Snow way!
Topic: just letting off steam

Typical Saturday: every other week I get paid, we go shopping & get 2 weeks worth of groceries, before the house we would go out for a nice meal, get clothes etc. (now with the house it's mostly groceries) I never thought last night there'd be any problem today. The weather man confirmed this, 'oh theres snow on the way, but it's a fast mover, shouldn't leave more than an inch on the ground,' is what he said... so when I rolled out of bed after being awakended by my 6 year old's rapturous joy at 'all the snow' I was quite unprepared for the 2 inches on the ground!!! & it's still snowing too... those little flakes that you just KNOW will last all day. A trip to the computer weather map confirms this, what was supposed to pass to the south of us & just dust the area has turned into a full out, all day barrage of snow... the tv's weather man? hiding behind the saturday morning cartoons! Coward

Write now
Topic: Rambling on
Write Now!
I allways wanted to be a writer when I was young, I wrote in my diary, I wrote my fantasies down & mde them stories. bound them in a way & kept them...I had less problem with people reading my diaries than I did with people reading my stories. Diaries dealt with concrete reality. The stories were how I wished things were & because of that were more embarassing. I treasure my diaries from the past it enables me to go back & look at the person I was when I first came to VA... I found a meeting of someone I still know today in there... I'd forgotten how we met & it was very amusing to re-read it! I also find the diaries very useful when having problems with my oldest at 16 she is sure she's all set to go forth into the world & conquer or at least do better than 'dumb old mom' & I can look back & remember feeling that way too (although I know I'm nowhere near as unhinged as my own mother was when I was 16) But it still gives me insight into how it is to be 15 & 16 years old again

The stories became a sore point.. I wrote them right up untill 1993 or so & in 1996 my ex read some I'd written when I was in VA & he was in NC & we were not together... these stories did not cast him in a flattering light & represented me moving on & finding someone else.. he did not take kindly to them & really threw a fit.. took my writing down being with someone else to mean I had been with someone else (not the case- I've allways lived a lot more fully in my head than in the real world) it took weeks of pleading, cajoling & begging to make him understand & speak to me again (man he WAS high maintainance & I do not miss that bit at all) so we carried those stories thru 2 more moves, 1 in MA & 1 down to VA & he convinced me to burn them at the house in Va in 1998... We really did need the paper for kindling at the time but still, I wish I'd said no now... I would love to read them over now! Although I have my doubts as to how much I could stand it! I was given to the romantic back then & I also assumed I'd lose weight once I got out of my mothers house. now at 37 I've found it's a whole lot bigger issue than I previously belived! But that part is neither here nor there, I haven't got anywhere near the capacity to read soppy romantic crap anymore so I probably would have trouble reading the writings my former teenage & young adult self put out!

100 things about me
Topic: 100 things about me

89- music is practically my life - for nearly 10 years of my life I barely ever watched tv- just listend to music & did stuff- never had the time for tv. that all changed when I had kids though

88- 88 was the year I met my oldests father- (I still know all the dates anything important in my life happened I met D on 9/30/88, & got together with R on 6/28/92, last saw D on 1/20/90, & R&I decided we were getting divorced or at least seperating on 11/8/00. that was all effortless...as easy as pulling up todays date. maybe even a little easier since I didn't work today & don't pay attention to the day if I'm not at work

87- I like to not pay attention to the day or time as much as possible, I love to eat when I'm hungry, sleep til I'm not tired & just do what I feel.like doing when I feel like doing it.

86- I have never spent more than a day in public-formal education. I was home schooled from 5th grade up & before that I went to alternative schools where you could choose to do school work or not

85- as a teenager my favorite place to be was anywhere but home. Being homeschooled made me very bored about being at home

84- most of the nicknames I have I hate... Rebekells is C's, rebecky is K's. Beckala was J's, the only one I ever liked was Beck which I still use. But my original nickname- Becky is my preferred name- call me Rebekah & I feel like I'm in trouble

83- All my kids have nicknames too: fallopius, lolobelle. hellois, atv,(for all terrain valerie) valzabrat, vallerina, camdaman, camerot, & buddy.

82- I have had many more crushes than real relationships- I only consider 2 as relationships

81- I try to consider my ex a friend but he makes it hard & I have to keep reminding myself why I should not do so. I need a list of 100 reasons not to consider him a friend!!

80- I got this idea for 100 things about me from someone who I used to consider a friend but who dosen't speak to me anymore because my ex & I skipped out on a rental that she had refrenced us for.

My Loves...hah!... For Valentines day
Topic: just letting off steam

I've had many more crushes than reciprocated loves In my life...being Fat & Shy is a poor combination if you're hoping for Love after all

#1 first heavy one, at 11 was JH, he was a spoiled preppy guy this kid wore elasticized belts with spouting whales on them...uhg! Now he seems to be a tv reporter in my home state... my Grandmother & Mother get to tell me all the time 'oh, I saw JH on tv the other night'

#2 it's a fairly reocuring theme of mine to go from 1 extreme to the other I went from the goody two shoes sunday school prep to my neighborhood's bad boy... that was a disaster... TM never even looked at me except when aiming snowballs or rocks at me

#3 Then I made a cardinal mistake..never develop a crush on someone who someone in your family is involved with! especially not when the family member is the same sex as the crush is... It was fairly depressing becoming a fag hag at 15...lol

#4 I carried most of these crushes for years alternating between them at the same time... there were others, CC was a big one, annother guy who didn't pay the slightest interest to me

#5 My first 'real' boyfriend was AD who I met my first year away from home living in Hull Ma. He was a friend of my roommates boyfriend & I was more concerned over why he would want to go out with me... we didn't last long..I'd had plans to visit family & when they fell thru I went back to my apartment & slept most of the weekend, he was mad I didn't call him instead & broke up with me

#6 next sorta boyfriend was a guy from work who was ok but sort of slow... I felt more like he was better for me because I was so socially retarded anyway being shy, having been homeschooled & relating a lot more to books than to people... I moved away to Virginia to get away from S (I can't even remember his last name!)

