Why Am I Here?

I was reading annother Local blog which had an entry about people coming
from other areas, thinking this was a good place to settle & on the
considerations they should take under advisement, I remember Chrissy
writing to me when I was planing to move here & bring my boyfriend, who
became my Husband & is now my Ex, with me. & she said you really need to
warn him what it's like, most people don't love it here like we do. I
fell in love in 1987 with this place & never looked back. Everything
thrilled me, From the maximum safe speed signs on the curves to the
taking my own trash in the trunk of the car to the dumpsters. (made more
sense to me than saving my trash up for a week & then debating the do I
take it out at night & run the risk of local dogs getting into it? or
attempt to get up early enough in the morning to get it out before the
trash truck goes by & then I have 2 weeks of trash next time? question) I
have never minded losing electricity in a thunder storm or a snow/ice
storm, I loved it as a kid because it meant everyone in my family would
be together & not watching tvs- or reading, each in their own room.
(though the 2 weeks in February 1994 did give even me pause to
reconsider) I fell in love with the mountains the minute it was light
enough to see them on my first day here back in 1987. I could not get
over how much nicer, easy going & polite everyone was here as opposed to
in my home state of Massachusetts, it was what I'd been looking for my
whole life, I had thought, originally Maine or New Hampshire or Vermont,
But when I went there & visited places I found people to be more laid
back but also kindof unfriendly, introverted & distrustful in the
northern New England states. Here everyone was willing to stop & pass the
time of day & take the time to talk to you. Being naturally or maybe I
should say genetically shy it was an amazing feeling to have people ask
me friendly questions. I, being a history lover was thrilled to find a
pharmacy with a lunch counter, drive up resturants & tiny grocery stores
with 5 or 6 asiles which still gave out green stamps. Just like I had
heard my parents & grandparents reminisce about.
I don't have allergies, (unless you count liars & my ex) though I may be
beginning to develop them.
I, being overweight belive midnight cravings are best ignored or anticipated.
I grew up in a home with a septic system & while we did have a well it
wasn't our actual source of water, it was an old well which I was allowed
to draw water from with a bucket on a clothesline up until I was 12 or 13
& my brother started tying the dog in that general area. then, when I was
15 or 16 they covered the well with a breezeway porch.
I don't mind driving 28 miles to work & back each day, I've read a ton of
really great books on tape that way & I belive it gives me a chance to
de-stress & decompress after my work day so I'm less likely to take my
work-stress out on the people at home.The same drive on a day off to shop
is not a problem for me either. sometimes I just take it philosophically,
If I can't find it in town here then I don't really need it that much.

I found, when I moved down here in 1993for what I thought was my
permanent relocation that there were lots of things I hadn't even known
about in 1987 & '88 that were really wonderful, I was only on the Blue
Ridge Parkway 2 times the first time I came here, the 2nd time I
practically lived there. I had a 3 year old & lived in a 1 bedroom
apartment with her & the space up on the parkway was a much needed relif
valve for both of us. I Don't make friends easily, (though compared to my
mother & grandmother I'm downright gregarious) but both of the first 2
times I was here I forced myself to become more outgoing. I was able to
connect with people I'd met in 87 again in 93 & 94, & Chrissy moved back
down not too long after I came back in 93, in 94 my ex & I got married &
his family ended up moving in with us a few weeks after our marriage.
this has turned out to be a really good thing in the long run because I
still count them as some of my many friends here but at the time the
stress nearly fractured our marriage before it even got started, about 6
months after they moved down we moved back to Mass. We tried to make it
up there, we really did, met a few really great people (you know who you
are!) But even with both of us working full time we did not have enough
money to get out on our own (we were living with my grandmother) after
our first daughter was born my ex wanted to bring her to meet her
grandparents & the rest of his family so we came for a visit, after the
visit we both started yearning to come back here. After yet annother of
his many serial affairs we decided to make a clean break & come back to
Virginia. That was in 1997 & though I've been back 5 out of 9 years for
visits to Mass I don't have any desire to move back there permanently at
all. When I came here I knew for sure I was truly home.

