Annother weekend, almost over & I don't have a damn thing to show for it except a pile of hair on the floor & a bunch of clean laundry waiting to be folded. I haven't worked on my embroidery, haven't weed whacked the front yard, which is my only form of lawnmowing right this minute (don't have any money for gas & the weedwhacker is electric) I did make a nice dinner last night, finaly cut miss 10's hair & since while I was cutting, Chrissie was here I cut her hair too, at her request & even trimmed her daughter's hair for her too. The before & after photos are here of course. Though I admit the pictures don't show a lot of difference between before & after for Chrissie at least, it was more noticeable in person. miss 10 though, her's lightens her face up noticeably. It was nice to cut one of my kids hair & not have them in tears afterwards, I refuse to cut miss 16's hair any more because we had this thing go on where she'd come to me with a picture of what she wanted, I'd cut it & then she wouldn't like it, either it was shorter than she wanted or it was not what she expected or something but she would always be sorry after I cut her hair. I understand that though, I'm usualy sorry after I go to a hairdressers & have a haircut myself, the last time I did was back in 2004 & it was so awful I haven't even had it cut since then, I've taken to trimming the ends myself to keep them healthy & that's it. I don't cut hair often, when I was pregnant with miss 10 I went to cosmetology school & then, since I was having her & keeping us all fed & housed was more important than getting my cosmetology liscence (we didn't have the fee to do the test) I never did anything with it, then, the next year in 1997 we moved down here to Virginia & I found out that while MA requires 1000 hours of school VA requires 1500 & we never had the money for me to go complete those 500 hours. I went to school for cosmetology because it seemed like a good job, reasonably well paying, different stuff all the time & becuase my Grandmother wanted me to, she's always said she'd like for me to be able to do her hair & nails so she wouldn't need to go out & have it done if she didn't want to & we lived with her at that point so it seemed like a good idea. I found while in school that my personality is not really suited to this, that I'm not very outgoing & talkative & that it was rather stressful cutting peoples hair & being expected to make smalltalk. I did like the work, mixing colors, doing the hair cuts, rolling the perms, that part is pretty fun but after a few years of being out of it I didn't have any real call to go back to it (the student loan payments which I'm still paying off today  - because while my ex & I were together we did not have the money to pay on them- are something of a rebuke though) anyway, it was fun doing 3 haircuts last night!
  Today I got more laundry washed, cleaned up the dishes from last night, (I hate doing dishes & Company coming over was a great excuse to avoid finishing them last night) Ate brunch (slept too late to call it breakfast) & have been messing around on here since then, Yesterday I went meme hunting so you can expect to see new ones, I'm going to attempt to keep it to 1 a week though becuase I consider them cheating in a way, though this stream of conciousness stuff isn't much better reading really. Well, the song that used to motivate me to go out & take a walk in the woods when I was a homeschooled teenager, reading in my bed all day every day, is playing from my computer telling me I need to get out & do something before my life is over like water under a bridge, I guess it's time to weed whack the front yard!

Am I Wrong here?
Now Playing: Its All I Can Do by the Cars
Topic: Family Business

Ok, now I consider myself a fairly lenient parent, I am easygoing on room cleanliness, bedtimes & TV viewing. I do require my 16 year old's help in watching her siblings while I'm at work & on my work days I do ask her to feed them,  keep the laundry moving from laundry basket, to washer to dryer (I fold it all, always) & do the dishes on my work days also. I pay her, I don't ask her to watch her sibs for free, I don't pay her a lot but at least it's something, most people I know who are oldest siblings (myself included) did not get paid for watching their younger brothers & sisters. 

  When 16 is invited, she is allowed to go out after I get home from work on Friday nights & to stay at friends overnight on Tuesday or Friday nights, school time or summertime, either way it's ok with me, it gets her out of my hair & makes her happier at the same time. 

I  would be the first to admit I'm rather anal when it comes to my sleep, I like to get 8-9 hours a night, more if possible, I'm a night owl but I know on a work night 7 am comes pretty damn early so I shoot for a 11 pm bedtime on nights when I have to get up for work the next day. Tonight at 10 pm 16 comes to me & says a friend who just got her licence is coming to get her & they're going out driving, how long can she stay out for? I looked at the clock & said half an hour, she wasn't happy but didn't argue too much, ( I get crabby fast, you want to argue about the amount of time I say you can forget about going at all) Next thing I hear is that the driving friend is staying overnight, not a big deal, they're pretty quiet, I bitch if they're not & she's lost the privledge of having friends over for weeks & months previously because of not being quiet so she's pretty respectful about that, when the friend arrived I said, since it was quarter past 10 & I'm a little caffeineated & probably won't be able to fall asleep at 11 anyway, that she could stay out until 11 if she wanted. Well, as usual, nothings ever quite enough. 

Not 15 minutes after she's left the house, she's calling me & asking me if she can stay out until midnight. No, she can't. She then procedes to argue with me about why am I always such a bitch, never let her do what she wants, etc, etc, etc, the usual 16 year old rant, I remember it from when I was 16 myself, (& 15, 17 & 18 too) 15 minutes later (early I might add- just what I want, more of her!) she stomps in the house, tries to kill me with her eyes & marches upstairs, 2 minutes later she's back in response to my question about where's the other girl? Oh, she's still staying the night, she'll be here at midnight when her own, regular curfew at home is! 

  Oh hell no she isn't, If I don't want to stay up until midnight worrying about where she is what makes her think I want to do so for her friend? Not a big deal according to her, I don't Need to worry about C, she'll be really quiet when she gets here at midnight, she promised. Sure, & what if she doesn't actually show up at midnight, what if she's driven over a cliff? what if she doesn't make a curve, I may not be from here, but when I got here I'd only had my licence for 4 months, I got my first car here in VA. In MA, I'd only been able to borrow my Mother's & Friend's Cars, I may have learned the basics, how to shift gears, brake & accelerate in my fathers VW Rabbit, but I really got my driving skills here & if that car hadn't been a nearly dead 1978 Plymouth Arrow with a 4 cylinder engine, an automatic transmission & no power to get any speed up at all I'd probably have died the first week!  The roads are curvy, slick when wet, people take the curves on the wrong side of  the road & sometimes, on the side of the road, to the right, there's a sheer drop, 15-20 feet is a small drop around here!

There was a guy, when my ex & I lived here & were getting ready to get married in 1993, who was on his way to work in Roanoke & never arrived, he was like, 50 or so at the time & neither he or the car turned up, they just assumed that he'd just left his live in girlfriend & gone somewhere else, though he didn't take anything but his wallet & lunch for work. They found him & his car on a hillside, in 2002, he had gone off the side of the road, over the cliff & into trees & no one, looking over the side of the cliff could see the car. from where the body was they said he survived the crash but was pretty messed up, he got out of the car but was unable to get to the road & died in the woods by the car, 9 years to find him! That's what it's like here though, I think of it all the time, driving to & from work, going places with the kids- down to Roanoke on the occasional shopping trip, going to Chrissies house, there are crosses & other handmade memorials on many many curves where people have lost their lives & I seriously don't want to be making a memorial to my kid on one of them. 