#7 In VA I had annother crush on DB he was lonely but not, apparently lonely enough to go out with me ( & this was during my thinner phase...how depressing! I'm starting to regret even starting this.......lol..) Everyone thought we should go out except him & when I was getting ready to go back to MA he deigned to sleep with me as a last gasp sort of thing... told me he felt it was abuse of a sort to do so. the same evening we did it (afterwards though)

#8 I had a few meaningless affairs after I was back in MA, nothing I'm too proud of... then I dated DP for awhile. he was of annother nationality & we worked together.. my kids still love to look at the pictures of us in my album... his mother broke us up because she didn't want him dating out of his nationality

#9 I met my oldest daughters father by picking him up hitchiking.. this may sound very odd in most parts of the country but as everyone in Hull Ma knows if you need a ride stand at the rotary & you'll get picked up...when I lived in Hull ( see #5) I used to hitchike from there everyday... there was a bus to Hull but it only ran in the 80's when they felt like driving it....so since I was driving around aimlessly & going thru the rotary & this guy was standing there I had to stop... any one who's stood in that spot knows this... when you've got a car & someone's there you HAVE to stop....

#10 D's & my relationship started at the Dungeons- annother well known Hull place, we went to dinner at Jakes for lobster & the very next night I took him to Topsfield fair which ended as a disaster... he had a delicate stomach & was an alcoholic at the same time... needless to say the rides I wanted to go on were not his cup of tea.

#11 ignoring this we began a relationship & had quite a few (alcohol soaked) good times, we found we'd nearly met about 3 different times, he was a cook at a restaraunt where I had been going to wash dishes thru my friend/roommate who he knew from the restaruant too... & then he was a house painter when a friend of my roommates & mine was a brush cleaner for the same co & when J lit his arm on fire D was there...I was telling him this story & he finished it for me because he already knew it. the relationship culminated in my renting a room in the house he was janitor in (this was in trade for his rent) I got pregnant in May & by August he was so unpleasant & I was so upset that I moved out...Last time I saw him was about a week before my daughter was born & last time I spoke to him was at 330 am on the night she was born (she was born at 257am) he told me he was 'glad everything worked out for me' he's never seen his daughter.

#12 I've known my ex since he was 8, I was 13 at the time & unimpressed.. I grew up with him being at my house all the time. he was a friend of my brothers though my brother avoided him at hockey season because my brother had little to no interest in sports & R Loves hockey.

#13 a few years after my oldest was born R & I started hanging out together & this developed into a relationship which was on again off again for 8 years, we married 2 years into the mess & had quite a few good years but there were allways ups & downs... he wouldn't hold a job steadily & while we had very young children (most of this time) I was at home with them because day care would have cost almost as much as I ccould have made working. he agreed with me on this to my face but I know now from friends & relatives that he was telling everyone else I was lazy & didn't want to work.

#14 when he left in 2000 I tried a couple of jobs & settled into what I do now & I've been there nearly 5 years... he just as always has had more jobs than I can count... it's a nice but mean feeling to be able to say 'well, who's lazy now? I have a house, a car & don't worry about where the payments are coming from & you're still living hand to mouth'

#15 still there's no guy at all in my life now... have had a few crushes at work but no one has been interested yet...lol.. guess I have too much baggage.
Well, anyway happy Valentines Day to all

100 things about me
Topic: 100 things about me
100- I'm Fat, I've been fat my whole life excluding ages 18 to 21 & it's only a big deal when it keeps me from doing something I want to do.

99- I have red hair & all 3 of my kids do too... I love my hair un like most people.

98- I grew up in a big old house, with lots of land around me which I was able to explore.. thats what I miss most is being able to go for walks in the woods when ever I feel like it

97- I've got 3 kids 1 from 1 guy & the other 2 from annother- that said I am NOT a slut - I've slept with less than 15 men in my whole life: see item 100


96- I work technical support for a dbs provider & my job is very challenging & often quite stressful. but almost without even trying I have come to find myself at the top of the heap.. I know my stuff & happen to be sharp enough to be able to spew it out quick & consice when someone asks.

95- as a child I was afraid of almost everything, dark, big trees, garbage trucks, now I'm only afraid of one of my kids dying..

94- When my oldest was born the doctor put her on my stomach & she looked at me & cooed ''hi''

93- She dosen't belive this story

92- oldest child is at that age where she thinks she sprung from the ground fully formed & has graced my prescence ever since then- I had nothing to do with her being here as far as she's concerned

91- next child is 9 & very loving & sweet when she wants to be, being the middle child though she has a lot of hurt feelings & poor me attitudes, she also gets these looks like her father that send chills down my spine

90- Youngest & my only boy is 6 he's sweet, loud & fast- loves to run but would rather watch tv unfortunately.