dream where you can not figure out what anything is, you try to read what's in front of you, you try to click on the link but none of them go anywhere, every button you press does nothing or opens up annother bunch of possibillities that you either don't understand or are not what you need? Welcome to my LIFE! I felt pretty good after yesterday, I felt like I had the whole new computer program at work under my belt, I could schedule a tech to come out, I could set up to replace equipment. Then Monday came, I knew it would be more difficult, the sheer volume alone, people who don't do business on Sundays & people who assume we don't do business on Sundays always call on Mondays so there's Lots of calls coming in. & there's a lot more random stuff, people who are mad because the tech didn't put the cable in where they wanted or left it hanging off the gutter, people who select tech because 'I thought it would be the fastest way to get a person on the phone honey' We're allowed to use the old computer system in certain circumstances (all of which we have to document for the programers to check out so they can make the new program do those things too- I'm not holding my breath for the day that happens-) & the computer with the old program is next to me so I've seen a lot more of my co-workers than I usually do. Every one of them who has walked by my desk to the computer with the old program has been mumbling swears, imprecations & laments all the way there & all the way back. One woman's rant was so blue with swears that I had to mute my customer so he wouldn't hear her.
I try to look at things like this: The job is really the same as it ever was. It's still nice when I fix a little old lady's snowy tv screen. It still stinks when I have to tell people who are at least as poor as I am or sometimes even poorer what it's going to cost to have someone come out & fix their problem. I still take the attitude that if you get on my phone & it's technical I will fix the problem or get someone to you who can fix it. (I tell anyone who I have to talk to who hasn't been at the job as long as I have that tenacity is 70% of the job I DON'T just quit or give up - before I was advanced tech it was a point of pride not to transfer to them. Now I am the end of the line & I make sure what has to be done gets done- even when it means doing unpleasant things.
The only thing which has changed is how I do a lot of the things that have to happen to make sure that people get their remotes or that the tech gets to the right house on the right day. It's a part of my job but not the biggest part & not the most important part. So far everyone who I've had to ask to wait while I resolve their problem thru this new program has been very patient & kind. Especially when I've explained about learning a new computer program. There's always a curmudgeon in there though, once in awhile theres a person or two who just won't wait & they get mad or hang up while on hold. I try to take that as being their problem not mine.

In other news miss 16 finally got a picture of her boyfriend from KY. he's coming to visit in a few more weeks & staying a week. I'm glad she know's who we're meeting at the bus station now! He's cute & I belive, considering her excitement over the pictures, that he's exceeded her expectations of how he would look. So all is very calm & even a little hyper/happy on 16's front. Except of course, for that little inconvenience called school, this is sol (standards of learning) week for her & I've learned from previous years to not even question her as to how she thinks she did I've learned to just wait for the test results & not worry about it too much. She always says she did terrible but she nearly always does very well.
Miss 9 is having a lot of fun with Chrissies daughter, they're sharing a room & are deep in cahoots when they're not at each other's throats. The really amusing thing to me is how Chrissies daughter is just like Chrissie was when we were 12, 13 etc. & how miss 9 although she's 2&1/2 years younger than Sami is nowhere near the sheep I was. If she wants to do what Sami says she does it, if she doesn't she just digs in her heels & says 'no way.' By comparison I just went along with what ever my friends wanted to do & then felt mad because we never did anything I wanted to do & of course the kids who were willing to let me boss them & do what I wanted to do were 'boring.' That's all too familiar in my relationships with men, (except Doug, my relationship with the ocean 2 blocks away from where we lived kept me from being as big a fool with him as I was with others- though some would say I was a fool since I've got miss 16 & he's never even seen her- but that's my reward not my punishment!)
Mr 6 is adjusting pretty well to watching tv in my living room, he definitley enjoys having Chrissies dog here, he loves to run & the dog likes to chase him so that works out well for both of them. We had the garden plowed (the guy still has to come back & till it & break the turf up more in depth) on Saturday. & he's having a lot of fun checking out the hills & valleys of the plowed area, looking for worms & digging up tree roots (I had to cut off 5 or 6 which were 3-4 inches thick) We had a little bigger area plowed to expand the garden this year, last year I was hesitant because I thought it would be too much to take care of & it was, but I also found that stuff will grow even if you don't weed much, you just have to look harder for the stuff that grew. I bought a bunch of seed packs in January so I plan to start all the seeds, buy even more flats & just grow as much as I can, who knows, I've always wanted to learn how to make pickles, maybe I'll learn on cucumbers we aren't able to eat all up!