Of course when you're 16, you're invincible, you don't truly belive anything bad can happen to you, I know though, that it can & often does & though I try not to restrict her too much, I know all too well & can imagine all to easily all kinds of disasterous scenarios which could occour when she's out. 

 I have no conclusions to draw, maybe I'm overprotective, maybe I'm not protective enough, you have to let them go a little, my banner on my cell phone reminds me of that every day... (or it tries to at least) it says :                     Root & Wings
 

13 Books I loved as a kid (10-14)
Topic: Thursday Thirteen

1 The Witch Family
2 Half Magic
3 Depend on Katie John
4 Anything Trixie Belden
5 A House for Jonnie O
6 Sooner or Later/Waiting Games (companion books)
7 Are you There God? it's me Margaret
8 Haunted Houses
9 The Keeping Days series
10 The House With a Clock in its Walls
11 The Swing in the Summer house & The Diamond in the Window (companion
books)
12 Dave's Song
13 The Little House on the prairie set

Music, one of my favorite things...
Now Playing: Rock On by David Essex.
Topic: Rambling on

   Ann  (dated 6/1) Wrote a blog entry which I've been thinking about since I read it, it's about song lyrics & their meanings to her, I've been working on a mental list of my own, but it seems they all have really long explanations, I'm going to put a similar one out one of these days for the lyrics part, for now though I'll share part of something similar which I wrote in my diary at 16 or so... songs & what they made me think of! Comments in parentheses are current day explanations.
l
Boys Of Summer, by Don Henley, walking on the dirt bike trails in Haverhill, fall of 1984, (I lived with my uncle & aunt for 7 months of 84 as a live in babysitter & I found early on that when my uncle walked in the door at 6, if I didn't walk right out the door he'd get me to watch the kids some more 'since I wasn't doing anything' so I took to taking long walks on these dirt bike trails, listening to my walkman & daydreaming)

Over The Hills & Far Away, by Led Zeppelin, walking in the rain with my walkman (it seemed, for awhile if it was raining & I was walking this song would come on the radio- of course, in Mass you just have to turn the radio on & spin the dial & most any song you can think of comes on some station or annother- they have SO many up there! Here in Virginia, there's 2 stations I like & 6 I tolerate, I have 10 presets & not enough radio stations to fill them here!)

Call to the Heart, by Guiffria, (& if you remember this song- well, wow! I didn't remember it until I read it here in the diary!) Chrissy & her then boyfriend (this was in 1986) having a fight in her chevy malibu with about 4 other people in the car, we were on our way back to where he lived to take him back & 'never see him again' & this song came on the radio, she turned it up & of course, no one went home never to be seen again! (man, were WE sappy!)

What Does it Take? Honeymoon Suite, My cousin Jen got to, once, in our teenage years, come for a visit to my house for a weekend, it was great & this one hit wonder had it's moment in the sun right at that point so I remember the two together.

Whos Crying Now, by Journey, This is a really OLD one, the year it came out, 1981, My Uncle & Aunt took my Grandmother, their daughter, who was an infant at the time & Me to Salisbury Beach & this song was playing on the radio, My Aunt & Uncle were holding hands while it was on & I remember watching them & hoping I'd have a marriage like theirs (as opposed to like my parents loveless toleration) Of course, little did I know, they weren't destined to last either. (my personal opinion now? No one is- but maybe I'm bitter!)

The Breakup Song, by Greg Kihn, well, not my first breakup, I was 17 before I ever had a boyfriend, I loved the tune though, & I remember being bummed out because I didn't have a boyfriend to break up with!

Can't Find My Way Home, by Blind Faith, this is a song which I think I've known my whole life, this & American Pie by Don Mclean I had the weirdest feeling of deja vu when I 'first' heard them when I was 12 or 13, it turned out that at a year & a half or so I knew all the words to to American Pie, courtesy of my parents, I never heard it at all between then & age 12 or 13 & it was so weird I didn't conciously remember the song but I knew what every word would be before it was sung on the radio, I've never had any confirmation but Can't find my way was similar to that- I don't know where I'd have heard it though, American Pie was something of a novelty song, everyone was listening, my parents didn't listen to Rock & Roll though, just jazz so maybe a babysitter?

Can't ya See? by The Marshall Tucker Band, yes, the flute song, it deals with trains & I used to ride the train from Boston to Haverhill all the time, I grew up on the south shore of Mass but most of my Mother's family lived in Haverhill on the north shore, I would go to babysit my young cousins or see my older cousins who were nearer my own age & make a day of it, my father would drop me off at the T subway station, I'd ride to Boston, shop a little if I had any money, go to North Station & get a train to Haverhill, this song was always my companion, although because its a sad song it was more so while I'd be waiting for the train to take me back to Rockland & home after a weekend or week in Haverhill.

A lot of the songs I wrote about back in the 80s when I compiled this list I just wrote, summer of 85 or Christmas 86 (that's the pros & cons of Hitchiking by Roger Waters) I was chronicaly attatched to my walkman back then (I had 2 or 3, one or annother was always broken- the FM one was the standby & it wore like nails, I had my original sanyo walkman which I got in 1983 still working when I got divorced in 2000, that year, someone got it wet though & it had to be thrown away) I lived music, had a radio show on the local high school radio station (especially ironic since I was homeschooled & didn't actually go to school!) from the time I got up in the morning until I
was falling asleep in bed at night either the radio, the record player, tape deck or my walkman was running. Before I fell asleep at night I'd play the radio dial, as I mentioned before there's so many radio stations that you can scroll the dial & nearly every setting has annother station. I like a lot of different music & can remember going from REM's radio free Europe (back when it was their first 'hit') to Fare thee well by some hippie folk singer, maybe Carole King or Joni Mitchell? It was a very small radio station's sign off song & I'd try to tune in to listen at midnight on my walkman, it was a good song to doze off to,
'Fare thee well, my own true love,
I'm leaving the first hour of the morn
It's not the leavin' that's greivin me
But my true love that's bound to stay behind'

 I'm surprised I can still remember the lyrics, it's been about 15 years!
But that's the thing about music, it's like smell to me, it brings up memories which have been buried for years, things I'd totally forgotten about, like there's annother old folk song which has been getting some play since hurricaine Katrina, 'The City of New Orleans' by Arlo Guthrie, I have a 45 rpm record of it & play it occasionally, I was surprised when my ex came across it & got excited, he had to play it,

it turned out he'd learned the song the way I did. There's a tv station in Boston, channel 56 & they'd play that song about 10 minutes before they signed on at 6 am each day over the test pattern, we both, as kids back in the 70s would get up early & turn on the tv to this channel for cartoons (back before Nickelodeon & Disney Channel- my kids don't belive there was such a time!) & get this song instead & over the years we both (seperately) gained a love of the song!
Annother thing I remember well is that up until I had kids I didn't sleep well anywhere but my own bed on the first night somewhere & usually stayed awake all night the first night somewhere other than home (Not a big deal to me, my relationship with my mother back then was such that I'd still prefer a sleepless night somewhere else over staying at home with her!) So at Gails, or my Great Grandmothers or my Uncle's house, I'd lie in the dark, sometimes too excited about the next days events to sleep, sometimes just unable to sleep because I wasn't in my own bed, & listen to the radio on my walkman. They play strange stuff on the radio at 3 in the morning I have to say!