Annother Self Portrait (sort of)
Topic: Self Portrait Tuesday

Famous Bands I've seen Chronological order, first first
Now Playing: Wish you were Here by Incubus
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
1 Preservation Hall Jazz Band too many times to count 2 Iron Maiden & Twisted Sister (1983 Worcester Centrum) 3 Joan Jett & the Blackhearts & David Johansen (1985 Orpheom Boston) 4 The Firm (1985 Worcester) 5 AC/DC (1986 The Boston Garden- I was 16 my brother was 12 & I took him but would not take his best friend who ended up being my ex- he's held a grudge ever since) 6 The Firm again (Providence Rhode Island Civic Center) 7 Max Creek (1991 Living Room Providence RI) 8 Mettalica, Guns & Roses & Faith No More (1992 Sullivan Stadium with the ex, we heard Faith no More but didn't see them because he didn't like them & we had been delayed, -Massachusetts state cops can read lips you know...) 9 The Greatful Dead at RFK stadium Washington DC, 1993. 10 ZZ Top & George Thorogood (1994 Roanoke Civic Center) 11 Tori Amos (may 1996- some college in NH, a mothers day present from the ex, I was 8 months pregnant) 12 Cheap Trick (Fall 1996- free concert in Boston, I didn't actually see them, I had 4 month old baby with me but my then 6 year old & my ex went down to where they were playing & saw them- I could hear them just fine though) 13 Rush ( xmas time 1996 The new Fleet center Best ever because I LOVE Rush) 14 Bon Jovi & Peter Wolf (summer of 1997 great woods, my only concert at great woods) 15 Slaughter (summer/Fall of 1997 (some bar in Nashua or Manchester NH - we saw annother band there that summer too but I can't rememeber who...lol & no, I was not drunk, I was the DD it was our last gasp before moving back to VA & the ex & I tried to see every band we could see.

Summing it all up
Now Playing: Gasoline by Audioslave
Topic: Family Business

All in All it could have been a lot worse, The Ex's visit went off flawlessly, we all went bowling on Tuesday & they aparently left at 3 am Wednesday morning so I got my Wednesday to myself (or to the kids & Chrissy & Samantha - we went bowling too) the downside is my vacation to Massachusetts this summer has to be moved back by 2 weeks, originally it was supposed to be June 28 to July 12, now it's going to be July 11 thru July 26, which the kids are especially upset about, but it's not anything I can change, they only let you borrow 1 paid day off & because I took one for the Ex's visit I have to earn annother day before we can leave, I've tried multiple configurations of borrowed days, swaped days etc. but this is the only one which makes sense, because I work 2 days, have a day off & then work 2 more & have 2 days off, taking 1 day off instead of 2 makes no sense because if I take 1 then I have to work 1 & have 1 or 2 off again.
Things could have been much worse, I definitley felt his attitude a bunch, he was pretty obvious that he thought my house too small & dumpy. I don't much care, I like it & that's all that matters really. I'll be surprised if he does a whole lot better that I. His last comment about the house thing was that they're going to use his vetrans benifits to buy his Mom's doublewide. No offense to my Mother in law (especially since I love her place & think the views from her place are spectacular) I'm still glad I have a house not a doublewide... Also I didn't mention it to him but I know from when I was buying my place that you have to have a down payment of 20% to purchase a manufactured home of any kind which is already in use, it's easier to get your own new one on a piece of property than to buy someone's used doublewide!

68 Questions
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense

1. What time did you get up this morning? 9:35

2. Diamonds or pearls? neither, Emeralds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Yeah, right. It might have been What Dreams May Come & I still owe the ex a movie because I told him if he didn't like it I'd treat him to annother movie later to make up for it.

4. What is your favorite TV show? Medium

5. What did you have for breakfast? a soy protein shake

6. What is your middle name? Carleton

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Italian

8. What food do you dislike? Peanut Butter

9. Favorite chips? No Chips, Barbara's cheese puffs, jalapeno

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Audioslave's first

11. What kind of car do you drive? 2001 Chrysler PT Cruiser

12. What characteristics do you despise? Lying, Cheating, Insincerity & Snottyness

13. Favorite item of clothing? Comfy Nightgowns

14.If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? UK

15. What color is your bathroom? Mauve

16. Favorite brand of clothing? Stuff that fits, no brand

17. Where would you retire? Right here where I am

18. Favorite time of day? Evening to Late night

19. Where were you born? Melrose Wakefield Hospital, Melrose Mass

20. Favorite sport to watch? Hockey

22. Person you expect to send this back first? Since it's going on my blog I'd like to get links to anyone who does it.

23. What laundry detergent do you use? Purex= Cheap

24. Coke or Pepsi? Coke, Diet Coke

25. Are you a morning person or night owl? Night Owl

26. What size shoe do you wear? 10

27. Do you have pets? A Cat Who is evil & psychotic

28. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with your friends? The Ex is Gone! Bad news: he says he's coming back for Xmas

