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Friday, October 6, 2006
WatchThat First Step its a Big One!
Now Playing: Bad Seamstress Blues by Cinderella
Topic: just letting off steam

Annother week totally screwed up by my own emotions, I admit, I could have stayed, as a matter of fact, I almost did, almost said 'never mind' & took my lunch break & stayed until 8 like I should have, but once you tell your boss you have diareah it's hard to take it back, my boss is a heartless scorpio, If I had said to him 'look, I've been yelled at, treated like an idiot (even after I fixed their problem) & verbally abused today, I just can't take anymore, I've already fought down tears on 3 calls & it's not even 1 pm yet.' He'd have said 'get over it, let it roll off, they're not yelling at you, they're yelling at the company' Most of the time I'm able to remember it but today I could not do it, adding to the problems is that there's some things I just can't help, if someone is coming to a customer's house to fix their problem the customer is given a 4 hour window in which the repair person is supposed to arrive, since a repair person is given 4-6 jobs in a day if they run late at 1 job, all the rest end up late too, that's a given, most people can understand that, even I can understand that. However, the amount of late jobs, jobs where no one shows up or calls at all sometimes on even 3 or 4 different scheduled dates is rising, it used to be I'd talk to 2-3 people a day on this issue, now from 1130 on through the rest of the day (yes, even up to 8 pm & later - we're nationwide so my 8pm is 5 in California) I hear this nearly every other call. People who've been stood up are always really pissed off too! Not that I blame them, I just can't understand why they have to be so damn hateful to me.

  So I couldn't do it, I just couldn't, especially since our sink broke last night, Mr 7 for reasons known best to him sat on the kitchen sink's water faucet over the summer, I patched it up, taped it up for awhile but it's been getting worse & worse, the metal ripped through where it was stressed & the hole kept getting bigger, The whole faucet broke off last night Needless to say I was not pleased, why do these things happen on the week I don't get paid? Luckily that's what credit cards are for! So when I left work I headed to the stores to get a faucet, I'd been pricing faucets in Lowes & Home Depot for weeks & they were all pretty expensive, the cheapest was over 40 bucks. This morning though, while I was telling a co-worker about the faucet breaking right off last night he told me he'd had to replace the one in his new (to him) house this summer & said that Walmart had them for less than $30. got that, some socks (I'm a barefoot person & hate socks, but since I heat alternatively I have to have socks in cold weather, its the first truly cold day of the season today & I haven't bought socks in 2 years for myself so when I went to put some on this morning I found they all had holes in them!) & Some metallic paint pens for the kids & my craft project this weekend. Then I went home, feeling better for being away from the toxic atmosphere at my work (The really insulting part is that they make out like it's such a great job & that it pays SO well & is such fun) So the same co-worker who told me about getting a cheaper faucet at Walmart & my boss both told me that all I had to do was turn off the water, unhook the tubes which feed the water, unscrew the connectors under the sink, pull the old faucet out & put the new faucet in & tighten everything really well, but not too much. The instructions confirmed it, turn off the water, take out the old, put in the new.

No one mentioned that the old one has been there since 1959 & the hot water base's nut would be so corroded & rusted that I wouldn't be able to get it to budge, or that the water shut offs under the sink would be useless & so I'd have to turn off the water at the main source in the basement! I spent 4 hours pulling & tugging on an adjustable wrench (all I would need, I was assured) most of a can of wd40 (& man do I wish I had that stupid little straw that came with it!) & then a set of vice grips (always my tool of last resort & usualy it works) I did, with the vice grips get the cold water bolt loose but the hot water pipe is not moving an inch & I'm starting to chip pieces of metal off it, stripping the squared off parts of the nut which will make it even harder in the long run. I broke the hot water pipe under the sink off at the join, the cement holding it together was dried out & the whole thing just snapped, I have an aching back & I'm now intimately aquainted with the underside of my sink & all the stuff I keep in the adjoining cupboards, I've got mouse turds & wd40 in my hair & rust flakes in my eyes ears & cleavage & I can't take a shower because it's still in pieces & I can't turn the water back on. To her credit, miss 16, while not standing over me the whole time did come every time I called her with out complaint to bring me water to drink, the vice grips, the step stool to support my back, towels to lie on to support my back more, a rag & my socket set (none are deep enough) we went out & got pipe cement & a new joiner for the hot water pipe & they're back together nice & tight but since the shutoff valve under the sink does nothing I still can't turn the water back on. 16 has a friend who's a guy who she's going to ask to come by tommorow & see if he can loosen the nut, he works on cars she says so he should be able to get it loose (I don't doubt that, my ex was really good at that sort of thing & he worked on cars most of the time we were together) I don't actually need someone to do the whole job- just take that stupid nut off, I'm confident I can put the faucet in, if I could just get past that first step- taking the old one out!

Posted by Becky at 10:20 PM EDT
Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Just not feeling it right now, I'd rather be out with them but they're not home yet



I've been online for over an hour just reading other pe




oples blogs etc. & it seems everyone has so much more of a life, so many more links to interesting & funny & beautiful things. Or opinions on stuff like that mess in Pennsylvania which I watched with co-workers all day yesterday between calls & feel positively ill over. What is wrong with the world? I used to, when terrible things happened, look around at my idylic world here in VA & think to myself, well, at least it couldn't happen here, but it could, if it can happen in Amish country it can happen here. Of course, if they keep daring Iran, Nuclear Winter will happen to us all. here, there, everywhere! yeah, I got up on the way wrong side of the bed this morning- I know. Doing 20thousand dishes this morning because 16 is sick & didn't do them yesterday didn't help either. at least I have a pretty view while I"m washing the dishes!

      I'm in a bit of a funk because I heard from my middle daughter, who emails occasionaly with her dad & his new wife that he'll be back from Iraq 'for sure' in the middle of November, which means I have to worry about challenges to custody, visitation, pressure to let the little ones go to Wisconsin for visits (NOT going to happen) At least the worst worry is not going to happen, he was saying (threatening) when they visited during his leave in April that he'd like to move back here after he got done with the military. His new wife took care of that though! She bought them a house while he was gone, there in Wisconsin, near her family etc. & more power to her! She has my blessings, just keep him there is all I ask, chain him in the basement for all I care, just keep him away from me.

I won't continue on that particular vent, I'm sick to death of it already & he's not even calling yet. as I said I'm not feeling much like blogging, add to that I have to take 16 to the doctors once the little ones get home from school & then we're going grocery shopping because I had to wait for my credit card payment to post so I'd be able to complete the groceries, NEXT paycheck I'm going to have a full one, with at least 4 hours of OT on it. (I'm shooting for 6 but I only have 4 & 1/2 now & I know better than to count on any of it unless it's already posted to my weekly credit. Picture is a original by 16, just found that she's posted them on myspace, so if she's showing them off there I can show 'em off here!




Posted by Becky at 2:56 PM EDT
Friday, September 29, 2006
YAY! a music Meme, my favorite!
Now Playing: Serenity by Godsmack

Very Bad day at work today, I was going to post about it & various other frustrations in my life, but I didn't want to bore anyone, I then wasn't going to post at all, I was just going to read blogs, then I found this & it was perfect, I collect memes which look interesting & do them when my satellite internet is down, but this was so right up my alley that I did it tonight, right after I found it! 