 I'm really looking forward to having an I-pod someday when I can afford it, I can't right now, but it certainly seems to be renewing the personal music delivery system which is what the Walkman was in it's day- & I'm all for that,  of course, I think it's a little weird to have all my own favorite songs on it rather than a radio, that's one of the things I like about radio, you're at their mercy, if there's a song you haven't heard before but they want to play it, you're hearing it!

Sexisim, Rampant in my Workplace! Well, on the Phone at Least
Now Playing: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
Topic: just letting off steam
I have to write a diatribe tonight, I'm sorry but events have conspired to require a bitch session.

 I work in an industry dominated by men. Without giving too much info & getting myself in trouble with my company I work tech support, I talk on the phone & tell people how to make their tvs work with the dbs set top boxes my company provides. I also upgrade & down grade programing, discuss billing, check to find out why the installer who's supposed to be there by 12 or 5 has not arrived & order pay per view for customers, I mostly do tech though. & I'm female, I work a 10 hour day & do on average, since the computer system at work was changed to a cumbersome, slow system, 55 calls a day (I used to run 65 to 70 calls a day- here's to progress!) at least 10 calls a day I hear the same thing, 'I don't think I got the right department honey, I'm looking for technical help' (begin rant to customer:) Look you backwards, foolish person, I don't know what rock you crawled out from under but this is the beginning of the 21st century & how dare you presume that just because I don't have a dick I don't know how to fix your problem, how dare you perpetuate the myth that women are generally less technically inclined? Don't take that condecending tone with me or call me honey, I am not your honey I am a level three technical support agent, I can point a dish in less than 5 minutes WITHOUT a signal meter, I can tell you how to set up your surround sound, dvd & make recordings of the entire season of Lost on your dvr while I'm balancing my checkbook, choosing christmas presents for my kids out of a catalog & writing a grocery list. Before you start honeying me or questioning every word I say to you remember, you called ME for help! (End rant to customer)

  I have worked at my job for over 5 years & I found very quickly when I began there that you have to have a confident attitude, if you don't or you're unsure in the least the customer will smell it or hear it or something & ask to speak to someone else or to speak to your supervisor, (the real joke about asking to talk to a supervisor when you're looking for technical help is that with only 1 or 2 notable exceptions all my supervisors have been less tech savvy than I -or any of my coworkers for that matter- To give credit where credit is due, it's less about the supervisor's technical abillity & more about the fact that technology changes so quickly that even 6 months off the phones without practical application every day ruins most supervisors abillty to troubleshoot effectively. They have so much to do being in charge of 10-15 people they can't keep up) Even more amusing, If I go to my supervisor or annother supervisor nearby & mention that the customer requested a male (That happens more often than you might think) they will find a female supervisor to take the call for me. I had a guy today that everything I told him to do to get his problem fixed he'd say 'are you sure you want me to do that honey?' as if I might change my mind because I'm a flighty little woman! (I post pictures on here, there's nothing little about me!) The old guys are the worst. Old people in general seem to have a lot of trouble taking instruction from a woman & I actually had an old geezer say to me after I instructed to put his tv back on channel 3 & press the correct mode button on the remote- restoring his picture & his abillity to change chans- 'I hate it when a woman is smarter than me' & hung up on me. that happened within my first year there & I still remember it.
  I can not get over how many women will not even begin to do anything which seems technical, they're ok with the remote usage but if they have to check the back of the tv or the set top box- omg!! you'd think the world was going to end  'oh honey, (there's that honey thing again) I'll have to have my husband (or son, or boyfriend or brother) call back when he's available' they say. so they're going to stop watching tv until they have some man around to help... Sometimes I despair for my gender too! Or the women who say 'well, if I mess it up too bad you're responsible', if I can tell you how to fix it why wouldn't I be able to tell you how to put it back together? Of course, it all boils down to how badly do they want the tv to work, if they're like me, they can take it or leave it, I'd honestly rather be online or reading than watching tv, though I have been in the situation of the stay at home mom who says: 'just tell me what to do, whatever it takes, I'll get on the roof if I have to but get my tv back on, these kids are killing me & I can't take any more Barney tapes!'

   On the plus side of all this, there's always someone during the day who just goes right along with what I say & is ecstatic that I was able to fix it for them, I have heard customers tell people on their end, 'this one knows what she's talking about!' I have walked cocky teenage guys through fixing their parents systems & had them thank me very politely afterwards. Then there's the little kids, I have troubleshot with children as young as 5 who are speaking for their parents because the parents don't speak english- I really feel for these kids, if it's a spanish speaker I have a transfer so I can get them to someone who can speak to their parents immediately, unfortunately we supply people with programing from many many different countries & if the parent speaks arabic, cantonese or hindi it's a 24-48 hour wait to have someone who speaks their language call them back & so I troubleshoot with little kids too. My favorite customers though, are the guys who are obviously smart & don't have an ego about it, after 10 minutes or so fielding every question they ask with a clear concise answer they often tell me they appriciate that I know my job so well & that it's nice to talk with a woman who knows about technology, like everything else, you have to prove yourself, at least to those guys, most of whom, no offense to anyone reading this who might take offense, are under 55. It's a help to have someone appreciate the work, lord knows the company doesn't, it's all more overtime, you need to work more, faster, longer, quicker. I try to always see the upside to everything one way or annother, yes, it may involve dark gallows humor but I can usualy find something to laugh about in most situations. & of course, there is the fact that this job has made me smarter, quicker to come back when I'm confronted, not afraid to deliver bad news to anyone, financialy independent, not afraid of my ex husband (I talk to bigger & meaner every day at work- he's actualy sorta stupid when it comes to arguments, I find, now that I'm better at it & don't start crying when I'm confronted) Then there's the best upside of all: I get home & get greeted with hugs & its all worthwhile!

More of the 100 things,
Topic: 100 things about me

Yes, it's been awhile since I posted anything in my 100 things, (since march) I have 80 things still & I have not been particularly motivated to make it 100, Chrissie did her 100 things though so I'm trying to finish up now.

 19 My favorite colors are teal, aquamarine & emerald green, I could go on, I love most colors!

18 My favorite artist is Tasha Tudor & now that I'm getting older I'm thinking about acquiring some prints of her art (over & above the 8 my grandmother who's also a fan, gave me.)

17 When I was young I loved cinnamon toast, so much so that I'd have like a quarter inch of cinnamon & sugar on the bread, my mother despaired of me often.

16 I hate pie in general, it's that dry crust messing up the nice, sweet filling,

15 I need a new couch- I also heard that while we were on vacation there might be a mouse living in (under?) my couch, now that we're back from vacation it should leave pretty quickly, mr 7 doing sommersaults across the cushions is not conducive to a mouse's sleep habits.

