Just not feeling it right now, I'd rather be out with them but they're not home yet
I've been online for over an hour just reading other pe
oples blogs etc. & it seems everyone has so much more of a life, so many more links to interesting & funny & beautiful things. Or opinions on stuff like that mess in Pennsylvania which I watched with co-workers all day yesterday between calls & feel positively ill over. What is wrong with the world? I used to, when terrible things happened, look around at my idylic world here in VA & think to myself, well, at least it couldn't happen here
, but it could, if it can happen in Amish country it can happen here. Of course, if they keep daring Iran, Nuclear Winter will happen to us all. here, there, everywhere! yeah, I got up on the way wrong side of the bed this morning- I know. Doing 20thousand dishes this morning because 16 is sick & didn't do them yesterday didn't help either. at least I have a pretty view while I"m washing the dishes!
I'm in a bit of a funk because I heard from my middle daughter, who emails occasionaly with her dad & his new wife that he'll be back from Iraq 'for sure' in the middle of November, which means I have to worry about challenges to custody, visitation, pressure to let the little ones go to Wisconsin for visits (NOT going to happen) At least the worst worry is not going to happen, he was saying (threatening) when they visited during his leave in April that he'd like to move back here after he got done with the military. His new wife took care of that though! She bought them a house while he was gone, there in Wisconsin, near her family etc. & more power to her! She has my blessings, just keep him there is all I ask, chain him in the basement for all I care, just keep him away from me. 
I won't continue on that particular vent, I'm sick to death of it already & he's not even calling yet. as I said I'm not feeling much like blogging, add to that I have to take 16 to the doctors once the little ones get home from school & then we're going grocery shopping because I had to wait for my credit card payment to post so I'd be able to complete the groceries, NEXT paycheck I'm going to have a full one, with at least 4 hours of OT on it. (I'm shooting for 6 but I only have 4 & 1/2 now & I know better than to count on any of it unless it's already posted to my weekly credit. Picture is a original by 16, just found that she's posted them on myspace, so if she's showing them off there I can show 'em off here!
, finaly cut miss 10's hair & since while I was cutting, 
t though, I'm usualy sorry after I go to a hairdressers & have a haircut myself, the last time I did was back in 2004 & it was so awful I haven't even had it cut since then, I've taken to trimming the ends myself to keep them healthy & that's it. I don't cut hair often, when I was pregnant with miss 10 I went to cosmetology school & then, since I was having her & keeping us all fed & housed was more important than getting my cosmetology liscence (we didn't have the fee to do the test) I never did anything with it, then, the next year in 1997 we moved down here to Virginia & I found out that while MA requires 1000 hours of school VA requires 1500 & we never had the money for me to go complete those 500 hours. I went to school for cosmetology because it seemed like a good job, reasonably well paying, different stuff all the time & becuase my Grandmother wanted me to, she's always said she'd like for me to be
able to do her hair & nails so she wouldn't need to go out & have it done if she didn't want to & we lived with her at that point so it seemed like a good idea. I found while in school that my personality is not really suited to this, that I'm not very outgoing & talkative & that it was rather stressful cutting peoples hair & being expected to make smalltalk. I did like the work, mixing colors, doing the hair cuts, rolling the perms, that part is pretty fun but after a few years of being out of it I didn't have any real call to go back to it (the student loan payments which I'm still paying off today - because while my ex & I were together we did not have the money to pay on them- are something of a rebuke though) anyway, it was fun doing 3 haircuts last night! 
(slept too late to call it breakfast) & have been messing around on here since then, Yesterday I went meme hunting so you can expect to see new ones, I'm going to attempt to keep it to 1 a week though becuase I consider them cheating in a way, though this stream of conciousness stuff isn't much better reading really. Well, the song that used to motivate me to go out & take a walk in the woods when I was a homeschooled teenager, reading in my bed all day every day, is playing from my computer telling me I need to get out & do something before my life is over like water under a bridge, I guess it's time to weed whack the front yard!
myself a fairly lenient parent, I am easygoing on room cleanliness, bedtimes & TV viewing. I do require my 16 year old's help in watching her siblings while I'm at work & on my work days I do ask her to feed them, keep the laundry moving from laundry basket, to washer to dryer (I fold it all, always) & do the dishes on my work days also. I pay her, I don't ask her to watch her sibs for free, I don't pay her a lot but at least it's something, most people I know who are oldest siblings (myself included) did not get paid for watching their younger brothers & sisters. 
ut going at all) Next thing I hear is that the driving friend is staying overnight, not a big deal, they're pretty quiet, I bitch if they're not & she's lost the privledge of having friends over for weeks & months previously because of not being quiet so she's pretty respectful about that, when the friend arrived I said, since it was quarter past 10 & I'm a little caffeineated & probably won't be able to fall asleep at 11 anyway, that she could stay out until 11 if she wanted. Well, as usual, nothings ever quite enough. 
minutes after she's left the house, she's calling me & asking me if she can stay out until midnight. No, she can't. She then procedes to argue with me about why am I always such a bitch, never let her do what she wants, etc, etc, etc, the usual 16 year old rant, I remember it from when I was 16 myself, (& 15, 17 & 18 too) 15 minutes later (early I might add- just what I want, more of her!) she stomps in the house, tries to kill me with her eyes & marches upstairs, 2 minutes later she's back in response to my question about where's the other girl? Oh, she's still staying the night, she'll be here at midnight when her own, regular curfew at home is! 