Song(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being
~ Anything which gets stuck in my head & doesn't let go
~ Oops I did it Again by Britney Spears (oh, who am I kidding? ANYTHING by her)
~ I used to love her, (but I had to Kill her) by Guns & Roses

Musical artist(s) That I Loathe to the Core of My Being
~ Britney Spears
~ Paris Hilton
~ Many others I'm afraid, I don't have a lot of tolerance when it comes to music, I either love it or hate it!

Rolling Stones Song(s) I Love
~ Paint It Black
~ Wild Horses
~ Ruby Tuesday

Beatles Song(s) I Love
~ Beautiful People
~ Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds
~ Yesterday 

Who Song(s) I Love
~ Teenage Wasteland
~ Behind Blue Eyes
~ Boris the Spider

Dylan Song(s) I Love
~ Tangled up in Blue (could be because I have red hair)
~ Knockin on Heavens door
~ Jokerman

Reggae Songs I Love
Don't know any

Country Song(s) I Love
~Don't like country,
~ unless you consider John Denver country
then Take me Home, Country Roads.

Movie Soundtrack(s) I Love
~ Singles
~ Shrek
~ Dazed & Confused

Cover Song(s) I Love
~ Crimson & Clover covered by Joan Jett
~ Sympathy for the Devil covered by Guns & Roses
~ Rock On Covered by Def Leppard

Contemporary Top-40 Artist(s) I Secretly Love
not a secret, these are pretty good bands!
~ Hinder
~ Nickelback
~ Blue October
 Of course, if you don't say top 40 but just say, new rock, modern rock as they label it on Billboard, then it would be:

~ Stone Sour
~ Red Hot Chilli Peppers
~ Jet

Song(s) That Bring Me To Tears
~ Yeah, I'm cold like that, unless I'm drinking!

Rap/Hip Hop Song(s) I Love
~ I like Big Butts by Sir Mix-A-Lot
~ Yeah by Usher
~ Walk this Way by Run DMC & Aerosmith

70s Disco Song(s) I Love
~ UGH, yeah, right!

Novelty Song(s) I Love
~ Amish Paradise by Weird Al Yankovic
~ My Wife left town with a bannana (don't know who it's by & I'm too lazy to go find the album, yes, I have the Album, it was my brothers & I inherited it when he died)
~ Annother one Rides the Bus by Weird Al Yankovic


Soul/R&B Songs I Love
~ Love Child by Diana Ross & the Supremes
~ Respect by Aretha Franklin
~ Midnight Train to Georgia by Gladys Knight & the pips.

Power Ballad(s) I Love (Don't get me started!!)
~ Never Let you Go by Steelheart (My wedding song- no, I'm not kiddng!)
~ Fly to The Angels by Slaughter
~ Uncle Toms Cabin by Warrant

1950s Song(s) I Love
~ The Wanderer by Del Shannon
~ My Boyfriends Back

                     Singer/Songwriter  Songs I Love
~ Scarborough Fair by Simon & Garfunkel (well, really anything by them!)

~ The Circle Game by Joni Mitchel
~ Morning Has Broken sung by Cat Stevens

Song(s) to Have Sex To
~ Still of the Night by Whitesnake
~ Alanis Morisette's second Album, (I'm afraid I don't know the name of it, my ex took it when he left)
~ Houses of the Holy by Led Zeppelin

None of the Above Song(s) I Love
~ One Thing by Finger Eleven
~ Can't Find my Way Home by Blind Faith
~ Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads

I could go on for hours, When I was a teenager I tried with my brother's help to list favorite songs & even then, at 15 or 16 could not begin to complete a list there were just too many, now 20+ years later theres even more! 

Posted by Becky at 11:16 PM EDT
Updated: Saturday, November 4, 2006 2:32 PM EST
Thursday, September 28, 2006
13 things I did acomplish this 'weekend'
Topic: Thursday Thirteen

My 2 day weekend is Tuesday & Wednesday & I had many Plans but didn't do most of them

1 Took lost library book back to the library (Chrissie found it)
2 Weed whacked my front yard    
3 Made a 'decent' meal both nights
4 6 loads of laundry (not folded yet though)
5 Dishes, dishes & more dishes    
6 Swapped my winter clothes with my summer clothes
7 Blogged
8 got a bunch of memes to work with in the near future
9 Cut 10's hair finaly (& Chrissies & her daughter's too)
10 Closed all the storm windows on the first floor
11 Got gas & wrote out all my bills since I was able to check what my paycheck amount was online
12 Helped miss 10 & mr 7 do their homework
13 Read Halloween books we got at the library to them

Posted by Becky at 12:01 AM EDT
Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Annother weekend, almost over & I don't have a damn thing to show for it except a pile of hair on the floor & a bunch of clean laundry waiting to be folded. I haven't worked on my embroidery, haven't weed whacked the front yard, which is my only form of lawnmowing right this minute (don't have any money for gas & the weedwhacker is electric) I did make a nice dinner last night, finaly cut miss 10's hair & since while I was cutting, Chrissie was here I cut her hair too, at her request & even trimmed her daughter's hair for her too. The before & after photos are here of course. Though I admit the pictures don't show a lot of difference between before & after for Chrissie at least, it was more noticeable in person. miss 10 though, her's lightens her face up noticeably. It was nice to cut one of my kids hair & not have them in tears afterwards, I refuse to cut miss 16's hair any more because we had this thing go on where she'd come to me with a picture of what she wanted, I'd cut it & then she wouldn't like it, either it was shorter than she wanted or it was not what she expected or something but she would always be sorry after I cut her hair. I understand that though, I'm usualy sorry after I go to a hairdressers & have a haircut myself, the last time I did was back in 2004 & it was so awful I haven't even had it cut since then, I've taken to trimming the ends myself to keep them healthy & that's it. I don't cut hair often, when I was pregnant with miss 10 I went to cosmetology school & then, since I was having her & keeping us all fed & housed was more important than getting my cosmetology liscence (we didn't have the fee to do the test) I never did anything with it, then, the next year in 1997 we moved down here to Virginia & I found out that while MA requires 1000 hours of school VA requires 1500 & we never had the money for me to go complete those 500 hours. I went to school for cosmetology because it seemed like a good job, reasonably well paying, different stuff all the time & becuase my Grandmother wanted me to, she's always said she'd like for me to be able to do her hair & nails so she wouldn't need to go out & have it done if she didn't want to & we lived with her at that point so it seemed like a good idea. I found while in school that my personality is not really suited to this, that I'm not very outgoing & talkative & that it was rather stressful cutting peoples hair & being expected to make smalltalk. I did like the work, mixing colors, doing the hair cuts, rolling the perms, that part is pretty fun but after a few years of being out of it I didn't have any real call to go back to it (the student loan payments which I'm still paying off today  - because while my ex & I were together we did not have the money to pay on them- are something of a rebuke though) anyway, it was fun doing 3 haircuts last night!
  Today I got more laundry washed, cleaned up the dishes from last night, (I hate doing dishes & Company coming over was a great excuse to avoid finishing them last night) Ate brunch (slept too late to call it breakfast) & have been messing around on here since then, Yesterday I went meme hunting so you can expect to see new ones, I'm going to attempt to keep it to 1 a week though becuase I consider them cheating in a way, though this stream of conciousness stuff isn't much better reading really. Well, the song that used to motivate me to go out & take a walk in the woods when I was a homeschooled teenager, reading in my bed all day every day, is playing from my computer telling me I need to get out & do something before my life is over like water under a bridge, I guess it's time to weed whack the front yard!