29. What (who) did you want to be when you were little? A Teacher or a Farmers Wife

30. Favorite Candy Bar? Pepermint Patty

31. What is your favorite childhood memory? Too many to list I remember having a lot of fun out in the woods behind my house though

32. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? Dunkin Donuts counter girl, waitress in a seafood resturant, ran fresh fish counter at same seafood resturant, cashier in multiple stores, pizza & grill cook, stitcher in line at clothing factory, inspector of clothes at clothing factory, housekeeper in nursing home, library support staff, tech support/customer service rep inbound calls.

33. What color underwear are you wearing? underwear? yeah, right.

34. Nicknames? Becky, Beckles, Rebecky, Beckala

35. Piercing? Ears only so far

37. Ever been to Africa? Nope but I have hopes

38. Ever been toilet papering? No, But I'm closely related to someone who has!

39. Love someone so much it made you cry? Yes

40. Been in a car accident? Yes

41. Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons

42. Favorite day of the week? Any Day I don't work (Saturday, Tuesday & Wednesday)

41. Favorite restaurant? Kabukis or El Grande Rodeo (or in New England: Markeys, Themis, Aris)

44. Favorite flower? Most but especially Peonys, Irises, Daffodils,

45. Favorite ice cream? New york fudge brownie. by Ben & Jerrys

46. Disney or Warner Brothers? to watch, warner brothers, never been to either theme park though so I couldn't say

47. Favorite fast food restaurant? Pretty sick of all of them

48. What color is your bedroom carpet? Beige

49. How many times did you fail your driver's test? once because the guy was a sexist pig & told me women shouldn't trouble themselves with stick shift cars! (that's all my parents had so I didn't have much choice)

50. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? This was not an email, but my last email was from My Mother

Where are questions 51 & 52???

53. Bedtime? 1130 on work nights, 1 or 2 am on nights I don't have to get up early after

54.Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? I couldn't say

55. Last person you went to dinner with? Chrissy & Samantha & my kids

56. Ford or Chevy? Ford

57. What are you listening to right now? My kids playing some odd Polly Pocket/Spiderman legos fusion game. (not as weird as the Thomas the Tank Engine/Barbie one though, let me tell you...)

58. What is your favorite color? Teal, aquamarine, & most shades of green & blue

59. Lake, Ocean, River? To Swim in? what are we looking for here? I like them all.

60. How many tattoos do you have? 3. all hand done by me.

61. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? A little birdie told me dinosaurs had eggs before chickens

63. Favorite Cocktail? Blue Motorcycle

64. Where would you go for a girl's weekend get-a-way? Have no idea

65. What would you do if you had to select another career? Pick something less stressful...ha ha.

66. Republican or Democrat? Democrat/independent

67. Favorite Family Vacation? Massachusetts in the summer

68. All Time Favorite Concert? HMMM it would have to be Rush at the Fleet Center in 1996 (or maybe that was 95? the ex couldn't remember what year it was either so I don't feel so bad)

