16 is a rough age for the mother too
Now Playing: Wish you were here by Incubus
Topic: Family Business

I try, I really do try to remember what it's like to be 16, I can look back, read my diaries, talk to people who knew me then etc. but still. My hopes & wants for my daughter still get in the way. Last night she was moping, shes 'dating' a guy from Kentucky (online dating is beyond me in a lot of ways, how can you date someone thru a computer & a phone? I thought dating was doing things together- well anyway) & first she tells me he's a burn out. NOT what a mother wants to hear - The next thing out of her mouth is that she's worried he'll break up with her & as her loving mother I opened my mouth & said- well if he's a burn out you're better off with out him. This earned me tears & a statement that she's never going to bother talking to me again.
I felt terrible, I don't want to cut her off but this is the girl who watched me go from being a stay at home mom to a nursing home housekeeper for $5.40 an hour to what I do now. (for which I get paid better than many people doing other jobs in this area but still a tiny amount in terms of what others make around the country) & she saw me struggle, & scrimp & save & worry over every bit of food & clothes I had to provide. (all of which I still do) And what she said for all those years is 'I'm not going there, I don't want kids, I want a carreer, I want my life all set before I settle down' & now that she's 16 & everyone around her is beginning to pair off & because she's not the standard size & the standard look she's not getting much attention she's changing her goals & focusing on guys & if they like her & what does she need to do to get them to like her & I see her falling into the pit that I fell into on my own in the 80's.
I was into fun, I wanted to party & hang out & meet someone. My jobs were all a means to an end, not a vocation or a calling, nothing I loved, just what would pay the bills & give me as much free time as possible, my job now is still that. (Although at least it is challenging & keeps me learning & expanding my knowlege base etc.) The things I actually liked to do: do not pay, or do not pay enough, or require too much time to get to the point where they would pay, (like writing) now I have a family to support & that comes over & above wether I am fulfilled at my job or not. I do not want any of my kids to end up the way I have. Although really I still do not have any great calling, if I won 10 million dollars today I would travel, build a nice big house, maybe keep a few horses & read, go online & just live my life. I know people who always wanted to be a nurse, a doctor, a veteranarian, an actress etc & would pursue these if they had all the time & money needed- there's never been anything like that for me. Not now & not previously.) As a teenager there was nothing I was into that could have been worked into a career (well maybe I could have been a music critic or an r&d rep for a record company but I lacked the look & the connections & the knowledge that those careers were even available)
I have always told my kids to pick something early & stick with it. Now that it's actually crunch time. (at 16 she's only got 2 more years in highschool to make a decision & then move on to college & pursue what ever she decides upon) She thinks she wants to be a psychologist & is signing up for some classes in that direction (sociology & beginning psychology for junior year) but is still a lot more concerned with wether 'J' will find someone else in his actual state & stop talking to her. I have watched family members younger than I, both in my family & my ex's have all sorts of ideas about what they were going to do & how they were going to live their lives & most of them have ended up involved with someone & working at a bank or a factory or in a trade. At a dead end job with little room for advancement & no sign of the dreams they had when they were 15, 16 etc. (these people are only in their early to mid 20's now & it depresses me to see how their lives have turned out- they learned nothing from my ex & I -except maybe, to pick a job & stick with it- don't quit your job every 6 weeks & find annother one- That's from my ex though) I just don't want my kid to repeat my mistakes & I don't feel like I'm going to be able to stop her the lessons I needed to teach her about how to be happy with out someone else there all the time came too late, too far into her formative years to do any good, when she was 3,4 5 & supposed to be learning them she was watching me worry & obsess over wether my ex was going to leave & what I could do to try to make him happy so he wouldn't leave.& now those unhealthy images are what she's acting on no matter what I say now.