Posted by Becky at 1:52 PM EDT
Updated: Wednesday, September 27, 2006 2:16 PM EDT
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Am I Wrong here?
Now Playing: Its All I Can Do by the Cars
Topic: Family Business

Ok, now I consider myself a fairly lenient parent, I am easygoing on room cleanliness, bedtimes & TV viewing. I do require my 16 year old's help in watching her siblings while I'm at work & on my work days I do ask her to feed them,  keep the laundry moving from laundry basket, to washer to dryer (I fold it all, always) & do the dishes on my work days also. I pay her, I don't ask her to watch her sibs for free, I don't pay her a lot but at least it's something, most people I know who are oldest siblings (myself included) did not get paid for watching their younger brothers & sisters. 

  When 16 is invited, she is allowed to go out after I get home from work on Friday nights & to stay at friends overnight on Tuesday or Friday nights, school time or summertime, either way it's ok with me, it gets her out of my hair & makes her happier at the same time. 

I  would be the first to admit I'm rather anal when it comes to my sleep, I like to get 8-9 hours a night, more if possible, I'm a night owl but I know on a work night 7 am comes pretty damn early so I shoot for a 11 pm bedtime on nights when I have to get up for work the next day. Tonight at 10 pm 16 comes to me & says a friend who just got her licence is coming to get her & they're going out driving, how long can she stay out for? I looked at the clock & said half an hour, she wasn't happy but didn't argue too much, ( I get crabby fast, you want to argue about the amount of time I say you can forget about going at all) Next thing I hear is that the driving friend is staying overnight, not a big deal, they're pretty quiet, I bitch if they're not & she's lost the privledge of having friends over for weeks & months previously because of not being quiet so she's pretty respectful about that, when the friend arrived I said, since it was quarter past 10 & I'm a little caffeineated & probably won't be able to fall asleep at 11 anyway, that she could stay out until 11 if she wanted. Well, as usual, nothings ever quite enough. 

Not 15 minutes after she's left the house, she's calling me & asking me if she can stay out until midnight. No, she can't. She then procedes to argue with me about why am I always such a bitch, never let her do what she wants, etc, etc, etc, the usual 16 year old rant, I remember it from when I was 16 myself, (& 15, 17 & 18 too) 15 minutes later (early I might add- just what I want, more of her!) she stomps in the house, tries to kill me with her eyes & marches upstairs, 2 minutes later she's back in response to my question about where's the other girl? Oh, she's still staying the night, she'll be here at midnight when her own, regular curfew at home is! 

  Oh hell no she isn't, If I don't want to stay up until midnight worrying about where she is what makes her think I want to do so for her friend? Not a big deal according to her, I don't Need to worry about C, she'll be really quiet when she gets here at midnight, she promised. Sure, & what if she doesn't actually show up at midnight, what if she's driven over a cliff? what if she doesn't make a curve, I may not be from here, but when I got here I'd only had my licence for 4 months, I got my first car here in VA. In MA, I'd only been able to borrow my Mother's & Friend's Cars, I may have learned the basics, how to shift gears, brake & accelerate in my fathers VW Rabbit, but I really got my driving skills here & if that car hadn't been a nearly dead 1978 Plymouth Arrow with a 4 cylinder engine, an automatic transmission & no power to get any speed up at all I'd probably have died the first week!  The roads are curvy, slick when wet, people take the curves on the wrong side of  the road & sometimes, on the side of the road, to the right, there's a sheer drop, 15-20 feet is a small drop around here!

There was a guy, when my ex & I lived here & were getting ready to get married in 1993, who was on his way to work in Roanoke & never arrived, he was like, 50 or so at the time & neither he or the car turned up, they just assumed that he'd just left his live in girlfriend & gone somewhere else, though he didn't take anything but his wallet & lunch for work. They found him & his car on a hillside, in 2002, he had gone off the side of the road, over the cliff & into trees & no one, looking over the side of the cliff could see the car. from where the body was they said he survived the crash but was pretty messed up, he got out of the car but was unable to get to the road & died in the woods by the car, 9 years to find him! That's what it's like here though, I think of it all the time, driving to & from work, going places with the kids- down to Roanoke on the occasional shopping trip, going to Chrissies house, there are crosses & other handmade memorials on many many curves where people have lost their lives & I seriously don't want to be making a memorial to my kid on one of them. 

Of course when you're 16, you're invincible, you don't truly belive anything bad can happen to you, I know though, that it can & often does & though I try not to restrict her too much, I know all too well & can imagine all to easily all kinds of disasterous scenarios which could occour when she's out. 

 I have no conclusions to draw, maybe I'm overprotective, maybe I'm not protective enough, you have to let them go a little, my banner on my cell phone reminds me of that every day... (or it tries to at least) it says :                     Root & Wings

Posted by Becky at 11:25 PM EDT
Updated: Tuesday, September 26, 2006 1:59 PM EDT
Thursday, September 21, 2006
13 Books I loved as a kid (10-14)
Topic: Thursday Thirteen

1 The Witch Family
2 Half Magic
3 Depend on Katie John
4 Anything Trixie Belden
5 A House for Jonnie O
6 Sooner or Later/Waiting Games (companion books)
7 Are you There God? it's me Margaret
8 Haunted Houses
9 The Keeping Days series
10 The House With a Clock in its Walls
11 The Swing in the Summer house & The Diamond in the Window (companion
12 Dave's Song
13 The Little House on the prairie set

Posted by Becky at 12:01 AM EDT
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Music, one of my favorite things...
Now Playing: Rock On by David Essex.
Topic: Rambling on

   Ann  (dated 6/1) Wrote a blog entry which I've been thinking about since I read it, it's about song lyrics & their meanings to her, I've been working on a mental list of my own, but it seems they all have really long explanations, I'm going to put a similar one out one of these days for the lyrics part, for now though I'll share part of something similar which I wrote in my diary at 16 or so... songs & what they made me think of! Comments in parentheses are current day explanations.
Boys Of Summer, by Don Henley, walking on the dirt bike trails in Haverhill, fall of 1984, (I lived with my uncle & aunt for 7 months of 84 as a live in babysitter & I found early on that when my uncle walked in the door at 6, if I didn't walk right out the door he'd get me to watch the kids some more 'since I wasn't doing anything' so I took to taking long walks on these dirt bike trails, listening to my walkman & daydreaming)

Over The Hills & Far Away, by Led Zeppelin, walking in the rain with my walkman (it seemed, for awhile if it was raining & I was walking this song would come on the radio- of course, in Mass you just have to turn the radio on & spin the dial & most any song you can think of comes on some station or annother- they have SO many up there! Here in Virginia, there's 2 stations I like & 6 I tolerate, I have 10 presets & not enough radio stations to fill them here!)

