A Status Report on the Only Thing On My Mind Currently
Now Playing: Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds
Topic: Family Business
Yeah, he's here, so is Chrissie, She's been a great support, though it really has not been too bad yet. They spent yesterday, Easter, with his Brother's family & their Dad, his wife & their son. The worst part was on my way to the house after a 10 hour work day I saw the car with the WI liscence plates rolling towards me on the road & it kept going, it was dark & I could not see who or how many people were in the car, I immediately remembered all the times I have heard him say, 'well fine, I'll just take the kids to WI & the WI laws will apply & I'll have custody' I almost turned around & followed the car but I called my Brother in law & acted like I was just letting him know I was on my way & he immediately told me the Ex & miss9 had just taken a run to the store but mr6 & his 5 year old son were playing together as we spoke. I felt very relieved & my hands had almost stopped shaking by the time I arrived at the house, I hung out & waited for them to come back from the store, made plans for mr6 to go with his uncle & cousin fishing in a few weeks on a sunday- which I'm sure he'll love.
The Ex is as usual morose & bitter & grouchy. Even when he's trying to be caring towards the kids it comes out as commands & threats.
No major confrontations last night, we behaved ourselves. Today was also non eventful in the arguing, cutting remarks & rude asides categories too, though I definitley got the feeling he was inspeecting my house for dirt, grime & unsafe things (the ladder stairs to the girl's bedrooms were inspected at length to the point where I offered to have him build some steps there if he'd like since he'd be cheaper than a handyman. He declined) We actually had a pretty good time because his new wife has been through the wringer with him lately & so we kind of ganged up on him & teased him a little.
The ETD (estimated time of departure) was supposed to be Tuesday, now it's being moved around & may be Wednesday or Thursday, I'm not too pleased about that let me tell you!

Still Stuck on the Same page...
Now Playing: Passive by A Perfect Circle
Topic: Family Business
The computer came home (finally) on monday evening, I pretended to my ex & a few other people that I didn't hook it right up monday when I got home but I did. I've been catching up since then. The ex had left an email on 4/7 saying he was coming the 12th. I hadn't heard from him since, there was only the 1 email on the 7th & nothing else either way. So thinking it was because he was in transit I went into panic mode & cleaned the house, changed my schedule at work, I had hounded my boss through sunday & monday to get me the 17th off. Then when I got the email from the ex that he was coming early I called work to change that & was told I had to come in & do it in person & thursday, the next day I work, wasn't enough notice to do so. I went in there & ended up face to face with the Director of the place who approved my day off with out a pause, originally he was going to set up for me to have both friday & monday, but I said no, friday should do it...
Open mouth, insert foot. Now this morning I get up & there's an email from the ex saying oh, change of plans I'm getting home the 14th, we'll be there the 16th!!
I'm going to let my boss sort it out with the Director tommorow when we're back to work.
Let me just state for the record that I wish my ex would either drop out of my kids lives altogether (no big loss considering how seldom he calls or writes or sees them:2002, 2004 & 2006-if he shows up) Or would move back to this state & file for visitation so we're on a regular schedule where I can say to the kids, ok, Dads going to be here to get you Tuesday, Thursday & next weekend etc.
The thing that really upsets me is the knowledge that he may have been messing with me just to mess with me...No one else in the family had heard of any changes in his schedule but me. Which made me wonder about it at the time, but my work is so psychotic about days off & having to request them in advance & all, that I went & changed my day off.
There are bright sides to the whole thing though, my drive to work at 530 last night with all 3 kids was a pretty drive with the sun in a different position from where it is on my way to work in the morning. Then after my business was taken care of we went to dinner at a mexican resturant which I really love. & then we went & got a push broom & some other odds & ends, wasp spray especially. At the big chain hardware store with the blue sign.
Then on the way home everone (but me) thought we needed desert, since my car needed oil though I stopped at a store & got everyone ice cream treats & a good time was had by all on a night that would otherwise have included homework, showers & negotiating online time for 4 people 2 of whom only want to play games & should be doing their homework.
It really was a nice night, the sort of impromtu thing we used to do a lot of before I bought the house & had more money because when I was in the trailer I paid $150. a month lot rent & once I got up over 10 bucks an hour there was plenty of money for most stuff...