14 I'm almost unable to get poison ivy, I used to be able to sit in it & not get any rash, about 10 years ago my ex weed whacked an area at my grandmothers house which had poison ivy in it & I was in charge of clearing the whacked weeds, I got a touch of it & can get it a little since then, his face swelled up & his arms & legs & chest were completely covered in rash, it wasn't a pretty sight!

13 I have red hair, my kids ALL have red hair but neither of my parents had red hair, my mother's three brothers have (or had- they're gray now) red hair too. I'm the first known female in the family with the red gene though.

12 I can't belive I can't think of more to say... I thought I could rattle off 200 things in a matter of days, it's been 5+ months now & I'm pulling things out of my butt to complete this!

11 I have never been much of a self promoter. That cost me an upgrade in my job last October & I'm trying to get better at self promotion in order to stop having to talk on the phone for a living.

10 I often say things I shouldn't when I'm with people I haven't seen for awhile or who I'm excited to see.

Still Yet annother Meme
Now Playing: The Sweetest Thing, By U2
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
Were you a planned baby?:
 Yes

Were you the first?:
 Yes
Were your parents married when you were born?:
Yes

Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family?:
home life when I was young was strained & fairly sedate


Are your parents still married?:
My father is deceased so no.

Siblings or an only child?:
1 brother, also deceased


If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?:
Oldest

Which parent do you get along with best?:
I got along better with my father, now that its just my mother & I we get along ok.

What do you fight about?:
My mother & I fought constantly from the time I turned 10 or so, I think her attitude is best illustrated by what she said when I was pregnant with my second child & worried that I wouldn't love it as much as the first she said: "Don't worry about it, once you have the baby everything the oldest child does will just annoy you" I'm her oldest child.

Do you have step parents?:
NO



Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?:
Yes

What do you like to do when you are together?:
 Talk mostly

Do you share the same interests?
With some I do, with some we have varied interests

Which friend can you tell anything to?:
Chrissie

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?:
pretty Low

Do you get depressed about things easily?:
I try not to, I take st.Johnswort to help with depression which my runs in my family.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?:
Introvert all the way

Happy?:
Yes, pretty Happy.

do you live life to the fullest?:
Not really but I'm satisfied.

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look?:
Pretty Much, most people aren't but I don't really care.

What would you change about your appearance if you could?:
my weight of course.

Do you have any piercings besides your ears?:
None.
How do you style your hair

How do you dress?:
I put my clothes on the same way most people do...lol... with my own certain style, I like what I like & there's no real name for the style, maybe hippie?

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?:
Yes.

What did you use to love that you no longer do?:
Horror movies

Do you have the same friends?:
Some of them, I've known Chrissie since I was 12, Jennie since 15 & Jen since she was born since we're cousins.

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?:
I'm sure, many things were traumatizing, I know my mother venting to me that we might lose the house through not being able to afford the mortgage payments etc. was pretty traumatic, I was afraid for years afterwards that we were going to get thrown out on the street. That's when I started overeating too...


Part 7: The Future


Are you scared of growing old?:
Not really

Do you want to get married?:
NO!


Part 8: The Outdoors
What is your favorite season?:
Everything but winter

Favorite weather?:
Warm & Sunny
Do you like walking in the rain?:


Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?:
Nope, but I don't eat a lot of meat.

What is your favorite food?:
Chocolate

What food makes you want to gag?:
Peanut butter.

What is your favorite dessert?:
Chocolate Cheesecake.

What is your favorite restaurant?:
kabukis which is  a Japanese Steakhouse

Are you a picky eater?
Fairly

Part 10: Relationships and Love

do you think love is the best feeling in the world?:
I guess, it's been so long I can't remember

Believe in love at first sight?:
Yes, I've experienced it.

Do you think you're in love currently?:
Nope, not at all.

A million Things to Do
Now Playing: Break my Rusty Cage & Run by Soundgarden
Topic: Rambling on

*Take Trash Out
*Blog
*Email Ex Re: stair costs
*Cut 10's hair
*Edit/work on pictures on hard drive
*Hook up Printer
*Laundry- Fold it too
*Wrap Leaky pipe
*Take job application to business
*Strip mr 7's bed, febreeze the whole thing
*Wash all mr 7's sheets & Blankets
*Check out Hyundais online
*Try to duplicate old pics with out scanner
*Staple insulation to ceiling in basement
*Caulk & seal basement bulkhead roof
*Pick up S at 2:25 both days
* go to town & drop off paperwork for the kid's medical insurance

Here's my long list of things that I wrote yesterday to remind myself of what I need to do around the house today & tommorow, its going on 3 pm & I haven't done a thing but this right here & take the trash out. no, now that I'm looking at the list It does say email the ex with a question about how much I should plan on it costing to have stairs put in my house (we have an attic access to the upstairs currently though the rooms up there are completely finished) as a sop to my consience I can't cut miss 10's hair until she gets home from school, I can't fold laundry until it's all dry & I'm blogging right now.
   The day started with a bang when I heard Chrissie's dog yelping & thought it had been hit by a car. I checked out Hyundais & found out they're really expensive new. Its raini ng outside off & on & so my internet is off & on, Satellite internet is cool in a lot of ways & since I work in satellite television I understand that occasional outages are going to occour due to weather. As I tell people who are horrified that their tv is not going to come back on until the weather clears, 'if you have a dvr watch recordings, if  you don't find alternate entertainment' I have no tebook here on the computer & the songs on my hard drive don't require internet connection so I'm ok.(it also keeps the kids from asking me to get off the computer so they can get on, only mr 7 has games which don't require internet connection to use)
I ran outside in my nightgown to see where she was & found her hanging by her front paw off of our hammock, she had managed to get the hammock wrapped around her paw 3 or 4 times, Chrissie's daughter had stayed home from school with a sore throat & I had to go wake her up to support the dog since she was hanging from the hammock & the dog's weight was straining the hammock too much, even with the support the hammock was wrapped so tight around her p aw I ended up cutting the hammock rather than making the dog swing by her paw any longer than I had to.  I knew the hammock was going to be over as of the end of the summer & I guess this ends it, it was a 16 dollar hammock 16 years ago when I bought it, it's a sailors type hammock, not the kind with the boards at each end to keep it flat & it already had a foot wide hole in the middle. The kids have been using it as a swing more than a hammock which was not exactly good for the hammock or the ropes suspending it but I'm only here 3 days a week, miss 16 does not police the outside, only the inside & so it was pretty hard to keep the swinging from going on.
    I Then went to town to drop off paperwork, yes, with 3 kids & only 1 income, even with the $225 a month my ex is finaly forced to send, my kids still recieve medicaid, which is a good thing because I certainly can not afford the $180 per pay period employee + 3 insurance would cost, though of course, then I'd have insurance too, I'm currently uninsured & use part of my eic tax refund every year to go see the doctor & get a pap smear & general health check up. I didn't go out sh opping in town, though I love to do so & it was a temptation, I love going looking with out the kids, it's so nice with no one to tell not to touch that, not to pick that up, don't run in the store. & I'm even nice to people who do have kids...Not having to put up with my own I have a lot more patientice with other peoples children. But its a pay week meaning that I'll be able to see how much I'm getting wednesday evening but can't touch it until Friday morning so I'm pretty broke just this minute & I hate to not be able to at least buy a little $3 or $5 trinket if I go into store & I can't do tha t today boo hoo! So back home, after a stop at the post office where there was no mail but I finaly remembered to pay for postage to send my ex's new wife pictures of him, these are embarrasing pictures, of him wearing makeup & dressed up in 'heavy metal' clothes (80's style) for the pictures. When the visited in April we all looked through the picture albums & she was quite amused by these pictures, when she said she'd like copies the Ex vetoed the idea, I told her I'd send them after he went back to Iraq & it's taken me this long to assemble the spare photos, get them in an envelope, write a quick note to wrap them in (have to strive for a friendly but not fawning or kiss-ass tone) & since I'm sending 10 or so pics I had to take them to the P.O. & pay .63 cents for postage. It'll be worth it if she puts one in the newspaper for his birthday in November though- which is what she was threatening!
   After that there wasn't much to do, (just that list I'm ignoring) so I got
 the dryer going & stripped mr 7's bed & washed all the blankets (we still have a bedwetting problem so it's at least a weekly occourence & blankets are constantly being washed) then sat down here & oh, look, it's nearly 5 pm already! we're having a baked chiken recepie that I saw on food network on a show called (I think) Good Food Fast, it's simple but they swear it tastes just like fried chicken, if it's true I'll post the recipie!