Call to the Heart, by Guiffria, (& if you remember this song- well, wow! I didn't remember it until I read it here in the diary!) Chrissy & her then boyfriend (this was in 1986) having a fight in her chevy malibu with about 4 other people in the car, we were on our way back to where he lived to take him back & 'never see him again' & this song came on the radio, she turned it up & of course, no one went home never to be seen again! (man, were WE sappy!)

What Does it Take? Honeymoon Suite, My cousin Jen got to, once, in our teenage years, come for a visit to my house for a weekend, it was great & this one hit wonder had it's moment in the sun right at that point so I remember the two together.

Whos Crying Now, by Journey, This is a really OLD one, the year it came out, 1981, My Uncle & Aunt took my Grandmother, their daughter, who was an infant at the time & Me to Salisbury Beach & this song was playing on the radio, My Aunt & Uncle were holding hands while it was on & I remember watching them & hoping I'd have a marriage like theirs (as opposed to like my parents loveless toleration) Of course, little did I know, they weren't destined to last either. (my personal opinion now? No one is- but maybe I'm bitter!)

The Breakup Song, by Greg Kihn, well, not my first breakup, I was 17 before I ever had a boyfriend, I loved the tune though, & I remember being bummed out because I didn't have a boyfriend to break up with!

Can't Find My Way Home, by Blind Faith, this is a song which I think I've known my whole life, this & American Pie by Don Mclean I had the weirdest feeling of deja vu when I 'first' heard them when I was 12 or 13, it turned out that at a year & a half or so I knew all the words to to American Pie, courtesy of my parents, I never heard it at all between then & age 12 or 13 & it was so weird I didn't conciously remember the song but I knew what every word would be before it was sung on the radio, I've never had any confirmation but Can't find my way was similar to that- I don't know where I'd have heard it though, American Pie was something of a novelty song, everyone was listening, my parents didn't listen to Rock & Roll though, just jazz so maybe a babysitter?

Can't ya See? by The Marshall Tucker Band, yes, the flute song, it deals with trains & I used to ride the train from Boston to Haverhill all the time, I grew up on the south shore of Mass but most of my Mother's family lived in Haverhill on the north shore, I would go to babysit my young cousins or see my older cousins who were nearer my own age & make a day of it, my father would drop me off at the T subway station, I'd ride to Boston, shop a little if I had any money, go to North Station & get a train to Haverhill, this song was always my companion, although because its a sad song it was more so while I'd be waiting for the train to take me back to Rockland & home after a weekend or week in Haverhill.

A lot of the songs I wrote about back in the 80s when I compiled this list I just wrote, summer of 85 or Christmas 86 (that's the pros & cons of Hitchiking by Roger Waters) I was chronicaly attatched to my walkman back then (I had 2 or 3, one or annother was always broken- the FM one was the standby & it wore like nails, I had my original sanyo walkman which I got in 1983 still working when I got divorced in 2000, that year, someone got it wet though & it had to be thrown away) I lived music, had a radio show on the local high school radio station (especially ironic since I was homeschooled & didn't actually go to school!) from the time I got up in the morning until I
was falling asleep in bed at night either the radio, the record player, tape deck or my walkman was running. Before I fell asleep at night I'd play the radio dial, as I mentioned before there's so many radio stations that you can scroll the dial & nearly every setting has annother station. I like a lot of different music & can remember going from REM's radio free Europe (back when it was their first 'hit') to Fare thee well by some hippie folk singer, maybe Carole King or Joni Mitchell? It was a very small radio station's sign off song & I'd try to tune in to listen at midnight on my walkman, it was a good song to doze off to,
'Fare thee well, my own true love,
I'm leaving the first hour of the morn
It's not the leavin' that's greivin me
But my true love that's bound to stay behind'

 I'm surprised I can still remember the lyrics, it's been about 15 years!
But that's the thing about music, it's like smell to me, it brings up memories which have been buried for years, things I'd totally forgotten about, like there's annother old folk song which has been getting some play since hurricaine Katrina, 'The City of New Orleans' by Arlo Guthrie, I have a 45 rpm record of it & play it occasionally, I was surprised when my ex came across it & got excited, he had to play it,

it turned out he'd learned the song the way I did. There's a tv station in Boston, channel 56 & they'd play that song about 10 minutes before they signed on at 6 am each day over the test pattern, we both, as kids back in the 70s would get up early & turn on the tv to this channel for cartoons (back before Nickelodeon & Disney Channel- my kids don't belive there was such a time!) & get this song instead & over the years we both (seperately) gained a love of the song!
Annother thing I remember well is that up until I had kids I didn't sleep well anywhere but my own bed on the first night somewhere & usually stayed awake all night the first night somewhere other than home (Not a big deal to me, my relationship with my mother back then was such that I'd still prefer a sleepless night somewhere else over staying at home with her!) So at Gails, or my Great Grandmothers or my Uncle's house, I'd lie in the dark, sometimes too excited about the next days events to sleep, sometimes just unable to sleep because I wasn't in my own bed, & listen to the radio on my walkman. They play strange stuff on the radio at 3 in the morning I have to say!

 I'm really looking forward to having an I-pod someday when I can afford it, I can't right now, but it certainly seems to be renewing the personal music delivery system which is what the Walkman was in it's day- & I'm all for that,  of course, I think it's a little weird to have all my own favorite songs on it rather than a radio, that's one of the things I like about radio, you're at their mercy, if there's a song you haven't heard before but they want to play it, you're hearing it!

Posted by Becky at 12:12 AM EDT
Friday, September 15, 2006
Sexisim, Rampant in my Workplace! Well, on the Phone at Least
Now Playing: Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana
Topic: just letting off steam
I have to write a diatribe tonight, I'm sorry but events have conspired to require a bitch session.