Paranoid
Now Playing: Dosen't remind me of Anything by Audioslave
Topic: Family Business



So the Ex is coming, first it was for a week, now it's for 3 days or maybe 3 & 1/2. As usual he's not sure, of course I know that the 'not sure' & 'doesn't remember' stuff he perpetuates is often a mask for his true motives, he often pretends he doesn't know something when he actually does because he likes to display an image of not paying attention to much when he actually is watching things like a hawk. Once when we were married I drove us somewhere & I thought he was asleep the whole drive, when we got there & he told me he hadn't been asleep I questioned this as I was not too pleased that he had not been asleep (there was someone else in the car & we were having a private discussion)He not only was able to report back to me the entire discussion the other person & I had but also tell me the make & model of every car we passed on our 20 mile drive (not a lot of them, it was very early in the morning & we only passed about 10 cars)He is scary that way & it wories me that he's being rather vague about the dates. He says 3 days but then he says they're driving from Sunday to Monday & will be here Monday afternoon & fails to say wether monday is counted as a day or if Thursday would be the third day. It's typical of him & worries me, I've already alerted the school & certain Family members & friends who are my backup. I'm leaving it to him to let his Mom & Brother know. Since he says they're staying with his Sister & his Brother I certainly hope he's mentioned it to them! I've also asked for a swap at work so I work the Saturday before he shows up & then have Thursday off (when he may or may not be here still) & I left work early today because I was sick & timed my drive when leaving halfway thru the day to see if leaving at that time would get me home in time to pick up the kids at school on that Monday.(it should, barring any log trucks!)Which, should be ok. If he's not lying & actually staying more days than he's said he would (not unheard of in the past)So he drives me nuts, I have to worry all the time about it & on top of that he's remarried & she's aparently jealous of the time we were married which is silly because the 2 times we've met I've worked very hard to show that I have no interest in him in the least except that he's the only person who cares as much as I do about the kids.

Saturday: Just annother day of Work, with out the Headset & the Customers
Now Playing: Audioslave: Doesn't Remind Me of Anything
Topic: Family Business
For a day where I was cleaning for the majority of it, it's been a pretty good day, 6's room was a mess, as usual, so I decided to tackle it today, he did help, which proves he's growing up, he used to just wander off or whine & cry the whole time. For once he was fairly enthusiastic. He seems to have figured out that we find all his missing toys during the cleanup. I don't care one way or the other about the toys but I like to have a clear path to the closet since the only closet in the downstairs is in his room, it has 2 doors but you (or he) can walk between them inside the closet, so one half is mine & the other is his (his sister's rooms upstairs have their own closets which I hear are packed full I would prefer not to go look for myself thank you!) After that lovely mess was finished I changed sheets, nagged other people to change their sheets, washed & dried laundry all day long & ran around picking up & fixing broken things like the drawer in my coffe table that 'someone' broke off the front of I'm not sure who 'Not Me' & 'Ida Know' are but they're no longer welcome in my house because the break stuff every time they stop by! After I was sick of yelling & tired of going from room to room finding more stuff which was broken, filthy or in disaray miss 9 & I pulled out my box full of little bead drawers & I showed her how to make necklaces, I found to my dismay that I had only 1 beading needle so I couldn't do much while she was making her necklace so I sorted beads. which have been a mess for aproximately 6 years, the last time I remember doing much of anything with the beads was the Christmas after 6 was born when I made beaded crystals to hang on car rearview mirrors for everyone for gifts. messing with the beads along with making dinner took up the rest of the day, later the 4 of us looked at ghost pictures, played scrabble online & checked out a site called About which had a bunch of urban legends etc. we took a really neat quiz there which had a bunch of pictures, (some of which I have seen in emails) & you had to guess which were real & which were fake. (everyone liked the giant ant a lot)
It was all in all a pretty good day in spite of the weather. Everyone was a little disappointed because 2 weeks ago today it was over 80 & in anticipation of beautiful weekends in the future I had said we'd go on our first hike of the season today. Then it snowed last night & today, though no accumulation, so no hike, as a matter of fact only 6 went outside today at all, the rest of us pretty much stayed in all day & 16 never even changed out of pajamas,(in her case sweats & a t shirt really) So weather permiting 2 weeks from now we'll be hiking on the parkway or down in Patrick county hiking by the river which is a favorite that I haven't been able to do for a few years due to being ill & then weak from being ill. It's nice to be able to do stuff again with out getting exausted & ending up with shaking knees!
Back to work for Monday 1 of my week on Sunday, as my boss says working 2 days, having 2 off then working 2 & having 1 off means it's always monday or friday! The good thing I didn't mention when writing about my pay raise last night is that they're giving us merit bonuses monthly now. yesterday was the end of the most recent monthly incentive & I'll know Thursday how I did (the info is available Tuesday but I'm not there) so far, after 3 weeks I'm at 'silver' which means if I maintain that I'll walk away with a $90. bonus on my first check in April & a 5% increase in my hourly pay for the next 4 weeks. if I make gold both figures are doubled & platinum would double the gold money but I doubt I'll ever make platinum, they always catch me on quality assurance between 9 & 11 am & I'm just not at my best then so my scores suffer, either way it's more money for my vacation which is what I've earmarked any money I make thru this promotion which is going on all year. Or so they tell us!