A Status Report on the Only Thing On My Mind Currently
Now Playing: Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds
Topic: Family Business
Yeah, he's here, so is Chrissie, She's been a great support, though it really has not been too bad yet. They spent yesterday, Easter, with his Brother's family & their Dad, his wife & their son. The worst part was on my way to the house after a 10 hour work day I saw the car with the WI liscence plates rolling towards me on the road & it kept going, it was dark & I could not see who or how many people were in the car, I immediately remembered all the times I have heard him say, 'well fine, I'll just take the kids to WI & the WI laws will apply & I'll have custody' I almost turned around & followed the car but I called my Brother in law & acted like I was just letting him know I was on my way & he immediately told me the Ex & miss9 had just taken a run to the store but mr6 & his 5 year old son were playing together as we spoke. I felt very relieved & my hands had almost stopped shaking by the time I arrived at the house, I hung out & waited for them to come back from the store, made plans for mr6 to go with his uncle & cousin fishing in a few weeks on a sunday- which I'm sure he'll love.
The Ex is as usual morose & bitter & grouchy. Even when he's trying to be caring towards the kids it comes out as commands & threats.
No major confrontations last night, we behaved ourselves. Today was also non eventful in the arguing, cutting remarks & rude asides categories too, though I definitley got the feeling he was inspeecting my house for dirt, grime & unsafe things (the ladder stairs to the girl's bedrooms were inspected at length to the point where I offered to have him build some steps there if he'd like since he'd be cheaper than a handyman. He declined) We actually had a pretty good time because his new wife has been through the wringer with him lately & so we kind of ganged up on him & teased him a little.
The ETD (estimated time of departure) was supposed to be Tuesday, now it's being moved around & may be Wednesday or Thursday, I'm not too pleased about that let me tell you!

Thirteen Reasons to Stay Away from my EX
Topic: Thursday Thirteen
1 he's a liar
2 he's not writing or emailing to the kids regularly- out of sight out of mind
3 Shannon, Tracy, Teresa & all the others he was cheating on me with while telling me I was out of my mind to think he would ever cheat.
4 he's having problems with his current wife &, I've heard from her that he's cheated on her too
5 he tries to gather information on me & how I'm raising the kids in order to use it against me
6 he judges how I'm raising the kids because he thinks I should be sterner, meaner & have more control over them.
7 I've only met 1 person in my whole life who was a better chameleon than him.
8 He didn't pay a cent of child support for 4 years & still expects me to praise him now that the government is forcing him to do so by taking it away from him.
9. he's a bully.
10. he's an alcoholic.
11. he had a bad childhood & still uses it as an excuse at 32.
12. he knows he had a bad childhood & would rather use it to explain/excuse what he does wrong rather than rising above it & overcoming his knee jerk responses.
13. he has no conscience whatsoever.
And yet, There's not a thing I can do to keep him from coming here...

Still Stuck on the Same page...
Now Playing: Passive by A Perfect Circle
Topic: Family Business
The computer came home (finally) on monday evening, I pretended to my ex & a few other people that I didn't hook it right up monday when I got home but I did. I've been catching up since then. The ex had left an email on 4/7 saying he was coming the 12th. I hadn't heard from him since, there was only the 1 email on the 7th & nothing else either way. So thinking it was because he was in transit I went into panic mode & cleaned the house, changed my schedule at work, I had hounded my boss through sunday & monday to get me the 17th off. Then when I got the email from the ex that he was coming early I called work to change that & was told I had to come in & do it in person & thursday, the next day I work, wasn't enough notice to do so. I went in there & ended up face to face with the Director of the place who approved my day off with out a pause, originally he was going to set up for me to have both friday & monday, but I said no, friday should do it...
Open mouth, insert foot. Now this morning I get up & there's an email from the ex saying oh, change of plans I'm getting home the 14th, we'll be there the 16th!!
I'm going to let my boss sort it out with the Director tommorow when we're back to work.
Let me just state for the record that I wish my ex would either drop out of my kids lives altogether (no big loss considering how seldom he calls or writes or sees them:2002, 2004 & 2006-if he shows up) Or would move back to this state & file for visitation so we're on a regular schedule where I can say to the kids, ok, Dads going to be here to get you Tuesday, Thursday & next weekend etc.
The thing that really upsets me is the knowledge that he may have been messing with me just to mess with me...No one else in the family had heard of any changes in his schedule but me. Which made me wonder about it at the time, but my work is so psychotic about days off & having to request them in advance & all, that I went & changed my day off.
There are bright sides to the whole thing though, my drive to work at 530 last night with all 3 kids was a pretty drive with the sun in a different position from where it is on my way to work in the morning. Then after my business was taken care of we went to dinner at a mexican resturant which I really love. & then we went & got a push broom & some other odds & ends, wasp spray especially. At the big chain hardware store with the blue sign.
Then on the way home everone (but me) thought we needed desert, since my car needed oil though I stopped at a store & got everyone ice cream treats & a good time was had by all on a night that would otherwise have included homework, showers & negotiating online time for 4 people 2 of whom only want to play games & should be doing their homework.
It really was a nice night, the sort of impromtu thing we used to do a lot of before I bought the house & had more money because when I was in the trailer I paid $150. a month lot rent & once I got up over 10 bucks an hour there was plenty of money for most stuff...