 I work in an industry dominated by men. Without giving too much info & getting myself in trouble with my company I work tech support, I talk on the phone & tell people how to make their tvs work with the dbs set top boxes my company provides. I also upgrade & down grade programing, discuss billing, check to find out why the installer who's supposed to be there by 12 or 5 has not arrived & order pay per view for customers, I mostly do tech though. & I'm female, I work a 10 hour day & do on average, since the computer system at work was changed to a cumbersome, slow system, 55 calls a day (I used to run 65 to 70 calls a day- here's to progress!) at least 10 calls a day I hear the same thing, 'I don't think I got the right department honey, I'm looking for technical help' (begin rant to customer:) Look you backwards, foolish person, I don't know what rock you crawled out from under but this is the beginning of the 21st century & how dare you presume that just because I don't have a dick I don't know how to fix your problem, how dare you perpetuate the myth that women are generally less technically inclined? Don't take that condecending tone with me or call me honey, I am not your honey I am a level three technical support agent, I can point a dish in less than 5 minutes WITHOUT a signal meter, I can tell you how to set up your surround sound, dvd & make recordings of the entire season of Lost on your dvr while I'm balancing my checkbook, choosing christmas presents for my kids out of a catalog & writing a grocery list. Before you start honeying me or questioning every word I say to you remember, you called ME for help! (End rant to customer)

  I have worked at my job for over 5 years & I found very quickly when I began there that you have to have a confident attitude, if you don't or you're unsure in the least the customer will smell it or hear it or something & ask to speak to someone else or to speak to your supervisor, (the real joke about asking to talk to a supervisor when you're looking for technical help is that with only 1 or 2 notable exceptions all my supervisors have been less tech savvy than I -or any of my coworkers for that matter- To give credit where credit is due, it's less about the supervisor's technical abillity & more about the fact that technology changes so quickly that even 6 months off the phones without practical application every day ruins most supervisors abillty to troubleshoot effectively. They have so much to do being in charge of 10-15 people they can't keep up) Even more amusing, If I go to my supervisor or annother supervisor nearby & mention that the customer requested a male (That happens more often than you might think) they will find a female supervisor to take the call for me. I had a guy today that everything I told him to do to get his problem fixed he'd say 'are you sure you want me to do that honey?' as if I might change my mind because I'm a flighty little woman! (I post pictures on here, there's nothing little about me!) The old guys are the worst. Old people in general seem to have a lot of trouble taking instruction from a woman & I actually had an old geezer say to me after I instructed to put his tv back on channel 3 & press the correct mode button on the remote- restoring his picture & his abillity to change chans- 'I hate it when a woman is smarter than me' & hung up on me. that happened within my first year there & I still remember it.
  I can not get over how many women will not even begin to do anything which seems technical, they're ok with the remote usage but if they have to check the back of the tv or the set top box- omg!! you'd think the world was going to end  'oh honey, (there's that honey thing again) I'll have to have my husband (or son, or boyfriend or brother) call back when he's available' they say. so they're going to stop watching tv until they have some man around to help... Sometimes I despair for my gender too! Or the women who say 'well, if I mess it up too bad you're responsible', if I can tell you how to fix it why wouldn't I be able to tell you how to put it back together? Of course, it all boils down to how badly do they want the tv to work, if they're like me, they can take it or leave it, I'd honestly rather be online or reading than watching tv, though I have been in the situation of the stay at home mom who says: 'just tell me what to do, whatever it takes, I'll get on the roof if I have to but get my tv back on, these kids are killing me & I can't take any more Barney tapes!'

   On the plus side of all this, there's always someone during the day who just goes right along with what I say & is ecstatic that I was able to fix it for them, I have heard customers tell people on their end, 'this one knows what she's talking about!' I have walked cocky teenage guys through fixing their parents systems & had them thank me very politely afterwards. Then there's the little kids, I have troubleshot with children as young as 5 who are speaking for their parents because the parents don't speak english- I really feel for these kids, if it's a spanish speaker I have a transfer so I can get them to someone who can speak to their parents immediately, unfortunately we supply people with programing from many many different countries & if the parent speaks arabic, cantonese or hindi it's a 24-48 hour wait to have someone who speaks their language call them back & so I troubleshoot with little kids too. My favorite customers though, are the guys who are obviously smart & don't have an ego about it, after 10 minutes or so fielding every question they ask with a clear concise answer they often tell me they appriciate that I know my job so well & that it's nice to talk with a woman who knows about technology, like everything else, you have to prove yourself, at least to those guys, most of whom, no offense to anyone reading this who might take offense, are under 55. It's a help to have someone appreciate the work, lord knows the company doesn't, it's all more overtime, you need to work more, faster, longer, quicker. I try to always see the upside to everything one way or annother, yes, it may involve dark gallows humor but I can usualy find something to laugh about in most situations. & of course, there is the fact that this job has made me smarter, quicker to come back when I'm confronted, not afraid to deliver bad news to anyone, financialy independent, not afraid of my ex husband (I talk to bigger & meaner every day at work- he's actualy sorta stupid when it comes to arguments, I find, now that I'm better at it & don't start crying when I'm confronted) Then there's the best upside of all: I get home & get greeted with hugs & its all worthwhile!

Posted by Becky at 11:17 PM EDT
More of the 100 things,
Topic: 100 things about me

Yes, it's been awhile since I posted anything in my 100 things, (since march) I have 80 things still & I have not been particularly motivated to make it 100, Chrissie did her 100 things though so I'm trying to finish up now.

 19 My favorite colors are teal, aquamarine & emerald green, I could go on, I love most colors!

18 My favorite artist is Tasha Tudor & now that I'm getting older I'm thinking about acquiring some prints of her art (over & above the 8 my grandmother who's also a fan, gave me.)

17 When I was young I loved cinnamon toast, so much so that I'd have like a quarter inch of cinnamon & sugar on the bread, my mother despaired of me often.

16 I hate pie in general, it's that dry crust messing up the nice, sweet filling,

15 I need a new couch- I also heard that while we were on vacation there might be a mouse living in (under?) my couch, now that we're back from vacation it should leave pretty quickly, mr 7 doing sommersaults across the cushions is not conducive to a mouse's sleep habits.

14 I'm almost unable to get poison ivy, I used to be able to sit in it & not get any rash, about 10 years ago my ex weed whacked an area at my grandmothers house which had poison ivy in it & I was in charge of clearing the whacked weeds, I got a touch of it & can get it a little since then, his face swelled up & his arms & legs & chest were completely covered in rash, it wasn't a pretty sight!

13 I have red hair, my kids ALL have red hair but neither of my parents had red hair, my mother's three brothers have (or had- they're gray now) red hair too. I'm the first known female in the family with the red gene though.

12 I can't belive I can't think of more to say... I thought I could rattle off 200 things in a matter of days, it's been 5+ months now & I'm pulling things out of my butt to complete this!

11 I have never been much of a self promoter. That cost me an upgrade in my job last October & I'm trying to get better at self promotion in order to stop having to talk on the phone for a living.

10 I often say things I shouldn't when I'm with people I haven't seen for awhile or who I'm excited to see.

Posted by Becky at 12:01 AM EDT
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Still Yet annother Meme
Now Playing: The Sweetest Thing, By U2
Topic: Stuff & Nonsense
Were you a planned baby?:

Were you the first?:
Were your parents married when you were born?:

Part 2: The Family
How would you describe your family?:
home life when I was young was strained & fairly sedate

Are your parents still married?:
My father is deceased so no.

Siblings or an only child?:
1 brother, also deceased

If you have siblings are you oldest, middle, or youngest?:

Which parent do you get along with best?:
I got along better with my father, now that its just my mother & I we get along ok.

What do you fight about?:
My mother & I fought constantly from the time I turned 10 or so, I think her attitude is best illustrated by what she said when I was pregnant with my second child & worried that I wouldn't love it as much as the first she said: "Don't worry about it, once you have the baby everything the oldest child does will just annoy you" I'm her oldest child.