1993, who was on his way to work in Roanoke & never arrived, he was like, 50 or so at the time & neither he or the car turned up, they just assumed that he'd just left his live in girlfriend & gone somewhere else, though he didn't take anything but his wallet & lunch for work. They found him & his car on a hillside, in 2002, he had gone off the side of the road, over the cliff & into trees & no one, looking over the side of the cliff could see the car. from where the body was they said he survived the crash but was pretty messed up, he got out of the car but was unable to get to the road & died in the woods by the car, 9 years to find him! That's what it's like here though, I think of it all the time, driving to & from work, going places with the kids- down to Roanoke on the occasional shopping trip, going to Chrissies house, there are crosses & other handmade memorials on many many curves where people have lost their lives & I seriously don't want to be making a memorial to my kid on one of them. 
s & Far Away, by Led Zeppelin, walking in the rain with my walkman (it seemed, for awhile if it was raining & I was walking this song would come on the radio- of course, in Mass you just have to turn the radio on & spin the dial & most any song you can think of comes on some station or annother- they have SO many up there! Here in Virginia, there's 2 stations I like & 6 I tolerate, I have 10 presets & not enough radio stations to fill them here!) 
alibu with about 4 other people in the car, we were on our way back to where he lived to take him back & 'never see him again' & this song came on the radio, she turned it up & of course, no one went home never to be seen again! (man, were WE sappy!)
specially ironic since I was homeschooled & didn't actually go to school!) from the time I got up in the morning until I 
n here, there's nothing little about me!) The old guys are the worst. Old people in general seem to have a lot of trouble taking instruction from a woman & I actually had an old geezer say to me after I instructed to put his tv back on channel 3 & press the correct mode button on the remote- restoring his picture & his abillity to change chans- 'I hate it when a woman is smarter than me' & hung up on me. that happened within my first year there & I still remember it. 
l, I can't fold laundry until it's all dry & I'm blogging right now.
es a note to stop by for a scary tour etc. but when I suggested it to 16 & wanted her to ask a couple of friends to help out she was shocked & appalled. How could I think of doing something so crazy? so weird, she'd be the laughingstock of the high school! So we didn't do it, as it turned out halloween time turned out to be a pretty financialy low time of the year last year so it's just as well that we didn't plan any such thing last year. There's always this year or next though... Right? 
, 2 days on etc. I like having the time off while the kids are home from school though, especially when there's annother day afterwards where I can have the house to myself & relax but I'm all out of whack, hell, I've been out of whack since my vacation & have missed so much time since then that I may never get back into whack again! (I hope I do though, it's pretty bad when you work 2 days in a row & resent that even!- i so need to win the lottery which will be hard to do since I never play!) 
my vacation posts from my private blog to post them here, they won't be here on the main page but under the link for Vacation 2006. But that's not the same as writing & thinking outloud which is often what I find myself doing here. 
g, now I never seem to write in my diary in longhand, too bad in someways, ok in others) If I'm looking for something to write about I can always pluck one off the shelf & start reading & then make it into a story, though they rarely have any moral or reason for being, sometimes they're funny or weird coincedences will occour. Once, when my Ex & I had been married about 3 months I happened to open a diary & re-read some pretty awful things my Uncle & his Wife had said & done to & about me right after my Father died & I got a little irritated with them all over again (this was maybe 2 years after the incident occoured) My ex got really upset with me & said that this was why he didn't think people should keep diaries because it could dig up all kinds of terrible stuff that you would be happier forgetting about. I tried to make him see that I prefered to remember this sort of thing to keep me mindful to not let this particular Uncle & Aunt see everything I felt & thought & to not turn my back on them because they were more than capable of sticking a knife in it! We argued on this issue for maybe 2 hours! Funny, now, I'm sure he'd look better in retrospect if I didn't have 8 years of diaries reminding me of how unhappy I was with him- even if I never did write down how so much of what I was worried about & hoped wasn't true. Was true!
y to take her out of school & then didn't go today to take her to the doctors, strep throat- More antibiotics. 
same sex for $100?