Becky's vanity plate:

MAKMLAF

'What will your vanity plate say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Thirteen things about my childhood
Topic: Thursday Thirteen


1. I have 2 cousins with in a year of my age who were my first friends, from birth forward, I'm friends still with 1 of them. the other is too annoying!
2. I grew up from age 2 forward in the same house with my parents & my mothers parents, My Grandparents had their own living room & bedroom suite.
3. I was homeschooled
4. before that I went to 2 free schools, 1 is now defunct, the other is still a model for free schools the world over called: Sudbury Valley School

5. I had only 1 sibling, my brother, he killed himself in 1989 at age 16
6. I was pretty spoiled as a young child & even when older, though I didn't think I was spoiled I know now my parents were pretty open handed & easy going (at least on rules & letting me do what I wanted- watching tv, staying up to 4 am reading or watching tv etv...)
7. though I was spoiled etc in some ways in others I was smothered & put down, I was naturally loud, exuberant etc. & though that sometimes pops through still. I smother myself with worry about being too loud, sounding too crazy, being too wild... all of which I know are tapes I heard every day as a kid from my mother...
8. I read a ton from a very early age (3) & at my height 10-15 years of age I could read a book (a thick one like a stephen king book in a day & a half.
9. I Loved history from an early age too...old things, knowing that someone was there before, the house I grew up in had been in my mothers' fathers' family since it was built & that had a lot to do with it.
10. I was very precocious too.
11. I took swimming lessons every year but didn't ever get my lifesaving because I finished at 13 & you had to be 15 to take the lifesaving test, by the time I was 15 I was off doing other things.(drinking, hanging out. You know, Important things!!)
12 we heated with wood in our kitchen & my brother & I helped cut & haul wood every fall...I thought this was fun then. In 1997 & 1998 my ex & I rented a house with only a wood stove for heat & I found there's not a damn fun thing about it at all (& it's so dirty too)
13. I kept a diary from age 11 onwards but my writing was so messy even I can't make out more than half of the words in any of them (I have like 20 of them)

Facing my addiction
Now Playing: The Sweetest Thing by U2
Topic: Rambling on
So this is floating in cyberspace to be posted on day 1 of my exile from my computer, it hasn't worked right in weeks, when we're on instant messenger - doesn't matter which one- we look like we're off. I can't change my desktop from a blank screen, though I can change the color of the screen. that stays. (& I can change the administrator settings, just not my own. & I don't know how to move things between my settings & the administrator because If I could conveniently move a lot of this stuff to there where only I know the password I would move them & leave these settings to the kids...) Anyway, the computer's funky & a coworker who fixes computers in his spare time has offered to try to fix it pro bono. But he doesn't want to drive all the way to my house so I've got to bring it to work & he's going to try to have it back in a day (we have different days off) 3 at the most...due to our schedules it's either 1 or 3. I hope he can do something with it we've never had audio thru the computer & I don't even know where to look to know if I have an audio card... As Important as music is to me you'd think it would have been my first concern.
Because I didn't have a computer untill just last year (thanks J) I didn't really get to do any downloading in the illegal sense back when it was legal. So I didn't get addicted. When friends did show me how they did this all I could think was this has 'got' to be illegal!
I'm sure I'll miss having the computer for 2 or 3 days, but I'm sure I'll get a lot done. hell, as I type this I'm typing it on word pad because my satellite internet is down. This is the first time ever that there's been a problem & I'll be at 2 months tommorow (the tommorow on the day you're reading this, not the true tommorow as I'm writing it!) I was a little worried it was my end but I rebooted, reset the modem & all the modem lights are flashing as if they were ok. Then after an hour (I'm patient about technical stuff, I work in tech support after all) I tried to call & got an all circuts are busy message & then I got thru to the phone tree, but when I selected Technical support I got a busy signal & I have never had a problem reaching them before (before I got installed they sent me a cd rom of virus protection but the sent the wrong one, it was a training cd rom for installers (!) so I have called them before & it took 5 minutes to get thru. So I know it's got to be on their end.) So on to the laundry I need to fold. & then over the weekend if it's not rainy we're supposed to hike, if it is rainy we'll probably do craft stuff 'cause I have a bunch of projects I'm itching to do but haven't had time for since we got online because, of course, this is more interesting than painting a welcome sign for beside my front door (even if I finish it I won't hang it untill after my ex has come & gone- Don't want him to think he's welcome!)