Musings on painting & early halloween thoughts
Now Playing: Road to Nowhere by Ozzy
Topic: Family Business

Relaxing days, yesterday & today, yesterday we did craft stuff, I had picked up halloween figures, houses & a crypt, at a resale shop in town back at the beginning of the summer for a dollar fifty each & have been holding on to them since then. Monday turned out rainy & miserable so the kids & I painted them, they came out pretty nice as you can sort of see from the picture

we  painted these & also some wooden things which will become a welcome sign for beside the door if I ever finish it, I've been thinking about how I wanted it to be & how to set the welcome sign  up for months, I bought the pieces months ago & had been considering ever since, they're still not done, just the base coats applied, I was going to do the whole thing but decided I was better off taking it in small steps. Especially since in annother 3 weeks I'll want to put up halloween decorations & won't want some light & fluffy pretty thing beside my door. Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays as long as I can remember, unlike Christmas, which carries so much baggage (not to mention that some of my mother's worst depressions were during that holiday- making it uncomfortable to me) It's all for fun, from the time my best childhood friend (we were friends from 3 to 14 & then her father became an at home alcoholic so she cut all her friends out of her life) & I would make these walk through haunted houses through my house, I have memories of all these decorations we made for the walls on the staircase & fortunes we put in a black plastic cauldron & had my grandmother, dressed as a witch stir & give to people, one time we had a seance in the back room of a building we had on our property, there was a round hole cut in the wall which had been for a stovepipe but there was no pipe there & some enterprising person had placed the piece of drywall back in the hole, we heard a noise back there & turned to look & suddenly this hand & arm thrust itself through the hole! It was my father who was quite a joker & prankster! We hadn't planned this but it went off wonderfuly. Once when we were younger on Halloween night, with out any warning my parents & my friends parents put us all in the car & drove us to a neighboring town to a 'haunted house' my friend's parents milkman (yes, I'm old enough to have grown up with a milk man) & his friends had set up a haunted house & were making money for some charity having people pay a dollar or something to walk through, there was a gypsy telling fortunes, pirates & assorted ghouls standing or sitting around, so still you thought they were mannequins then they'd jump at you or yell, in the basement there was a stone doorway & someone standing against the wall on the other side swinging a large broadaxe down across the doorway I was on my way in when they swung it & stopped short, I was never so scared in my life (I was 7 or 8 at the time) they had it set up very well, once you walked around upstairs you went down to the basement & through a little more & then out through their bulkhead- very convenient. I always used to love watching Roseanne because they always had great halloween shows & did similar things to what we used to do & what I had seen (you see, in Massachusetts by 1975 or so there was no trick or treating because of the razor blades in apples, angel dust in pixie sticks freak out urban legends which went around- the kids who went to public school went to a school sponsered party but most of my friends were catholic school kids & of course I was either in the school my mother sent me to back then or taught at home so no party- our parents started doing things for us so we'd have something to do for halloween & we took it over ourselves once we were old enough. ) I really love halloween still, there's been years where I took 16 trick or treating in Mass (nowadays, they do this by neighborhood rather than all over town) & then all 3 of them here trick or treating, last year & the year before I hung out at my ex's aunts house & his cousin & her daughter kindly took the little ones out with them which I really apreciated- (miss 16 is over the whole thing & stays home handing out candy - though here at the new house no one shows up to get any) I always feel like such a beggar running the kids from place to place, waiting in the car for them to run up & back down, theres too much space between houses here for walking between houses for trick or treat- unless you do it just right in the center of town. I considered briefly having a halloween party here at the house, a little house of horrors tour like J & I used to do & then a little party in the garage, just for 10 & 7's school classes, not tons of people, just give everyone in the classes a note to stop by for a scary tour etc. but when I suggested it to 16 & wanted her to ask a couple of friends to help out she was shocked & appalled. How could I think of doing something so crazy? so weird, she'd be the laughingstock of the high school! So we didn't do it, as it turned out halloween time turned out to be a pretty financialy low time of the year last year so it's just as well that we didn't plan any such thing last year. There's always this year or next though... Right?

well, probably not! it's a nice idea but it takes a lot more time & money than I have to spare- it's too bad though, it would be a lot of fun. 

In painting the buildings I ended up, as usual, all alone at the table, mr 7 went to watch tv, miss 16's boyfriend called, miss 10 was back & forth between watching tv & making something to eat, I sat quietly, painting & thinking of the Christmas village the ex & I painted which was similar to these halloween pieces, thinking of the wooden boxes I used to get from my father who talked people at the liquor store into giving him for free (they sold wine from them & were just tossing the boxes out, after he got maybe 10 of them they started selling them to people for $5. each & he wouldn't get any more because he was mad that they took advantage of his idea to re-use the boxes) I still have 4 of them, 3 painted, 1 I've never gotten to but may soon. My mother & grandmother also each have one I painted for them. 1 with scences from my childhood home & 1 with scences from Whittiers Birthplace.  There's a few other boxes which my father made which my mother still has I think. I'll have to ask I guess.  