Choose Your Future
Now Playing: It's a Beautiful Day, By U2
Topic: Family Business

Being a mom is so challenging, especially when theres a ton of other things I'd like to be doing rather than hearing someones 6 times tables, listening to 'Pickles Helps Out' for the tenth time, but I'm it, so I do these things & hear all about how mean 'courtney' is or whoever it is this week. & then by the time I've got a few minutes to myself I'm so tired I have trouble keeping my head up to type. I know my mother had it worse, since she taught us at home & all she was always right there for everything. but of course with a child teacher ratio of 2 to 1 we got stuff done & over with in 4 or 5 hours & had the rest of the day to ourselves. At least in the early days when I actually did some school work, once I hit 15 or so I just read in my room & went to Piano Lessons, that was pretty much the extent of my schooling from then on. At least I'm not totally useless, I can always serve as a bad example to my kids. Mom is how not to be. They're learning too. 16 wants to go to college & get a job where she can make lots of money- she says. & I tell the little ones the same thing. choose a career & stick with it Don't waste your life in pursuit of fun & happiness, get a career you love, money & stability first then look for the rest, of couse they won't listen, I know this, I remember people telling me the same sort of thing & I thoought they were crazy. You learn these things too late to make any real difference, even if someone gave me the money I have no interest in anything to 'go back to school' for. The only thing I ever have found that looked remotely interesting was real estate but I have a problem with it in that it can end up promoting the ruination of places like where I live, new housing starts are at an alarming high here, I read last summer in the local paper that the county had something like 150 development plans in the works when at the same time last year there were 60. I hate to see the hills & mountaintops becoming dotted with houses, roads being put in where fields were & logging roads being paved for houses to be built along them. This is why I moved here, to get away from the constant ruining of the landscape, tearing down the mountains to bring in a couple more. I would not consider a new house because of this. I wanted an exsisting structure because at least it's less intrusion on the landscape, Someone put it here, (in 1960 in my case) I'm just using it now that they're done with it. So that's one reason I don't feel like I could be a realtor. The other is that it's an effort for me to talk to people, I am horrible at small talk & can very happily pass whole days with out talking to anyone but the cat. (it helps that the cat is not a smartass like my customers on the phone at work) The thing I like about realty is that I love houses, floor plans & decor & love to see what people have done with their places, I still go to realtor.com at least once a week to check out the houses in my area because I love looking at virtual tours & pictures of the inside etc. A friend at work asked me to point him toward some places in my area because he want's to get his wife & kid out of where they live now before it gets worse & at first I was dubious he said to me 'You lucked out with your place, find me something like that.' & so I went home, looked & found him about 6 places online in his price range! he was supposed to go check some out yesterday & I'm looking forward to Sunday when we're both at work together again to see how it went! Annother stressful day at work, made a little better (but only a little) by finding out what my 6 months raise is going to be: (a whopping 26 cents (!!!) the worst I've ever recieved was a dime so I can't complain, hey, in a 80 hour paycheck that's a $20.80 increase, that's enough to keep me in Sobe for the whole 2 weeks til the next paycheck! (See what I mean? If I'd had a calling & become a lawyer or something I'd be drinking 8 Sobe a day & not even thinking about what they cost!)