(& annother thing, would you belive he's online on yahoo instant messenger & beside his name it says "busy fighting a war be back soon" what a crock.)

Too Funny
Now Playing: Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads
ok I usualy don't just post random links but I was reading someone else's blog & this was just too funny to pass up, yes, it's a shameless promotion for a prescription drug but it's really cute & just: TOO Funny

annother 20 questions
Now Playing: Happy? by Mudvane
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
1. Who was your first prom date? No prom, I was homeschooled & missed out on all that pomp & circumstance. for which I was profoundly grateful for at the time but think now I have no universal memory like the rest of my peers at least in the U.S.

2. Who was your first roommate? Chrissy...19 Berkley Road Hull Mass...1 block from the ocean & right next door to hell (to hear the neighbors tell it they were next door to hell being next door to us though) What a wild year! - ok 9 months!

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? Vodka & Fruit Punch. With Chrissy...Also the night of my first kiss & because I was drunk I do not remember my first kiss- A life lesson I have done very well in remembering...next day Chris dropped me off at home & I went out with my father & brother while hung over... don't have a clue where we went either, I just remember being in the car feeling sick & it being very hot....years later when I told my father I was hung over he was amazed & could not belive I could possibly have been.

6. What was your first job? pre taxes: Babysitting for my aunt & uncle.at their house, 25 bucks a week & room & board. free cable in my room & saturdays & sundays off.
post taxes: Dunkin Donuts pouring coffee & serving donuts...ugh

5. What was your first car? 1978 Plymouth Arrow. this is where I learned the life lesson that 4 cylinder cars should not have automatic transmissions! at least not if they're 10 years old & have been driven in the mountians for their whole lives.

6. When did you go to your first funeral? Memorial Service: at age 8 I was an acolyte at my church & was asked to do the service. real funeral? I guess my Brothers graveside service would qualify so I was 20.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown? 15 if you count moving in with the aforementioned aunt & uncle. 18 when I moved here to VA for 3 months...

8. Who was your first grade teacher? Hallie, though we didn't label it as first grade, that was too limiting...as you can see we also didn't belive in the ms or mrs labels either. we were all on a first name basis....lol, though I admit I'm still more comfortable that way myself, I hate it when my kid's friends try to call me mrs anything (that's my (ex) step mother in law..not me)

9. Where did you go on your first airplane ride? at 24 to Houston Texas with my ex & my oldest kid who was 2 then & did not like the pressure "ok," she said as the plane took off, "that's enough, I want to get OFF NOW" my ex & I were laughing so hard we couldn't even speak to her. We went there to get my mother who'd been living there for awhile & was driving back, she flew us down to spell her in the driving, when I tell people on the phone at work who are from Texas, when they ask if I've ever been to Texas. That I've only been to Houston, they tell me not to judge Texas by Houston! I think that's funny 'cause I saw nothing wrong with Houston.

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was with you? I never had to sneak out of the house, my mother was at work & my father upstairs in his den. They also (probably stupidly) trusted me.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends always? My cousin Jenn was really my first best friend. for non-related people, it was Heather & no, it was one of those friends because our parents were friends things (we were a year old) & the last time I saw her we were 10 or so.... We were supposed to get together after my Brother died but after 2 years of missing each other's calls, & not being able to find each others places (that was me, I hate driving around Brockton MA) we sortof gave it up.