Saturday = Day of rest
Now Playing: Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads
Topic: just letting off steam

If everybody is happy doing their own thing why do I feel guilty that I've been wasting the whole day looking at silly stuff on my computer? All three kids are busy with their own pursuits, no one has asked me to do anything which I've said no to because I'm absorbed in the computer, but yet, I still feel guilty for being on here just messing around- as if I should be doing something which is more productive, house cleaning I guess, that's my mother coming out in me, she's the type which cleans the whole house top to bottom & then sits down & reads or goes online or what ever she's into doing after she's all done! Well I cleaned the house yesterday, you can't tell today but I did do it, even swept the floors! I don't usualy make it that far but miss 16 pushed me into it with the point that we're rarely both home together with out the little ones & we should be able to get the whole house nice & clean together- we did, then the little ones came home & an hour later it was trashed again!

Miss 16 is in her room sulking- or whatever its called when you're not talking to anyone who lives in the same house as you, she's had a bunch of friends who've just gotten their liscences stop by all afternoon, one comes, annother leaves, as long as I don't smell something burning up there & I can hear my computer speakers over her stereo speakers I'm not going to worry too much about it.

Miss 10 & Mr 7 are involved in an 'All Dogs go to Heaven Marathon' which is odd, because I thought there were only 2 movies by that name, They'll be headed out side soon though, because it's becoming a nice day out there & they need to get out & run around.

No one has needed me to do anything all day today, we ran errands in the morning & came home & I've been there ever since, I've been looking at funny pictures & reading funny things 

Both of which are addictive, I could sit & check this stuff out for hours, for those of you who are old hands at internet & saw all that stuff when it was new & exciting (yes, 80% of the world, I know) Please bear in mind I have had a computer with internet for only the past 7 months, before that I went to the library to use their free computer time & check email once a week. Its still all new to me!  My work has computers of course & I use them daily so I'm fairly proficent in their use, just haven't spent as much time browsing the web as most people have- they have web blocking software at my work so I couldn't do it there either.

Annother weird week, missing work the last day & a half due to sick kids & then on top of that because our call volume will be off because of the holiday Monday I am working tomorow & have Monday & Tuesday off & then work Wednesday, Thursday & Friday instead of 2 days off, 2 days on etc. I like having the time off while the kids are home from school though, especially when there's annother day afterwards where I can have the house to myself & relax but I'm all out of whack, hell, I've been out of whack since my vacation & have missed so much time since then that I may never get back into whack again! (I hope I do though, it's pretty bad when you work 2 days in a row & resent that even!- i so need to win the lottery which will be hard to do since I never play!) 

This weeks paycheck was a little lacking, well really it's that theres too many bills for the amount the paycheck was for!...So I can't really go anywhere at all, just work & back, yes, gas prices are down, by nearly 45 cents in my area (we're supposed to be one of the lowest in the country & after traveling from SW Virginia to Massachusetts with forays into New Hampshire & Maine this summer I agree to a point.) But $2.43 is still a lot of money to pay for a gallon of gas. in illustration, there's a store with a gas pump out front which closed down awhile ago, Chrissie & I were driving past it & the prices out front for gas were frozen at $1.76 & $1.86 & we were struck by how those outrageous prices were actually looking pretty good from our vantage point of $2.87 which is where gas in this area peaked recently. Anyway, I am more than a little worried about getting through the week, or until my payment to my credit company gets posted onto my credit card! 

Well, as usual, my day gets completely sidetracked & still this sits, unfinished, I've made dinner, done the dishes, 2 loads of laundry, talked to my ex- aunt in law, picked up a little, shooed kids outside to play because too much tv is bad for them, ate dinner on the porch with the kids because too much computer is bad for me! & sorted out a bunch of craft stuff my grandmother gave me while we were on vacation! 

Once I'm through here I have to take a shower, clean up the kitchen, fold 3 big baskets full of clothes, make my bed with clean sheets, watch the news on dvr cause I can't stand commercials & get the kids to turn off the tv again, bathe & go to bed at a reasonable hour (but mom, we don't have to get up in the morning- why do we have to go to bed at 1130?)  

 All in all, a pretty good day off, if only there was no work tommorow, note to self, as soon as have a discretionary income again, begin playing lottery in hopes of living a life of lesiure & fun!

What's wrong with me?
Now Playing: New World Man by Rush
Topic: Rambling on

Why haven't I been writing?

I've been busy, not too busy, just mentally busy with school having started, work getting crazy, sick kids, plumbing problems, car running strange problems & I just haven't had anything positive to say.

I've been here, I've been putting together my vacation posts from my private blog to post them here, they won't be here on the main page but under the link for Vacation 2006. But that's not the same as writing & thinking outloud which is often what I find myself doing here.

in other news...

A coworker told me about a place which is hiring & taking a lot of people from where I work because they're starting people with call center experience at $15 an hour, that's a substatial amout more than what I'm making now. Of course, it means giving up the 5 years senority I've accrued at my current job & stepping out into the unknown, it also means more of the same in the call center environment, though I know it won't be exactly the same as what I do now, it still means talking on the phone to people who'd probably rather not be talking to me, (it's inbound sales & I do inbound tech support now, yes, they call me but only because they have to!) It's the unknown part that bothers me the most I think, the idea that I have a mortgage & a car payment & 3 kids & a cat to feed & how can I even think about taking risks with all of that riding on only me? But of course, I take a risk every time I get in the car that someone won't come around the corner & Cream me pulling out of my very driveway! I take a risk going outside cause one of the ridiculously tall trees in my yard could just fall over & squash me, or really, even in my bed, I'm in line with 2 or 3 trees which could squash me just sleeping in my bed if you really want to get right down to it so really I can't get too upset about taking risks. Or at least I can usualy talk myself down out of that one. 

Then there's this funk I've been in where I'm thinking about the past, like distant past, when I first came here to VA in 1987 & when I met 16's dad & all the time I was with him- not very long in the grand scheme of things, only 16 months, but man a LOT of living & life lessons were cram packed into that 16 months, I NEVER want annother 16 months like those particular ones. ever. again. So I've been writing about that, not in great detail yet but in enough that if I ever post it I'll have to go back & change all the names! 

I think I'm lucky to have diaries covering all those years (really, from age 11 until when I started this blog, now I never seem to write in my diary in longhand, too bad in someways, ok in others)  If I'm looking for something to write about I can always pluck one off the shelf & start reading & then make it into a story, though they rarely have any moral or reason for being, sometimes they're funny or weird coincedences will occour. Once, when my Ex & I had been married about 3 months I happened to open a diary & re-read some pretty awful things my Uncle & his Wife had said & done to & about me right after my Father died & I got a little irritated with them all over again (this was maybe 2 years after the incident occoured) My ex got really upset with me & said that this was why he didn't think people should keep diaries because it could dig up all kinds of terrible stuff that you would be happier forgetting about. I tried to make him see that I prefered to remember this sort of thing to keep me mindful to not let this particular Uncle & Aunt see everything I felt & thought & to not turn my back on them because they were more than capable of sticking a knife in it! We argued on this issue for maybe 2 hours! Funny, now, I'm sure he'd look better in retrospect if I didn't have 8 years of diaries reminding me of how unhappy I was with him- even if I never did write down how so much of what I was worried about & hoped wasn't true. Was true!