Do you have step parents?:

Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?:

What do you like to do when you are together?:
 Talk mostly

Do you share the same interests?
With some I do, with some we have varied interests

Which friend can you tell anything to?:

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?:
pretty Low

Do you get depressed about things easily?:
I try not to, I take st.Johnswort to help with depression which my runs in my family.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?:
Introvert all the way

Yes, pretty Happy.

do you live life to the fullest?:
Not really but I'm satisfied.

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look?:
Pretty Much, most people aren't but I don't really care.

What would you change about your appearance if you could?:
my weight of course.

Do you have any piercings besides your ears?:
How do you style your hair

How do you dress?:
I put my clothes on the same way most people do...lol... with my own certain style, I like what I like & there's no real name for the style, maybe hippie?

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?:

What did you use to love that you no longer do?:
Horror movies

Do you have the same friends?:
Some of them, I've known Chrissie since I was 12, Jennie since 15 & Jen since she was born since we're cousins.

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?:
I'm sure, many things were traumatizing, I know my mother venting to me that we might lose the house through not being able to afford the mortgage payments etc. was pretty traumatic, I was afraid for years afterwards that we were going to get thrown out on the street. That's when I started overeating too...

Part 7: The Future

Are you scared of growing old?:
Not really

Do you want to get married?:

Part 8: The Outdoors
What is your favorite season?:
Everything but winter

Favorite weather?:
Warm & Sunny
Do you like walking in the rain?:

Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?:
Nope, but I don't eat a lot of meat.

What is your favorite food?:

What food makes you want to gag?:
Peanut butter.

What is your favorite dessert?:
Chocolate Cheesecake.

What is your favorite restaurant?:
kabukis which is  a Japanese Steakhouse

Are you a picky eater?

Part 10: Relationships and Love

do you think love is the best feeling in the world?:
I guess, it's been so long I can't remember

Believe in love at first sight?:
Yes, I've experienced it.

Do you think you're in love currently?:
Nope, not at all.

Posted by Becky at 6:32 PM EDT
A million Things to Do
Now Playing: Break my Rusty Cage & Run by Soundgarden
Topic: Rambling on
Tuesday, September 12, 2006

*Take Trash Out
*Email Ex Re: stair costs
*Cut 10's hair
*Edit/work on pictures on hard drive
*Hook up Printer
*Laundry- Fold it too
*Wrap Leaky pipe
*Take job application to business
*Strip mr 7's bed, febreeze the whole thing
*Wash all mr 7's sheets & Blankets
*Check out Hyundais online
*Try to duplicate old pics with out scanner
*Staple insulation to ceiling in basement
*Caulk & seal basement bulkhead roof
*Pick up S at 2:25 both days
* go to town & drop off paperwork for the kid's medical insurance

Here's my long list of things that I wrote yesterday to remind myself of what I need to do around the house today & tommorow, its going on 3 pm & I haven't done a thing but this right here & take the trash out. no, now that I'm looking at the list It does say email the ex with a question about how much I should plan on it costing to have stairs put in my house (we have an attic access to the upstairs currently though the rooms up there are completely finished) as a sop to my consience I can't cut miss 10's hair until she gets home from school, I can't fold laundry until it's all dry & I'm blogging right now.
   The day started with a bang when I heard Chrissie's dog yelping & thought it had been hit by a car. I checked out Hyundais & found out they're really expensive new. Its raini ng outside off & on & so my internet is off & on, Satellite internet is cool in a lot of ways & since I work in satellite television I understand that occasional outages are going to occour due to weather. As I tell people who are horrified that their tv is not going to come back on until the weather clears, 'if you have a dvr watch recordings, if  you don't find alternate entertainment' I have no tebook here on the computer & the songs on my hard drive don't require internet connection so I'm ok.(it also keeps the kids from asking me to get off the computer so they can get on, only mr 7 has games which don't require internet connection to use)
I ran outside in my nightgown to see where she was & found her hanging by her front paw off of our hammock, she had managed to get the hammock wrapped around her paw 3 or 4 times, Chrissie's daughter had stayed home from school with a sore throat & I had to go wake her up to support the dog since she was hanging from the hammock & the dog's weight was straining the hammock too much, even with the support the hammock was wrapped so tight around her p aw I ended up cutting the hammock rather than making the dog swing by her paw any longer than I had to.  I knew the hammock was going to be over as of the end of the summer & I guess this ends it, it was a 16 dollar hammock 16 years ago when I bought it, it's a sailors type hammock, not the kind with the boards at each end to keep it flat & it already had a foot wide hole in the middle. The kids have been using it as a swing more than a hammock which was not exactly good for the hammock or the ropes suspending it but I'm only here 3 days a week, miss 16 does not police the outside, only the inside & so it was pretty hard to keep the swinging from going on.
    I Then went to town to drop off paperwork, yes, with 3 kids & only 1 income, even with the $225 a month my ex is finaly forced to send, my kids still recieve medicaid, which is a good thing because I certainly can not afford the $180 per pay period employee + 3 insurance would cost, though of course, then I'd have insurance too, I'm currently uninsured & use part of my eic tax refund every year to go see the doctor & get a pap smear & general health check up. I didn't go out sh opping in town, though I love to do so & it was a temptation, I love going looking with out the kids, it's so nice with no one to tell not to touch that, not to pick that up, don't run in the store. & I'm even nice to people who do have kids...Not having to put up with my own I have a lot more patientice with other peoples children. But its a pay week meaning that I'll be able to see how much I'm getting wednesday evening but can't touch it until Friday morning so I'm pretty broke just this minute & I hate to not be able to at least buy a little $3 or $5 trinket if I go into store & I can't do tha t today boo hoo! So back home, after a stop at the post office where there was no mail but I finaly remembered to pay for postage to send my ex's new wife pictures of him, these are embarrasing pictures, of him wearing makeup & dressed up in 'heavy metal' clothes (80's style) for the pictures. When the visited in April we all looked through the picture albums & she was quite amused by these pictures, when she said she'd like copies the Ex vetoed the idea, I told her I'd send them after he went back to Iraq & it's taken me this long to assemble the spare photos, get them in an envelope, write a quick note to wrap them in (have to strive for a friendly but not fawning or kiss-ass tone) & since I'm sending 10 or so pics I had to take them to the P.O. & pay .63 cents for postage. It'll be worth it if she puts one in the newspaper for his birthday in November though- which is what she was threatening!
   After that there wasn't much to do, (just that list I'm ignoring) so I got
 the dryer going & stripped mr 7's bed & washed all the blankets (we still have a bedwetting problem so it's at least a weekly occourence & blankets are constantly being washed) then sat down here & oh, look, it's nearly 5 pm already! we're having a baked chiken recepie that I saw on food network on a show called (I think) Good Food Fast, it's simple but they swear it tastes just like fried chicken, if it's true I'll post the recipie!