12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents house? Hull with Chrissy, (See #2)

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? Call? The reason I have a bad day is because I'm on the phone with a headset on my head listening to people bitch. The last thing I do after a bad day is call someone....(if it's a bad day that was not work related I'd probably call my Grandmother- even at 88 she's got a great way of taking things as she come & I'm glad she's rubbed off on me over the years)

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen? Never have been a bridesmaid, I was a flower girl when I was 3 or 4 though, & the only thing I remember is the bride grabbing me (during the wedding at the front of the church) by the shoulders & planting me in one spot hissing 'stay still' I sincerely hope I didn't ruin the wedding.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning? Make sure everyone has coats on & their knapsacks, this is from my bed as they go out the door....

16. What was the first concert you ever went to? Preservation Hall Jazz Band at the south shore music circus, I think they took me in utero even....Concert I cared about: Iron Maiden & Twisted Sister at the Worcester Centrum

17. First tattoo or first piercing? 15 years old, on my left thigh above my knee, a heart, all because I'd watched Escape from New York on hbo that night & was really in love with that snake on his belly, I wanted to know just where that snake ended....lol...

18. First celebrity crush? Davy Jones of the Monkees.

19. First crush? JH from my church.

20. First love? Ugh...I mean Doug. My oldests dad...We all have our lessons to learn He taught me well...

Self Portrait Tuesday
Topic: Self Portrait Tuesday

Ok, I promised myself I would not do any more 'days' with asigned themes, but I can do this...it won't take much after all...
& if I break my self promise now I won't feel so bad when I get around to doing memory mondays!

">Self Portrait Tuesday

The Ex Cometh
Now Playing: Changes By Black Sabbath
Topic: Rambling on
I left work early back on Friday, I was feeling Ill & on top of that my ex's threatened visit was really putting me into a tailspin. My house is a mess, my yard is a mess, I'm broke, I have broken windows & can't figure out how to take the boards that hold the windows in their frames off to take the windows out & repair them (or how to keep the rope & weight system, that keeps them up when they're open, intact so they'll still work when I'm thru with the glass change)& the night before I got a harsh email from the ex. Being himself & mad because I have a problem with unsupervised visitation & have made it clear that he'll see the kids with me or at his Moms or Brothers houses only. I have had reservations about even having him at my house, so far he dosen't even know where I live now. So I went home early & cleaned house, got no further on the window issue but at least the house was clean, even the cobwebs came off the ceilings (I'm not much of a housekeeper generally) Then I went to my kids school, they have copies of the custody orders & know he's not allowed to take them anywhere but I wanted to give them a heads up about the visit, especially since he was making a fuss about wanting to talk to their classes about his alleged Iraq visit, the school told me addressing the classes was by invitation only & he was not invited(!) then I got an apology from him via email,(glad I have this one stored, I've only had a couple in 14 years so it's a treasure) he blamed his hateful, mean email on the stress of being in Iraq & then slipped it in that he or they are coming almost 2 weeks earlier than he originally said. Now he can't even give me a date for sure. maybe arount the 13th, maybe closer to the 17-18. He's just not sure, I really have my doubts that the military does things this haphazardly. I realize that they might make leaves a little random but it seems that since we're talking about less than 14 days notice for a supposed 15 day time off that they'd have pinned it down by now (at the very least for the military's own convenience) So once again, I have to come to the conclusion that this is just annother B.S. attempt like so many others to put me in a unbalanced, uncomfortable space of mind. Or maybe I just THINK it is? with him you can never tell. Now today I get annother email with all kinds of assurances that he would not, ever, think about taking the kids away from me, he doesn't want to do 10 years for kidnapping etc. (all valid points I admit) but I know him well enough after living with him for 9+ years & knowing him for 24, that I know he belives himself to be invincible & thinks that if he doesn't want to be found he won't be found. Of course, the real kicker in this one is that I don't actually belive he's in the military so all his assurances that he'd be court martialed etc. are not in the least impressive to me! We shall see what happens though, at the least I'll be interested to see his wife face to face in light of her emails back in February. I hope after what I wrote to her back then it is clear to her now that I have no designs on getting him back & would rather shoot him for tresspassing than have him back in my home & so she can hopefully overcome some of her jealousy. (the other 2 times they've come for a visit -2002 & 2004- we've all done things together with the kids & I have strived to keep things light, friendly & fun. But have heard thru the grapevine later that she thought I was too friendly & was flirting with him etc. Anyone who know's me knows I do not flirt. ever. & I certainly do not want that JackA** back! She's welcome to him & all the sorrow that goes with him!)