Miss 16 is sick, I left work early to take her out of school & then didn't go today to take her to the doctors, strep throat- More antibiotics.  

At least it seems 10, 7 & I have already had the particular strain she has since no one has gotten sick but her- I think we're all already imune to it. Or maybe it's hair dye poisoning! I'm sorry, I'm all for self expression but when you've got beautiful unique, red hair already why, why WHY would you want to paint it black? She looks like a redheaded zebra! & she's really thinking I'm trying to be funny when I say that! I am NOT.

10 is getting awfully fussy lately, she insists she doesn't need any more sleep than she's getting which I have my doubts about, but man, is she weepy & whiny. Of course, she is 10, I had my period at 11 so it's possible she's just going to be one of those early ones, her aunts on the ex's side were too if I remember, so that could be the problem. I need to buy stock in tampax once she's started, I'll have to go to BJ's to purchase our needs!

7 & I are wrangling with his room, he keeps trashing it & getting very angry with me for having the audacity to insist he clean up his messes before I give the tv remote back to him. I have to walk in there to get clothes out of the closet on work days & it is upsetting to: a) step on stuff I bought him for his birthday in July already in pieces on the floor, yes, they're magnetix, they were already in pieces, but those pieces HURT! b) see books which I grew up with & loved/love jammed between the bed & the wall, often with pages bent & torn- though I am glad he likes to read, so few boys seem to these days, it's all x box. Among other things, a catepillar he had in a box in his room (poked holes in the top of my LAST tupperware container!) ready to take to school the next day crawled out, affixed itself to the top of his door's carvings & became a chrysalis - which I assure you we are watching with rapt attention! 

I'm hoping to become more involved in this tommorow, I just don't have much of any drive right now, there's nothing going on just this minute that feels in need of being written about!

Annother Meme
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense

GRUB-OLOGY
• What is your salad dressing of choice?

Bleu Cheese

• What is your favorite fast food restaurant?

 None really, I'll eat subs or pizza over any chain- type McDonalds restaurant

• What is your favorite sit down restaurant?

Here in VA: Kabukis

In Mass:  Top of The Hub

• On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?

at least 15%, sometimes more

• What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?

Chocolate! on a more realistic note, pasta, with different sauces, toppings, etc. I could eat it daily for weeks.

• Name three foods you detest above all others.

Peanut Butter,  Chewing Gum & Ham

• What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant?

I like the appetizers, all we ever get is pu pu platters to share

• What are your pizza toppings of choice?

Mushrooms, Sausage & Extra Cheese

 • What do you like to put on your toast?

Butter & cinnamon sugar

• What is your favorite type of gum?

Don't like it at all.

BI-OLOGY

• What do you consider to be your best physical attribute?

Hair

• Are you right handed or left handed?

Right 

• Do you like your smile?

Not really

• Have you ever had anything removed from your body?

Babies!

• Would you like to? 

Oh yes!

• Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?

Smell

• When was the last time you had a cavity?

Just recently

• What is the heaviest item you lift regularly?

my son is about 45 pounds, I pick him up to hug him regularly

• Have you ever been knocked unconscious?

Nope 

MISC-OLOGY

• If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?

No. probably not.

• If you could change your first name, what would you change it to?

Jemima, an old family name which my mother was going to use but my Uncle talked her out of it.

• How do you express your artistic side?

Crafts, Beaded Jewlery, Embroidery

• What color do you think you look best in?

Emerald Green or Teal- conveniently my favorite colors.

• How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison?

Pretty long, I'd try to read a lot.

• Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?

Yes.

• If we weren’t bound by society’s conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at?

Nope- not really

• How often do you go to church?
Seldom

• Have you ever saved someone’s life?
No.
• Has someone ever saved yours?

DARE-OLOGY

For this last section, if you would do it for less or more money, indicate how much.

• Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?

Sure,
• Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?

Absolutley

• Would you have sex with a member of the same sex for $10,000?

Yes 

• Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
Probably, you don't use pinkie fingers that much do you?

• Would you never blog again for $50,000?

It would probably take more like $100,000.

• Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?

would I have to read/hear, complaints & comments about my pictorial? I'm pretty fat after all... If I could be oblivious to the response I'd probably do it for $500,000.

• Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?

Sure
• Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000,00?

I don't think I could take a human life at all

• Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000?

more like $50,000 & someone else would have to pay for the shaving & waxing.

• Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?

Sure- as long as I could still watch dvds & use the computer no problem. 

The 100th Post
Topic: just letting off steam

Does it really matter that this is my 100th post? Probably not, I only just recently noticed that in the create area they're numbered & so it shows how many entries I've posted here & in other places.

Yes I have a lot of free time right this minute & so I can just write at my leisure but I have found that there's never enough time for everything you want to do & so I have stopped even trying to post on my heavy work nights (those are the ones where I work - often overtime- & come home needing to go back to work the next morning, unlike most people that only occours 2 days of my week but I do work a 10 hour day minimum so I take my sleep pretty seriously if I have to go back to work the next morning!)

 So,  100 posts, considering how many memes I do it's probably more like 60 posts, I love mems, but I don't consider them posts really, more like a game or a fun thing to glance over. Not actual writing, of course being a reader I don't consider my blog entries to be actual writing either, more like whining with a little (I hope) introspection thrown in. 

I started back in Februaury & I wasn't too sure I'd keep with it, I used to write a lot when I was a teenager but after my ex & I moved back to VA in 1997 I burned all my writings from the teenage years (it was partly a practical thing, we couldn't afford a newspaper subscription & needed paper to burn to light fires in our wood stove- man I do NOT miss those days) I still have my diaries from back then & once, on annother blog, considered putting some excerpts out there but being homeschooled back then & only having a couple of friends I led a pretty boring exsistence so after browsing through one or two of them for a few hours one day & coming up with about 2 lines I felt I could use I gave up on that Idea. (I was also pretty spoiled, selfish & hateful- at least in my diary if not in public back then & my kids would have raked me over the coals. I had intended to put the whole vacation to Mass on the blog & it is in the works, but I'll be past posting it, slipping it in as if I posted it at the time I was doing the things on the blog, my private blog has that info already on it, I wrote blog entries by cell phone & posted with pictures each day either early in the am while the kids were asleep or late in the evening when they were bathing or asleep again. Cell phone posts are ok, but they advertise my cell phone company & they also somehow get all these little mistakes, either I'm transposing letters or for instance every post ends with the last word broken up with an '!' in the middle of the word! So I'm working on combining posts (you only get a thousand words on a cell post) to make a diary of the vacation on here. (working on it means I've copied all the words out of the private blog onto notebook & have 1 line written in my 'retranslation' of what I was trying to say there!- I'm very slow) 

Back when I started the blog I wasn't really set on any one thing I wanted out of it. I knew I didn't want it to be a place where I just bitched about work or about the kids etc. though I do a fair share of bitching about both of those subjects, along with my annoyance with Tripod though really, since I'm not paying for this I shouldn't really bitch too much. But no spell check? how can they do that? I'm just a really poor speller is most of the problem. 