Posted by Becky at 12:36 PM EDT
Tuesday, September 5, 2006
Musings on painting & early halloween thoughts
Now Playing: Road to Nowhere by Ozzy
Topic: Family Business

Relaxing days, yesterday & today, yesterday we did craft stuff, I had picked up halloween figures, houses & a crypt, at a resale shop in town back at the beginning of the summer for a dollar fifty each & have been holding on to them since then. Monday turned out rainy & miserable so the kids & I painted them, they came out pretty nice as you can sort of see from the picture

we  painted these & also some wooden things which will become a welcome sign for beside the door if I ever finish it, I've been thinking about how I wanted it to be & how to set the welcome sign  up for months, I bought the pieces months ago & had been considering ever since, they're still not done, just the base coats applied, I was going to do the whole thing but decided I was better off taking it in small steps. Especially since in annother 3 weeks I'll want to put up halloween decorations & won't want some light & fluffy pretty thing beside my door. Halloween has been one of my favorite holidays as long as I can remember, unlike Christmas, which carries so much baggage (not to mention that some of my mother's worst depressions were during that holiday- making it uncomfortable to me) It's all for fun, from the time my best childhood friend (we were friends from 3 to 14 & then her father became an at home alcoholic so she cut all her friends out of her life) & I would make these walk through haunted houses through my house, I have memories of all these decorations we made for the walls on the staircase & fortunes we put in a black plastic cauldron & had my grandmother, dressed as a witch stir & give to people, one time we had a seance in the back room of a building we had on our property, there was a round hole cut in the wall which had been for a stovepipe but there was no pipe there & some enterprising person had placed the piece of drywall back in the hole, we heard a noise back there & turned to look & suddenly this hand & arm thrust itself through the hole! It was my father who was quite a joker & prankster! We hadn't planned this but it went off wonderfuly. Once when we were younger on Halloween night, with out any warning my parents & my friends parents put us all in the car & drove us to a neighboring town to a 'haunted house' my friend's parents milkman (yes, I'm old enough to have grown up with a milk man) & his friends had set up a haunted house & were making money for some charity having people pay a dollar or something to walk through, there was a gypsy telling fortunes, pirates & assorted ghouls standing or sitting around, so still you thought they were mannequins then they'd jump at you or yell, in the basement there was a stone doorway & someone standing against the wall on the other side swinging a large broadaxe down across the doorway I was on my way in when they swung it & stopped short, I was never so scared in my life (I was 7 or 8 at the time) they had it set up very well, once you walked around upstairs you went down to the basement & through a little more & then out through their bulkhead- very convenient. I always used to love watching Roseanne because they always had great halloween shows & did similar things to what we used to do & what I had seen (you see, in Massachusetts by 1975 or so there was no trick or treating because of the razor blades in apples, angel dust in pixie sticks freak out urban legends which went around- the kids who went to public school went to a school sponsered party but most of my friends were catholic school kids & of course I was either in the school my mother sent me to back then or taught at home so no party- our parents started doing things for us so we'd have something to do for halloween & we took it over ourselves once we were old enough. ) I really love halloween still, there's been years where I took 16 trick or treating in Mass (nowadays, they do this by neighborhood rather than all over town) & then all 3 of them here trick or treating, last year & the year before I hung out at my ex's aunts house & his cousin & her daughter kindly took the little ones out with them which I really apreciated- (miss 16 is over the whole thing & stays home handing out candy - though here at the new house no one shows up to get any) I always feel like such a beggar running the kids from place to place, waiting in the car for them to run up & back down, theres too much space between houses here for walking between houses for trick or treat- unless you do it just right in the center of town. I considered briefly having a halloween party here at the house, a little house of horrors tour like J & I used to do & then a little party in the garage, just for 10 & 7's school classes, not tons of people, just give everyone in the classes a note to stop by for a scary tour etc. but when I suggested it to 16 & wanted her to ask a couple of friends to help out she was shocked & appalled. How could I think of doing something so crazy? so weird, she'd be the laughingstock of the high school! So we didn't do it, as it turned out halloween time turned out to be a pretty financialy low time of the year last year so it's just as well that we didn't plan any such thing last year. There's always this year or next though... Right?

well, probably not! it's a nice idea but it takes a lot more time & money than I have to spare- it's too bad though, it would be a lot of fun. 

In painting the buildings I ended up, as usual, all alone at the table, mr 7 went to watch tv, miss 16's boyfriend called, miss 10 was back & forth between watching tv & making something to eat, I sat quietly, painting & thinking of the Christmas village the ex & I painted which was similar to these halloween pieces, thinking of the wooden boxes I used to get from my father who talked people at the liquor store into giving him for free (they sold wine from them & were just tossing the boxes out, after he got maybe 10 of them they started selling them to people for $5. each & he wouldn't get any more because he was mad that they took advantage of his idea to re-use the boxes) I still have 4 of them, 3 painted, 1 I've never gotten to but may soon. My mother & grandmother also each have one I painted for them. 1 with scences from my childhood home & 1 with scences from Whittiers Birthplace.  There's a few other boxes which my father made which my mother still has I think. I'll have to ask I guess.  

Posted by Becky at 7:51 PM EDT
Saturday, September 2, 2006
Saturday = Day of rest
Now Playing: Once in a Lifetime by the Talking Heads
Topic: just letting off steam

If everybody is happy doing their own thing why do I feel guilty that I've been wasting the whole day looking at silly stuff on my computer? All three kids are busy with their own pursuits, no one has asked me to do anything which I've said no to because I'm absorbed in the computer, but yet, I still feel guilty for being on here just messing around- as if I should be doing something which is more productive, house cleaning I guess, that's my mother coming out in me, she's the type which cleans the whole house top to bottom & then sits down & reads or goes online or what ever she's into doing after she's all done! Well I cleaned the house yesterday, you can't tell today but I did do it, even swept the floors! I don't usualy make it that far but miss 16 pushed me into it with the point that we're rarely both home together with out the little ones & we should be able to get the whole house nice & clean together- we did, then the little ones came home & an hour later it was trashed again!

Miss 16 is in her room sulking- or whatever its called when you're not talking to anyone who lives in the same house as you, she's had a bunch of friends who've just gotten their liscences stop by all afternoon, one comes, annother leaves, as long as I don't smell something burning up there & I can hear my computer speakers over her stereo speakers I'm not going to worry too much about it.

Miss 10 & Mr 7 are involved in an 'All Dogs go to Heaven Marathon' which is odd, because I thought there were only 2 movies by that name, They'll be headed out side soon though, because it's becoming a nice day out there & they need to get out & run around.

No one has needed me to do anything all day today, we ran errands in the morning & came home & I've been there ever since, I've been looking at funny pictures & reading funny things 

Both of which are addictive, I could sit & check this stuff out for hours, for those of you who are old hands at internet & saw all that stuff when it was new & exciting (yes, 80% of the world, I know) Please bear in mind I have had a computer with internet for only the past 7 months, before that I went to the library to use their free computer time & check email once a week. Its still all new to me!  My work has computers of course & I use them daily so I'm fairly proficent in their use, just haven't spent as much time browsing the web as most people have- they have web blocking software at my work so I couldn't do it there either.