What Goes Around Comes Around
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: in my head: The 59th street Bridge Song, aka Feelin' Groovy
Topic: Family Business
& Why am I feeling groovy???
Well, as allways, I am happy when I'm vindicated & oh man I am so vindicated today.
Last night I got home from work after working an hour of overtime (trying to make up for missing work on 2/12 due to snow.)& was tired, I decided to just check my email, post something I already had typed up & go to bed. Well I don't allways check my junk email but I happened to & surprise surprise there was a little note from mrs'sc'this is my ex husbands current wife! So I checked it out with no little trepidation, for all I knew she could have found out & been mad about our little indiscretion back in 2001 after we'd been seperated for over 6 months. He had told me she knew about it but with him if you divide what he tells you in half & then that half is divided again you're probably close to the truth. which is the same reason when he told me over instant messenger that they were seperated & had been for 6 months already I was a little skeptical. Well her note was amusing to me who has been through hell & high water in the 9+ years my ex & I were together & more hell since he has been gone. It turns out they are seperated. he's in Kuwait she says but this is an emotional seperation not just the physical one imposed by his millitary silliness. And ooohhh is she PISSED!!! It turns out he had fed her a bunch of B.S told her I was a psycho & that he was always faithful to me (she pointed out that she 'finds it hard to believe that he never cheated on you for 10 years and then gets with me and he can't keep his dick in his pants.' With apologies to S because she never saw him coming & I can't fault her- she didn't know anything about him except what he told her- (Though the fact that his own mom barely speaks to him is telling) I have to laugh out loud, every time I think about it I just giggle.. She apologized to me because he told her when they met that we'd been legally seperated for over a year already (try 4 months & 2 months after that & into their relationship he came here & tried to get back together with me - with him in Illinois at the time with her. & I & the kids in VA I guess he figured he could pull it off.- that's the previosly mentioned indiscretion I was worried about her knowing about...lol) I resolved her worries on that since I really didn't care, luckily he didn't have me so snowed after 9+ years of living with him that I couldn't see even after only 6 months with out him that I was a lot better off without him. (Just the steady paycheck that I brought in was better than his work 6 weeks, take 2 months off & go back to work when we were about to starve to death or loose the electricity mode of work) So she asked me a lot of questions on what exactly went on during my marriage & how he acted during it & since then. I only answered a few last of her questions night partly because of being tired partly because after all this time I don't fully trust him enough to belive that he hasn't put her up to this to get me to say unpleasant things about him or get close enough to her to say or do something which he could use against me in trying to take my kids away from me. (don't roll your eyes - I'm not paranoid, the spring before last (2004) he called his whole family individually & tried to get each of them to come to my trailer while I wasn't home & make a list of everything wrong with it, take pics of the falling down ceiling & sagging floors so he could use them to 'prove I was keeping his kids in unsafe living conditions' never mind that he insisted we move there & lived there for 16 months with us before he left me!! never mind that he had not paid a cent of child support in 3 years at that point! Lucky for me his family knows him & has been here watching me go thru all I've been thru & they know the real deal on all of this & told him hell no & within 12 hours I got 4 phone calls from different people in his family letting me know about this attempt on his part to wreak havoc. Anyway, I don't trust him any further than I can throw him & am not entirely convinced that it's not all an elaborate ruse on his part as I said!! So I'm taking it slow... emailing back with a few little things, all in the distant past & other than mentioning how much the kids & I love the new house I bought with my own income last spring barely mentioning the present. I do feel for her, this is not the first time I've been in this position. The girl he left me for whom he left when he went into the Navy came to me a few weeks after he had left upset about his lack of attention & it turned out when we did get letters they were nearly identical. he told me he wanted to work things out & told her he wanted to marry her when he finished bootcamp! I am handling the whole thing a lot better this time, I take it all as an amusing story not anything to get emotional about at all- but I am 'feelin' groovy' just the same!