I also didn't really want to be too political, I do put stuff which is interesting to me on here occasionaly. that Peak Oil thing the other day still has me thinking in depth about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. For the most part though I try not to put too much on here one way or the other, I notice that Tripod 'tries' to tailor the ads they put at the top of your blog to what you're writing about, mine has been surprisingly religious, I'm not religious, I'm Unitarian, brought up in that church & would go weekly if I didn't a) live 40+ miles from the nearest church & b) work on Sundays most weeks (I understand the current head of my religion would be annoyed to hear me say that being Unitarian means I'm not religious, But Unitarianisim as I understand it to be is that whatever speaks to me, personaly is what it is to me, wasn't that what all those years of learning about other religions in sunday school was for?)

I'm always interested to read what other people my age are saying & thinking though, probably due to my parents not ever talking down to me & being homeschooled I didn't fit in too well with most kids my own age & most of my friends both as a child & an adult are older than me by at least 4 years & much more in some cases. (except Chrissie & my Cousin Jen they're both 68 babies just like me) Then there's the fact that my ex is 5 years younger than me & so I hung around with a younger crowd for nearly 10 years while with him. Not a lot of exposure to people my own, exact age & so I'm always interested to see what they have to say on their blogs. I have to say though, that I'm a born lurker, I hate to comment & rarely can think of anything to say which doesn't sound stupid to me in retrospect!

I love posting pictures, mostly of the kids, I admit, but it's a fun thing to do & they get a kick out of seeing themselves on the computer, Miss 16 comes on here & reads what I've written occasionaly then yells a lot but I ignore her, she's got myspace, I have this, it all works out in the end. 

So, maybe after 100 posts it's time to change the format or the color? I've been feeling restless, Look out! 

Picture is from Friday when I relaxed in my hammock for a few hours hanging out with miss 10 & then miss 16 when she got home an hour after the little ones.  I was planning on reading but visiting with the kids is much better. 

Yes, Yes, annother Meme,
Now Playing: Dreams by Fleetwood Mac
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense

With Apologies (thanks?) to http://ben-gal.tripod.com/

1. Yourself: Worried

2. Your husband/wife: None

3. Your hair: Needs Washing

4. Your Mother: Depressed (as always)

5. Your Father: Deceased

6. Your Favorite Item: Item? The Computer or my bed

7. Your dream last night: Can't remember.

8. Your Favorite Drink: Water or Diet Coke

9. Your Dream Home: Log Cabin on a back road right here in my area

10. The Room You Are In: Dim, we need lightbulbs!

12. Your fear: One of my kids dying

13. Where you Want to be in Ten Years? Here, with more money or better yet an unlimited supply of money!

14. Who you hung out with last night: My kids & Chrissie

15. What You're Not: Outgoing & gregarious

16. Your Best Friends: Chrissie, Ann, Jen.

17. One of Your Wish List Items: Unlimited Cash

18. Your Gender: Female.

19. The Last Thing You Did: Washed the Dishes

20. What You Are Wearing: Nightgown

21. Your favorite weather: Warm & Sunny

22. Your Favorite Book: Too many to begin to list

23. Last thing you ate? Steak, Rice Pilaf & Summer Squash & Zuchini from my garden.

24. Your Life: Needs Less Stress

25. Your mood: Calm

26. The last person you talked to on the phone: Chrissie

27. What are you thinking about right now?: Wether to stay online or go watch tv for awhile

The End of the World as we Know it?
Now Playing: Hungry Heart by Bruce Springstein
Topic: Rambling on

Ok, so I know I'm not very political, I used to be, but after my ex left just making it through the week became my focus, I was worried much more about having enough food for the kids to eat & how we were going to keep the power & the phone on than what was going on in the wider world, I still voted in the presidential & gubenetorial (is that how you spell that?) races & I watch the nightly local & national news every night. But spending time worrying about what was going on & actualy reading newspapers was lost to me (I actualy gave up the newspaper when I moved from Mass to VA, the Roanoke paper is ok, but when you're used to the Boston Globe, well, I'm a snob!) Then there's the fact that I'm a liberal independent person & I live in a staunchly republican, conservative state. Keeping a low profile is just a good idea, but I was blog surfing (Via Micheles, I just pick a few titles on the blog roll & open them up to see what's there) & I happend on a site which had the following link on it. I didn't read too much of that blog because I got sucked into this link & never looked back:

lifeaftertheoilcrash  

go check it out, at least skim the first page, there's enough there to get you worried to say the least.

To say it was absorbing reading is an understatement, I immediately began trying to figure out what I would DO if the world collapsed like they're descibing, I live in a house with an electric stove, electric water pump & very little self sufficiency! We have a propane powered furncace but my credit wasn't good enough to lease a propane tank last year & so last winter we heated with a round kerosene heater. It actualy worked out ok, not too cold but they say the winter was unusualy mild, I thought it was the difference between the trailer we were living in & an actual insulated house.  But Kerosene is a non renewable resourse. I have to go to the store & buy it & it's made from chemicals which oil is used to process. After reading that site I have made all these mental connections about how we/I live which add up to what the hell would I do if this happen(s)ed? 

Not to mention the implicit, depressing, 'what will my kid's lives be like?' question! I talked to my 16 year old about it & she just shrugged & said 'J (current boyfriend) & I will just build a self-sufficient home off in the woods & live independently' I was hard put not to point out the multile flaws in this plan but I didn't want to depress her too much since she's pretty depressive in general & we've been arguing lately about that- How she's always depresive & moping & surly. I made a concious decision When my ex left me in 2000 that I was not going to live my life that way, that I was going to try to be as optomistic, upbeat & cheerful as possible & try to look on the bright side of everything as much as humanly possible. Which is not 'normal' in my family, my mother & all of her brothers are moody, mopey, depressive people & I have watched them all drag through their lives & I don't want to live like that! (the st. Johnswort helps this too!- but I couldn't take it while with the ex because it can interfere with birth contol pills they say) So she's going exactly the same way I was & my mother & uncles are & I'm trying to give her the mental tools to help combat it - it's not all herbal, you have to choose to look at things as positively as possible too...

Anyway, I'm just floored by this article & am actually considering a change in jobs to eliminate my 50+ mile round trip commute. (I want to telecommute but all the stuff I'm finding looks like scams) & there's the length of service thing to consider, I've been at my job for over 5 years & make more than any starting wage job is going to give me- especialy in this area! Rural areas, while better suited for a 'back to the land approach' are not too great for working outside the home for cash to pay the taxes & the mortgage type thing!

Enough of this depressing stuff, I'm off from work & relaxing at home with out any kids, it's been lovely except I slept too late & too long & have a headache. I have a half an hour left before they're back home & I have already done 2 loads of laundry, put away 2 baskets of clean clothes which I folded last night & done a ton of dishes (how we end up with so many dishes AFTER dinner dishes are done I'll never understand) Now I'm thinking about a snooze/book read in my hammock because the calendar & the weather don't know or care that school is back in session!