Annother weird week, missing work the last day & a half due to sick kids & then on top of that because our call volume will be off because of the holiday Monday I am working tomorow & have Monday & Tuesday off & then work Wednesday, Thursday & Friday instead of 2 days off, 2 days on etc. I like having the time off while the kids are home from school though, especially when there's annother day afterwards where I can have the house to myself & relax but I'm all out of whack, hell, I've been out of whack since my vacation & have missed so much time since then that I may never get back into whack again! (I hope I do though, it's pretty bad when you work 2 days in a row & resent that even!- i so need to win the lottery which will be hard to do since I never play!) 

This weeks paycheck was a little lacking, well really it's that theres too many bills for the amount the paycheck was for!...So I can't really go anywhere at all, just work & back, yes, gas prices are down, by nearly 45 cents in my area (we're supposed to be one of the lowest in the country & after traveling from SW Virginia to Massachusetts with forays into New Hampshire & Maine this summer I agree to a point.) But $2.43 is still a lot of money to pay for a gallon of gas. in illustration, there's a store with a gas pump out front which closed down awhile ago, Chrissie & I were driving past it & the prices out front for gas were frozen at $1.76 & $1.86 & we were struck by how those outrageous prices were actually looking pretty good from our vantage point of $2.87 which is where gas in this area peaked recently. Anyway, I am more than a little worried about getting through the week, or until my payment to my credit company gets posted onto my credit card! 

Well, as usual, my day gets completely sidetracked & still this sits, unfinished, I've made dinner, done the dishes, 2 loads of laundry, talked to my ex- aunt in law, picked up a little, shooed kids outside to play because too much tv is bad for them, ate dinner on the porch with the kids because too much computer is bad for me! & sorted out a bunch of craft stuff my grandmother gave me while we were on vacation! 

Once I'm through here I have to take a shower, clean up the kitchen, fold 3 big baskets full of clothes, make my bed with clean sheets, watch the news on dvr cause I can't stand commercials & get the kids to turn off the tv again, bathe & go to bed at a reasonable hour (but mom, we don't have to get up in the morning- why do we have to go to bed at 1130?)  

 All in all, a pretty good day off, if only there was no work tommorow, note to self, as soon as have a discretionary income again, begin playing lottery in hopes of living a life of lesiure & fun!

Posted by Becky at 8:48 PM EDT
Updated: Saturday, September 2, 2006 8:53 PM EDT
What's wrong with me?
Now Playing: New World Man by Rush
Topic: Rambling on

Why haven't I been writing?

I've been busy, not too busy, just mentally busy with school having started, work getting crazy, sick kids, plumbing problems, car running strange problems & I just haven't had anything positive to say.

I've been here, I've been putting together my vacation posts from my private blog to post them here, they won't be here on the main page but under the link for Vacation 2006. But that's not the same as writing & thinking outloud which is often what I find myself doing here.

in other news...

A coworker told me about a place which is hiring & taking a lot of people from where I work because they're starting people with call center experience at $15 an hour, that's a substatial amout more than what I'm making now. Of course, it means giving up the 5 years senority I've accrued at my current job & stepping out into the unknown, it also means more of the same in the call center environment, though I know it won't be exactly the same as what I do now, it still means talking on the phone to people who'd probably rather not be talking to me, (it's inbound sales & I do inbound tech support now, yes, they call me but only because they have to!) It's the unknown part that bothers me the most I think, the idea that I have a mortgage & a car payment & 3 kids & a cat to feed & how can I even think about taking risks with all of that riding on only me? But of course, I take a risk every time I get in the car that someone won't come around the corner & Cream me pulling out of my very driveway! I take a risk going outside cause one of the ridiculously tall trees in my yard could just fall over & squash me, or really, even in my bed, I'm in line with 2 or 3 trees which could squash me just sleeping in my bed if you really want to get right down to it so really I can't get too upset about taking risks. Or at least I can usualy talk myself down out of that one. 

Then there's this funk I've been in where I'm thinking about the past, like distant past, when I first came here to VA in 1987 & when I met 16's dad & all the time I was with him- not very long in the grand scheme of things, only 16 months, but man a LOT of living & life lessons were cram packed into that 16 months, I NEVER want annother 16 months like those particular ones. ever. again. So I've been writing about that, not in great detail yet but in enough that if I ever post it I'll have to go back & change all the names! 

I think I'm lucky to have diaries covering all those years (really, from age 11 until when I started this blog, now I never seem to write in my diary in longhand, too bad in someways, ok in others)  If I'm looking for something to write about I can always pluck one off the shelf & start reading & then make it into a story, though they rarely have any moral or reason for being, sometimes they're funny or weird coincedences will occour. Once, when my Ex & I had been married about 3 months I happened to open a diary & re-read some pretty awful things my Uncle & his Wife had said & done to & about me right after my Father died & I got a little irritated with them all over again (this was maybe 2 years after the incident occoured) My ex got really upset with me & said that this was why he didn't think people should keep diaries because it could dig up all kinds of terrible stuff that you would be happier forgetting about. I tried to make him see that I prefered to remember this sort of thing to keep me mindful to not let this particular Uncle & Aunt see everything I felt & thought & to not turn my back on them because they were more than capable of sticking a knife in it! We argued on this issue for maybe 2 hours! Funny, now, I'm sure he'd look better in retrospect if I didn't have 8 years of diaries reminding me of how unhappy I was with him- even if I never did write down how so much of what I was worried about & hoped wasn't true. Was true!

Miss 16 is sick, I left work early to take her out of school & then didn't go today to take her to the doctors, strep throat- More antibiotics.  

At least it seems 10, 7 & I have already had the particular strain she has since no one has gotten sick but her- I think we're all already imune to it. Or maybe it's hair dye poisoning! I'm sorry, I'm all for self expression but when you've got beautiful unique, red hair already why, why WHY would you want to paint it black? She looks like a redheaded zebra! & she's really thinking I'm trying to be funny when I say that! I am NOT.

10 is getting awfully fussy lately, she insists she doesn't need any more sleep than she's getting which I have my doubts about, but man, is she weepy & whiny. Of course, she is 10, I had my period at 11 so it's possible she's just going to be one of those early ones, her aunts on the ex's side were too if I remember, so that could be the problem. I need to buy stock in tampax once she's started, I'll have to go to BJ's to purchase our needs!

7 & I are wrangling with his room, he keeps trashing it & getting very angry with me for having the audacity to insist he clean up his messes before I give the tv remote back to him. I have to walk in there to get clothes out of the closet on work days & it is upsetting to: a) step on stuff I bought him for his birthday in July already in pieces on the floor, yes, they're magnetix, they were already in pieces, but those pieces HURT! b) see books which I grew up with & loved/love jammed between the bed & the wall, often with pages bent & torn- though I am glad he likes to read, so few boys seem to these days, it's all x box. Among other things, a catepillar he had in a box in his room (poked holes in the top of my LAST tupperware container!) ready to take to school the next day crawled out, affixed itself to the top of his door's carvings & became a chrysalis - which I assure you we are watching with rapt attention! 

I'm hoping to become more involved in this tommorow, I just don't have much of any drive right now, there's nothing going on just this minute that feels in need of being written about!

Posted by Becky at 12:53 AM EDT

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